- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Ok. I have seen these threads before. Hence, the hidden user name. This definitely needs to be kept to myself (well, and to the basic anonymity of the beautiful hive) and I wouldn’t want others to be hurt by this. So here goes.
I have seen the posts “My sister is getting married 4 months after me!” and “How dare they get engaged after us and married before us?” (despite the person having a 3 year engagement…) you know those. I have also seen some genuine problems… like a sister choosing a week before your wedding and you have a lot of Out of Town guests.
The ones that are sort of ridiculous, I generally ignore, but even though I, as well, know that you TRULY get ONE DAY, sometimes I do feel for these brides. And now here I am!
Fiance has a group of friends, they’ve been buddies since they were like, 7 or 8 (and we’re 25 going on 26.) His one good friend, we’ll call him B, was recently deployed. He has been on and off with this girl since they were like, in middle school, and they have a daughter together. This girl used to be part of the guys but really, she’s kind of a b*tch and is just generally drama filled and crazy… I digress. They’ve been through a lot the past few years being on and off AND now parents, and a few months before his deployment B would ask “Doofus, you’re such a nice girl, please introduce me to a cute single friend of yours” (ok I admit, that sentence made me giggle) and I was always like “my friends are super cute but so not single.”
Well, B ended up getting back together for the 1000th time with this girl, and while it was all romantic to “stand by her man as he heads into war”, sure enough, after the romanticism wore off, she broke it off. I guess he started casually chatting on fb with a girl, we’ll call her T.
B was supposed to get leave to come home for a friends’ wedding. There is a big story, but he’s home now permanently. If I go into details I might give too much away. He’s fine, it’s all fine, but he’s home. He was home for his friends’ wedding, and about a week after that, he said he was going on a date with T. And about two weeks after that, they’re engaged.
Ok. To each their own, ya know? Totally not what bothers me. T seems great! Sweet, smart, well educated, honestly, we all like her. We’re all (as in his friends)a little worried about the speed, and we do question some of the motives. We don’t think any of it’s malicious, just… “Hey guys, you don’t even really know each other. What’s the rush?” But, outwardly, we will support them, we don’t say anything, they are adults, and as long as we dont think there’s something SERIOUSLY harmful going on it’s their life. Not what’s bothering me.
HERE’s what’s eating at me. And I feel so so so selfish…. They originally picked their date to be 5 weeks after ours. I didn’t even bat an eye at this. First of all, we do have some doubts they will last to then (although she really does seem sweet! And it would be nice if they would, I mean that honestly.) And really, I didn’t see that as being close.
But then last week I saw on fb that their new date is 3 weeks after us. And just like that, I started worrying: FI’s friends and family have to travel just over 2 hours to come to our wedding, and some will probably have to get a (cheap) hotel. I have one for about $60 a night, that two people can easily share. My Fiance had already expressed some worry that quite a few people may decide not to come because they wouldnt even travel that far. I assured him that his friends and family love him and that 2 hours really isn’t that far and it’s not like they HAVE to spend the night, they could come for the ceremony, stay for most of the reception, and still be home right before midnight. But he worries.
And now IM worried. I didn’t really worry about it much before because I had more faith in his friends and family than he did that they would be willing to travel to support him. But now…. B is a groomsman in our wedding, and Fiance is a groomsman in his, and between the two of them they have 3 mutual groomsmen… not to mention a host of friends they share. 3 weeks is not a lot of time between weddings for the groomsmen to be able to afford two tux rentals, travel for ours, bach parties, and Lord knows I wouldn’t expect gifts, but what if they feel they can’t come if they come empty handed…
And worst, there’s a part of me that feels they’ll decide they have to choose one, and even though we were engaged first (almost 7 months before) and we’re getting married first (heh, I think) that they will pick B’s because it’s in their hometwon and more convenient and they’ll blow off ours 🙁 I want to just say that it’s silly, that again, I have more faith in FI’s friends and family than to blow us off just to save some dollars or because they’re “lazy” or something… but I am worried!!!! I think they haven’t TECHNICALLY booked their venue, so maybe they wont be able to do 3 weeks… but then im REALLY crossing my fingers that 1 and 2 weeks away are booked as well!!!!!
Also, I’m not worried about either wedding “upstaging” the other. I know for a fact they will be very different in their own ways, and I’m not worried at all about that. I also know that no one cares about your wedding the way you do, but I just want people to be able to relive our memories and say “oh yeah that was so fun, remember the….” “oh yeah I had a great time!” without another wedding wiping all that from their heads immediately after. It’s so petty, but I needed to vent. Again, it’s probably wishful thinking they’d even reminisce about our wedding for even a few DAYS before “forgetting” lol, but still.
So I guess… to sum it up… I’m probably worried over nothing and these thoughts are kind of petty and silly and I KNOW this and I’m being a DOOFUS (hence the name) but I still feel this little unsettled feeling sometimes and I’m still worried for FI’s sake, I just don’t want him hurt, and I needed to vent about my selfish feelings…. yeah. Dumb. :/