- 10 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
let me preface by saying that I was married once before, when I was 18, at the time I was very conflicted on who I wanted to be and what everyone else wanted me to be, and I tried very hard to be everyone else’s ideal, so at the time I took my husband’s name. I don’t necessarily regret this decision as I don’t like my maiden name or feel any connection with those associated with it, but my husband died, he killed himself and it was very traumatic for me. He died 6 years ago, and it’s taken me a very long time and lot of work to get to the point where I am now (a much more stable, independant, freethinking, somewhat feminist)
Now I am about to be married to a wonderful man, and I want to change my last name, because I no longer want to have the trauma that happened to me attached to myself or any possible children I may have one day. But, I don’t want my soon to be husband’s last name. It just doesn’t feel right to me, for a variety of reasons. However he is from a very southern family and I think he would be hurt if I didn’t take, especially since I want to change my last name to something else, just not his last name. We haven’t specifically talked about it, and it’s almost pointless too, because he would concede to anything as long as it would make me happy, so getting a completely honest (yet opposite) is difficult. It’s always “if it makes you happy, then it makes me happy” we have discussed issues along the same lines, and he always seems hurt by the idea of me not taking his last name, but I just, don’t, want, it.
Should I legally change my name to something else prior to the wedding and not take his name? or should I just give in and make him happy?