- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2019
Hi everyone! New bee here! I signed up because I’m really having a hard time with choosing bridesmaids and I need some advice.
My fiance and I are thinking we will have 9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen. He has already asked 9 guys, and I officially have 5 bridesmaids who have been asked and agreed to participate so far — my sister (MOH), fiance’s two sisters, and two of my college friends. I am planning on asking two friends from work who I am very close with. Assuming both say yes, that would bring the total to 7, leaving me with two slots.
At first I was thinking I would ask a childhood friend of mine, and then one of my second cousins, who I grew up with and have remained good friends with in adulthood.
But I’m not sure if I should include my first cousins instead. I only have three first cousins — 2 girls, J (age 17) and A (age 15), and then their brother R (age 13). I was a flower girl in their parents’ wedding when I was 5, so I’m not sure if there’s an expectation that I should reciprocate and have them in my wedding.
My fiance says not to include them, because they’re “just cousins”, not immediate family, so there’s no obligation in his opinion. And they’re underage, so they wouldn’t be able to participate in things like the bachelorette party, which will surely involve alcohol and bars. And then what would we do with their brother R? Would he feel left out?
But I still feel like I should give them some kind of special role. I considered the idea of making all three cousins ushers, but my mom shot down that idea and fiance wasn’t too crazy about it either.
I could make the girls junior bridesmaids. I’m not crazy about the idea of junior bridesmaids, because are they in the wedding party or not? It’s some kind of weird in between. Also, the girls are the size of full-grown adults at this point, so it’s not like they wouldn’t fit in with the “regular” bridesmaids. Maybe all three of the kids could be like a junior wedding party, so they’d get to walk down the aisle, but there’s no expectation that they’ll have to help out with other stuff? Another option would be to just expand the wedding party — Fiance has options for friends to include if he needed to ask more groomsmen, or one of them could just be R.
My mom says just include the oldest first cousin, J, instead of my second cousin. Idk about that because A might feel excluded. Fiance says just do what I originally wanted and just ask the childhood friend and second cousin, forget about the first cousins.
Right now my plan is just to ask my two work friends and see if they both accept. If one of them declines, maybe that might open up a space. But this has been stressing me out for a couple days, and I want to get it figured out! What do you guys think I should do?