Post # 1
One of who I thought was one of my pretty good friends just got married. She turned into the biggest bridezilla I’d ever met, canceling lunch dates, spending most of her work day planning (including telling me I should “understand”), not writing thank you notes (I sent her gift 6 weeks before her wedding), etc. I had pretty much written her off as a friend, especially after not being invited to the shower and bachelorette party OR wedding, which was very small and “exclusive”. I wasn’t the only one she shunned, but she did take it to the extreme with me because I wasn’t one of her core group of girlfriends.
Anyway, I figured we weren’t as good of friends as I thought we were, and yes, I was hurt. I don’t need acquaintances, I need friends.
Now she’s back from her honeymoon, sharing pictures via email and wanting to restart lunch dates and hanging out again. I really don’t want to now that I’ve seen how she acted about her wedding. Do I tell her why? I thought I would be able to just fade away, but I guess that’s not going to happen.
(And yes, I am also married, fairly recently. I had a fairly large (compared to hers), fairly lavish wedding, and while I understand there’s some stress involved, I sure didn’t spend 8 hours a day planning it for six months straight. I’m not jealous or bitter that she’s married and I’m not. I simply have never run into an actual bridezilla before.)
Post # 3
All I can say is that different women handle the stress of wedding planning in many ways. Some can successfully balance it with their daily life, some (like your friend) cannot.
I completely understand you being hurt by her behaviour prior to the wedding and would definitely be upset as well.
I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, “Is the friendship worth saving?”
If you valued her a a friend before she became, as you described, a “bridezilla”, then I would try to forgive her actions and move on.
But if the friendship was only so-so before it all started, then i would just distance myself from her efforts to reconnect and move on with life
Post # 4
do you want to be her “fairweather” friend? Like you said, you don’t need acquaintances, you need friends. She doesn’t sound like a very good one.
Post # 4
@starrynight: All relationships should revolve around being honest. I would tell her how you feel. If she doesn’t like it, I don’t think you’re losing much, by the way that she treated you.
Post # 5
I would also sit her down and explain to her how her behavior hurt you rather than just letting the friendship fade. She’s more than likely not going to realize what she’s done to you as a friend and she at least deserves to know why she’s losing your friendship.
Post # 6
@starrynight: you could always make a lunch date then cencel it? :/
That really sucks that happened. If you alreadyhave witten her off, I wouldn’t waste my time reaching back out to her. If it was me I wouldn’t let her know what she did wrong unless she asks.
Post # 7
I think it’s crazy she didn’t notice what she was doing. I mean, she’s been blocked on Facebook for months because I didn’t want to see people posting photos of her at the shower I wasn’t inivited to. But I suppose women do react differently to wedding stress.
Anyway, I emailed her back and politely let her know why I wasn’t feeling up to lunch. Maybe she’ll apologize. Maybe she’s got a better reason for fading than, “I was busy with wedding planning….”
But I doubt it.
Post # 8
That sucks. Sounds like you two went really good friends? Money issues make things rough.. is she not well off? Maybe she couldn’t afford more people at her wedding, and vansihed becuase she felt bad?
I know I am not going out of my way to contact anyone becuase I am getting married. However we have enough budget to invite our friends and their signifcant others.
Post # 9
She didn’t completely vanish. She just wanted a small wedding. But, she had a shower and bachelorette party – none of those women were invited to the wedding. I turned down both that my sister in law wanted to through, because I didn’t have enough single women invited to my wedding to make it worth it. So yeah, it made me prettty upset to see her having this big bash yet not inviting anyone to the wedding (maybe that’s why I wasn’t invited, she knows my feelings on that). And, almost two months after sending it, I still haven’t received a thank you card for the gift DH and I sent. I’m beginning to get a better picture of her, and it’s just odd because she was the LAST person I’d expect this from.
Post # 10
And yes, I am also married, fairly recently. I had a fairly large (compared to hers), fairly lavish wedding, and while I understand there’s some stress involved, I sure didn’t spend 8 hours a day planning it for six months straight. I’m not jealous or bitter that she’s married and I’m not. I simply have never run into an actual bridezilla before.)
I’m confused. Are you married or not? It doesn’t seem like she was being a bridezilla to me. It’s not like she was screaming at everyone trying to get her way. If she had a small wedding, then it was a small wedding. If we decide to have a small wedding then most of my friends wouldn’t be invited either because family comes first. She could have had a very tight guest list and had to invite family first.
Post # 11
Its not that uncommon that women have bachelorette parties and maybe even a shower…even though they are having a small weddding. And why do you think those events are only for single women?
Im going to a bachelorette party next month for a friend, and Im not invited to the wedding. She is only having 20 people, all family members, so I totally understand. I do however understand about the thank you note thing…that is rude.
Post # 12
I think the OP was trying to say that jealousy because her friend is married and she isn’t, is NOT the issues since she was recently married herself.
OP if I’m incorrect, please clarify.
Post # 13
Yes, that’s right, I am married. I figured everyone would say I’m just jealous of her and don’t know what goes into planning a wedding, so I wanted to clarify that right off the bat.
I personally find her behavior to be ME, ME, ME…the parties without inviting the same guests to the wedding (I lurked here a bit while I was engaged and read from most people that was a no-no), the ditching her friends, not sending thank you notes…I was under the impression all of that was rude, which is why I didn’t have all the associated parties during my engagement and sent thank you notes as soon as I received a gift.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just more into ettiquette and cultivating friendships than other people are?
Anyway, I politely called her on it instead of just fading away and she got pissed. Whatever. Just showed me her true colors.
Post # 14
What was her response to your email?