(Closed) Totally blindsided by new husband's behavior – may be TMI

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 242
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Morose11:  My Darling Husband always showers after sex – just because he had issues with jock itch (sorry TMI).  He usually showers before sex during the week too because he sweats alot at work and goes to the gym after. 

Ask him, if you’re curious. You should be able to ask your husband these questions and he should be able to give you an honest answer.

Post # 243
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Morose11:  

 

Your mother is not helping the situation.  I would cease all details with her right now and ask that she never speak to you about it again. 

 

I think you should seek out counseling for yourself.  You have so many basic questions on what does a healthy relationship even mean.  What is good ex?  What is worth hanging on to?  Go alone for sure.  I went in my past marriage.  I lied and said I was going to learn how to be the best wife ever.

 

This is NOT something you need to learn to live with.  You really need to just lay it out.  You guys are living a false life here!  Going along with the big elephant in the room!  It’s no way to live at all!  Tell him, his condition is making it too hard for you to stay married.  He needs to let you in on why he does this.  Because right now you see either 1) fetish or 2) medical conditions.  Hopting it’s not 1), you want to know why he doesn’t get help.  You ask him to get some counseling or medical help about it.  You will not stand for this to be undiscussed.  It’s running your marriage.

 

I left a marriage, well I kicked my ex out. BUT we had a whole year of trying to work on it – not working to it, of him KNOWING what the problem was, but choosing to do nothing.  I tried so hard to let him know the things he was doing to me were the exact things that were making it too hard to stay.  He refused to see it.  He blamed me (which I’m sure your H will do – he’ll make you feel badly about bringing it up or like you’re a bad wife, I’m SURE!)  I sought counseling alone.  He went once and deemed it crap.  I then had a breaking point.  It was time to leave.  I just said, It’s time to go our own ways.  This is not working for me anymore. 

 

 

 

Post # 244
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Morose11:

First off I think you should get therapy for yourself asap.  If your getting help while still with him and he tries to get you to stop keep going .  A therapist will probably help you come to terms with this situation and figure out the best option for yourself.

If you are truly wanting a divorce I think you should be fair to him by sitting him down and explaining the issue.  I don’t think it’d be right for you to just say I want a divorce.  Just say someing like how you understand that he doesn’t want to change the problem and you’ve decided you can’t live with it.  It might opened up the option of him changing and you possibly staying.  Even if he does fix this if you still can’t accept it even after therapy then I think you should still leave.

No matter what happens you deserve to be ultimately happy.  You should both be with people who want to be with and you want to be with.  You should probably also stop talking to your mom because she sounds like she’s just making things worse.

Post # 245
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

Therapy. And honestly, he should have told you about this. Like for real. That way you could have mentally prepared for this… not just let you discover that. I am so sorry. Therapy for him on the issue and therapy for both of you as a couple.

Post # 246
Member
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@Morose11:  It’s been a while since you commented, and I just wanted to say I hope things are going a bit better for you.  I imagine you are in a tough place no matter what you have decided to do.  Trying to get your husband into therapy and sticking things out would be hard, and so would be getting a divorce.  I wish you the best and hope you are ok.

Post # 247
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP I was thinking about you today.  How is everything? you received so much advice and it would be nice to know how you are feeling/doing ? I’m sure I speak for Everyone. 

 

 

Post # 248
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

wow. I hope that you have helped him or at least convinced him that he needs help.

Post # 249
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yikes! I’d take him to therapy. Just be on the lookout for whatever can of worms that might uncover too. 

Post # 250
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP how is everything? You were in talks of leaving your husband, did you end up doing so? I hope that this situation eases up for you. I can only imagine how you have been feeling throughout this whole thing. <3

Post # 251
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

Wow……….I apologize to anyone who doesn’t believe in this morally, but this is exactly why I would never marry someone without living with them first. You don’t really know some one until  you do. OP, I am hoping the best for you, I cannot imagine what you’re going through. However, I am not sure he’s telling you the truth. There is a type of fetish that involves diapers. Shame on him for waiting till you’re married to reveal something like this!! 

Post # 252
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Hi there –

Was wondering if you had an update for us with how things have gone since first posting?

xx

Post # 253
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Hi there –

 

Was wondering if you had an update for us with how things have gone since first posting?

 

xx

Post # 254
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

UGH! Oh man. This would gross me out beyond fixable…wearing a used diaper for 2 hours…gross! If he wouldn’t commit to therapy and eventually get rid of that disgusting behavior, I’d have no choice but to get a divorce from a man like that. Noooo thank you.

Post # 256
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Morose11:  So so sorry to hear that. There were so few posts from you that I am sure we are missing a lot that went down inbetween, must be because divorce is a BIG step, that is so final.  

Originally when I read your first post, all I could do was NOT cry, because I was thinking if that was my husband, I would just weep for him because I know he was too ashamed to talk to me about it…and being ashamed is a very strong feeling. I know I would have given it my all…..I may have had a hard time having sex with him….but I know it’s not a final deal breaker. 

Op, maybe you could let us in a little more on what happened? Did you let him know that if he didn’t get help that you may leave? Is he surprised about your divorce? What’s his response. 

The topic ‘Totally blindsided by new husband's behavior – may be TMI’ is closed to new replies.

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