(Closed) Totally Annoyed by FI

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

My Fiance thinks he can invite the entire world as well, though my parents are paying for the reception. Our limit is 120, and I’m inviting 45 people… So that means he can invite about 75 people. However, he’s wanting to invite more than 100. Ugh. I have no idea what to do either!

Post # 4
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

Um…wow.  That needs to stop.  I dont even know if you have to put it nicely…just…that it needs to stop.  You cant "casually invite" people to the wedding like that, it makes things very awkward when real invite time comes…fortunately it will be awkward for him mostly, since he sees these people way more than you do, but you need to explain to your Fiance that thats not how you create your wedding guest lists!  Good luck!  Thats such a bummer, and Im sure he’s just an easygoing guy…

Post # 5
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We’re getting married in my hometown where my parents still live and know EVERYONE!  My wedding is still a year away, but I’m worried about my Dad doing this!  Once he has a few drinks at the local bar, he gets diarrhea of the mouth!  I’ve already warned him (along with my sister and mom) that he can not invite people through word of mouth!  I already have anxiety over it, so I hope it doesn’t happen like I’m imagining!  I’m just going to keep reminding him that he can’t do it and hope for the best!  If you find anything that works, let me know! 🙂

Sorry I wasn’t much help, but I feel your pain!

GL!
Heidi

Post # 6
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Talk to the poor deluded men!  Don’t they realize that the bride has ultimate authority when it comes to weddings? (jk.  sorta.)  In all seriousness, just explain calmly to your Fiance how you feel, and give him the opportunity to give you what you need, but without making a decree about it.  My Fiance and I always check with each other before we invite anyone–maybe you can tell him that because there might not be room/money to invite all the people you want, you’d like to just check with each other before inviting anyone who’s not already on the guest list?  Maybe if you make it seem like a policy for the both of you, he won’t think you’re being a bride-zilla.  I think the difference between bride-zilla and reasonable here is give him a choice, and give him good reasons for not wanting so and so at the wedding.  As long as you’re not acting like a dictator, he should be willing to listen to reason and honor your wishes.  That being said, if there’s one or two invitees you don’t care about but won’t make a difference in the long run, maybe just let him invite them so you’ll have more leverage for the ones that really matter.

Post # 7
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Maybe you could have a small Non Wedding Related get together.  It sounds like he is just social and the wedding is the next social event in his life.  If you can swing it, host a mini sports event with snacks.  He can invite his new buds to that.  Not the wedding.

I’ve also asked my FH to just introduce me by my name and not his "Bride".  Its really sweet that he is excited, but it keeps wedding related questions to a min.

Post # 10
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Can totally relate, a lot of brides face this issue.  When I was in the throes of wedidng planning, I was completely irritated.  Just keep in mind that our men are just excited to get married as we are.

It just manifests itself differently.  Women throw ourselves into  managing every facet and detail of wedding planning.  The guys show it by inviting everyone they run in to!  They think they are helping by showing you off and telling everyone they know.  It’s weird!  We get irritated that they don’t show enough interest, but then get mad when they show their interest the wrong way.  It’s the most bizarre thing you’ll ever go through.

You definitely need to chat with him about doing it in the future, but do it in a manner that shows him you’re just as excited as he is.  Sounds like a great plan to have him really write down a new list of who he wants there, and if you can just get him to agree to talk to you first if someone comes up that isn’t on that list before he blurts it out….

Post # 11
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Mine hasn’t quite started this yet, but he does think that he can invite everyone he works with (100+ people), all of his fraternity brothers (50+), and every member of a state-wide organization he was a part of in college (350+ people). Fortunately, I have some time to reason with him before we have to actually start inviting people.

Post # 12
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

OMG… I’m going through the same thing. My Fiance is a social butterfly. He gets along with everybody and everything! At first I use to make snotty remarks when he would randomly throw out a name of someone that we see once in a blue moon. Like a couple months ago we were at a basketball game with about 20+ people. Out of nowhere he says to me "I think we should invite John Doe to our wedding. He’s a fun guy" WTF?!??!? Should I invite my neighbor’s dog walker if she seems friendly and waves hello to me every morning as I’m leaving for work? Probably not! I did have a talk with him. I told him that I know you know these people but that doesn’t mean you have to invite everybody you know. If an average wedding costed about a hundred bucks for 200+ then I’m all for having everybody there. I told him that to me I’d prefer to invite people that actually care about either him, me or both of us not some  random guy that’s up for partying and getting wasted at the bar at the wedding. When you talk to your Fiance choose your words carefully. That will make a difference. Don’t say what I said… Who the hell are they??? WHy would I want them at our wedding??? LoL

Post # 13
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Oh I know. My Fiance sent Save-The-Date Cards to people without even ASKING me. WTH? And it’s not that I mind inviting the extra people, but more that I have to have everything input into my spreadsheet and make sure I send them an invitation. So awkward!

I’ve had a couple people I’ve run into (that I’m not very close to) start to talk about the wedding and then (thankfully) say, "Oh, I can’t wait to see the pictures!" At least some people realize that you can’t invite everyone you’ve ever known.

Post # 14
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I’m having this exact same problem except our wedding is two months away and we’ve already sent out our invitations.  My Fiance has been adding people to his list ever since we sent our Save-The-Date Cards but I told him when I ordered the invitations two months ago that it had to stop since I was only ordering enough invitations to cover the people that are currently on the list.  Well, looking over his shoulder the other day I see he’s emailing a random cousin that of course she’s invited (hello, she’s not on the list).  When I ask if he’s told anyone else they can come he mentions that he’s invited five other people.  We only have two extra invitations.  Now what?  I told him he had to take care of either letting them know about the details and collecting a verbal RSVP or he could explain that we’re already at our max.  Thankfully our wedding is out of state so I don’t think extra people will just show up, but it has to stop.  You are completely not alone in this.  I think they just don’t think of all of the details that are involved in inviting random people.  Good luck.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

My Fiance is the exact opposite.  He kept his list incredbily short.  The problem is my parents and Future Mother-In-Law.  Every time I see any of them, they give me the new list of people "that they forgot about before but who really should be invited".  I finally had to impose a cutoff date and insist that they stick to it.  My dad tried to add someone else afterwards and when I asked him who he wanted me to delete from the list so that this person could come, he dropped the subject.  But it did get bad.  Our original plan was to invite 200.  I’m now up to 331. 

Post # 16
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

Explain to him how rude it is to invite someone verbally that you don’t intend to send an invitation to.  Some people may take them seriously and be very disappointed and even hurt not to receive the invitation, especially if they know people who did receieve an invite.  Just because you don’t think they will come is no reason to invite them.  You should only be inviting people you really want at the wedding.  People will surprise by coming even if you don’t expect them to.

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