(Closed) Torn Over Choosing Bridesmaids

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think that if you have to weigh up whether you should or shouldn’t make someone a bridesmaid then they probably shouldn’t be standing beside you on arguably one of the most important days of your life.  Ask the people you truly feel close to rather than trying to fill “slots”.   

Why are you expecting your work friend to decline? 

Post # 4
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

View original reply
mrsziggy :  It sounds like you are over thinking it. Your bridal party should be filled with who you are absolutely closest with. You have zero obligation to include your cousins just because they are cousins. 18 people in the bridal party is A LOT, since your Fiance already asked 9 guys you are kind of stuck if you want even numbers but it really shouldnt come down to filling “slots.” 

Post # 5
7804 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

They don’t sound that important to you, and using someone as a “slot filler” is kind of offensive. Saying she would suck it up to be in the party doesnt really sound that great…

Just have uneven sides. Have two of your ladies walk down with two Groomsmen. 

Post # 7
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think you should ask your second cousin and childhood friend and leave out the first cousins. They are fairly young and no one would expect you to include them because you were a flowergirl in your aunt/uncles wedding nearly 20 years ago! If you are super close and want a role for them, maybe the 3 can do a reading together?

Post # 8
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I guess I’m confused- do you want to include your cousins because you want to, or because you feel like you should based on your aunt and uncle’s wedding? It sounds like you hadn’t even thought of them to begin with, so I’d go with your second cousin and childhood friend.

Post # 9
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Are you close to them at all? If you’re not then don’t ask. Simple as that.

Post # 10
7 posts

I don’t think people would expect first cousins over second cousins, I think it all comes down to who you want there to suppport you throughout your entire day! I think it’s completely appropriate to stick with your original list because those are very close bonds in similar ages ulike your first cousins. 

Don’t stress too much, I think you’re over-analyzing the situation. Stick to your original list and maybe have your first cousins hand out the send off stuff (rice, bubbles, etc) or ceremony programs if you have them – but only if that’s what you want!

Post # 11
83 posts
Worker bee

Pick the people you are closest to.   Enjoy!

Post # 12
515 posts
Busy bee

Gosh, I just can’t understand how people have so many people in their bridal party! I have 4 & that’s too many in my opinion. Had to ask a fourth bridesmaid since fiance is having 4 groomsmen. 

Post # 14
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

If your only reason for including your first cousins is because you feel obligated, don’t ask them. Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest – people who are very important to you and you cannot imagine getting married without. Asking people out of obligation rather than because you want them to be involved never ends well, so I would leave the first cousins out and ask the childhood friend and second cousin as you originally planned.

I only have 1 female first cousin and there’s no way I would have ever asked her to be a bridesmaid. She’s a sweetheart, but she’s 16 years younger than me and we have absolutely no contact outside of a couple of family events a year (if she even attends them – her parents are divorced). I’m not close with any of my female second cousins either (no second cousins were even invited to my wedding, in fact) but if I was, I would’ve asked them over my first cousin in a heartbeat.

Post # 15
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Absolutely ask your friend and second cousin, and not the first cousins. You don’t need to worry about it. There is sometimes a duty to include siblings (which you’ve already done) but there is really no obligation to include cousins. I didn’t ask mine. The fact that you were a flower girl in their parents wedding like 25 years ago is irrelevant. 

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