Post # 1
This is 100% a vent session, and hopefully a few of you have some good feedback or advice. As crazy as it sounds, I really just don’t know how to handle my Mom, and its honestly to the point where I don’t feel at all stressed about the wedding and 99% of the stress seems to be coming directly from her! She is overbearing, pushy, makes snide remarks, ideas aren’t and haven’t been good ones unless they’re ones she comes up with herself… I’m just getting so so so so sick of her reactions to everything!!! As the date nears (only a month to go!) I’m just getting really fearful that the day will be ruined due to all of the stress I’m feeling…
At this point, I want to take a break from talking to her at all, whether its about the wedding or just anything in general. Maybe the next few weeks need to be spent focusing on myself and my future hubby, relaxing, honing in on what we want and how positive the day should be for us, and pushing any of these stressful feelings out of the picture so that our wedding day can truly be a 100% positive one for both of us.
Have any of you experienced this and what did you do, or are you currently doing to deal with stressful Moms??
Post # 3
I would say, “Mom, you’re really stressing me out. I need you to support me right now. Can you do that?” And see where the conversation goes…
Do you live with/near her?
Post # 4
I agre with the PP. Have you told her that she’s really stressing you out? She’s probably just excited about her own ideas and doesn’t realize how harsh she’s being. You have to let her know how you feel and what you need from her in the future.
Post # 5
That is definitely what needs to happen. I think sometimes that I just assume she knows how she’s acting, but she is just that way; she is very bossy, opinionated and obviously has a way of getting under my skin. My reaction most of the time is to comment back and push back instead of stepping away, taking a breath and just telling her to back off a bit and that she is stressing me out.
It’s a very odd situation, because suddenly I feel as if I’ve reverted back to my rebel teenage years where I simply cannot get along with her for the life of me. She was very hard to get along with then, and in this situation it seems to be the same way now. Maybe its all about the approach…
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2012 - Iowa
I had this same exact problem with my mom pre-wedding. She drove me crazy, we argued constantly – I swear every idea I had she would argue with “why do you need that” “keep it simple” etc etc. I was in tears 2 weeks before the wedding because she argued with me about water bottles!! Quite often my sister (maid of honor) was the middle person, I would complain to her, my mom complained to her, she’d tell us both what we wanted to hear, and it somehow worked out. I just learned to stop telling mom everything. When we were all together, my sister would tell my mom to back off a bit. The day of the wedding I just let mom do her thing (requesting extra pictures when I was tired of taking them – and I’m glad now that we took them!) Looking back sometimes I may have been a bit unreasonable as some of her requests were welcome, but I think I got so annoyed that I didn’t see that at the time?
Take a step back and evaluate what she is saying sometimes, if someone else said it would you feel the same way?
Try to involve her less too since it stresses you out so much. Don’t talk to her about the wedding unless you have to. If you can do it yourself, DO IT.
After the wedding things should go back to normal between you two so look forward to that! I don’t think its abnormal to feel this way either. One of my bm’s told me she didn’t talk to her mom for months afterwords!
Post # 7
Thank you, this is GREAT advice. I’d love to be direct with my Mom, but to be perfectly honest, she is not the type that takes that very well. It just wouldn’t work and would end up causing more drama and emotion. At this point, I’m going to simply do what I can without involving her and just take on everything else myself (there really aren’t too many details left to coordinate to be honest)
I hope that things iron out after the wedding but for now, I’m just going to take a few steps back and take on the rest on my own.
Post # 8
Wishing you calming rest and relaxation, fellow Bee!
Post # 9
just speak to her and be patient. some of the stress may just be coming from your hormones since your a month away from your wedding. you compared the situation to when you were a teenager, same time as puberty! your hormones are raging and your both on edge, i’d suggest a day for you two to talk, maybe go to the mall, go get your nails done and let your feelings out. express that while you do love her, you don’t want the wedding to ruin your relationship with your mother, hope this helps.
Post # 10
The one thing I can say seeing my normally totes human parents acting insane about wedding stuff is reminding you that this event is making other people go nuts. She’s saying goodbye to her baby girl and she wants it to be perfect. She wants to make it perfect for you, not her…so she may be a little bit of a lunatic. Just sit her down, possibly with some wine, and explain CALMLY, that she is killing you with the stress. You just want your wedding to be great for you and her. I bet you’ll find your mom is just acting out just as we all do when we’re supremely stressed. : )
Post # 11
I reread this a few times to see if it was i in fact who wrote the original post. Oh dear, i am having major anxiety and so is my fiance. His parents are calm, happy people who really want to make this wedding ours.
my parents on the other hand ar e”my way or the highway” they are killing my relationship with my fiance becuase of their stress. negativity, anger, hostility, tearing down any idea. I cannot have a simple comment or opinion about a venue without being yelled at hysterically.
They are also ruining their relatioship with my future in laws by totally dismissing them and acting as though they do not have a say(even though they are both splitting the wedding , my parents are paying 4000 more )
i cant handle this!
Post # 12
The title caught my eye and I screamed YES!
My mom is driving me nuts. I love her to pieces, but she has been difficult to deal with. I am constantly getting remarks: Why’d you have to have your wedding in MD? (She knew before we were engaged that we’d get married on the bay or beach.) Why does this have to be so complicated? (Aside from a wedding away, I’m not doing anything above and beyond!) Your colors aren’t right for fall. (My wedding is September 14th and I picked dusty blue/vintage peach/champagne… it’s still technically summer, leaves won’t be changing yet!) You need to remove one your BMs from the bridal party! (Long story! Been having issues with one. Groom’s mom and entire bridal party agrees on this, too, but mine is making a bigger deal of it and causing me more stress about it.) Vegan cake will taste weird. (I dragged her to the tasting and she finally agrees that it’s yummy.) You get the point!!
Here’s what I did: I pretty much backed off discussing anything wedding with her. It’s just been easier, less stressful. I was crying a LOT because I feel like this is my wedding, I’m their only daughter/child, and I should be able to go to my mom with ideas and thoughts and get feedback, not rude comments. I’ll toss out one thing now and then, but I try not to overwhelm her so that my calm stay intact as well as hers. It sucks, especially when I see other brides and their moms all happy happy! But what can I do? She says she only acts this way because she wants the day to be perfect for me, but I think she’s going about it the wrong way. Maybe when the bigger stuff is taken care of… it’ll calm down?
Good luck. I still have 10 months to go. ):
Post # 13
my situation is the same, my mom’s position comes from a “good place” i guess. she just wnats me, the only daughter to have a stunning event, what she doesn’t get is her attitude, negativity, and controlling behavior is ruining this. i agree with you, this should be a happy time where mothers and daughters ooh and ahh over wedding stuff not fight non stop. sigh.
Post # 14
I am glad I’m not the only one going through that!! I am stressed enough, and having snide comments like “You ordered a 100 person cake… what if 50 people show?” do not boost my happiness about planning this day. FH and I dated for 6 years before he proposed. I was constantly badgered about getting engaged, and now that it’s happened… this is the attitude I get! Le SIGH.
Post # 15
I finally had a huge blowout where my family told me that i am a horrible daughter and do not love the and everything. they just don’t get that they dont listen. I think that if someone has a bad relationship with their family that having and planning a wedding makes it worse. My family threatened on not having a relationship in teh future and it’s very sad. i feel like an orphan. my fiance is trying to be there for me but he just doesn’t get what i’m experiencing.
Post # 16
Oh my gosh, that’s awful. I feel for you. Maybe the strain will reside after the big day and they see it all come together and how happy you are with your husband? That’s rough though. Us brides don’t need extra stress at ALL.