Post # 17
I can understand the frustration! I’ve had to ask Fiance numerous times for simple things that go undone for weeks. I hate it. We were good about planning our actual trip and wedding details together (short meetings, etc) but that little stuff DROVE ME NUTS.
Post # 18
I feel your pain. The only way I’ve gotten my guy to work with me is setting aside a time once a week to talk about the wedding stuff and when we do I have a presentation where I say you have 3 choices, what do you think. Normally, I can get an answer. But I’m sorry he’s being such a goober.
Post # 19
Been there. IMO “I don’t know” is sometimes the go-to, mentally lazy answer. Or maybe he does have an opinion but says “I don’t know” because he really thinks you’ll do whatever you wanted to do in the first place anyway, so why bother. Or, he truly doesn’t care and would be fine with walking to the JOP. I feel for you. BTDT.
Post # 20
“I’m going to do whatever I want so what’s the point in him deciding anything (so very hurtful and not true!)”
Oh yea – I’ve heard that too. It’s just a cop out for when they get frustrated and don’t want to help. It’s just a lame excuse.
Post # 21
@Maria444: Well I’m not planning a wedding because we’re going to the courthouse. But I will say this, while some men are interested in these kinds of things most are not. I don’t think it says that he doesn’t care. My Fiance has trouble picking out flowers just to give me on a random day. He’s horrible with presents. Just all decisions like that in general. He doesn’t know what he should choose, what looks best or anything at all about weddings so I know he would be no help. Sometimes I have to tell him the clothes he’s wearing don’t match. I hear that you’re stressed and would like some help, but he probably just doesn’t know what would look good or be appropriate. He’s out of his element. Try and cut him some slack.
ETA: I do not mean to sound harsh by that last sentence. Venting is good if you need to get it out. I’m not at all trying to say you should quit whining. Maybe gift yourself a spa day or something to relax, you deserve it. 🙂
Post # 22
@Nel13: The part in your reply where you said that you give him a task to do, after you’ve put the time into researching and organizing things, and he still doesn’t step up. We’ve had to rush to get hotels (HIS task) at the last minute, limo (last minute – which he grudgingly did after I narrowed it down from a giant list of companies to one).
Here’s a taste of the craziness I’m dealing with. After waiting forever for him to organize the limo, I (like I said earlier) sifted through a list I made and found a company that will give us the best deal. Before he called (which I made him do while he was sitting in front of me), he starts getting all huffy because I wasn’t completely sure of the times the limo should pick up our respective parties. This was something that we obviously needed to straighten out before hand, but again, whenever I asked, he was too tired or busy relaxing in front of the TV for him to think about it. After I literally called out the company’s telephone number, he finally made the booking tonight.
I’m finding it harder and harder to be patient and keep my cool when really, I just want to shout at him to man up!!!
Post # 23
@MarieeToBee: Yeah, I hear you. Been there and done that, lemme tell ya! I think it’s just their way of dumping the responsibilty back on our shoulders without giving anything a passing thought.
Gosh, I just feel like a big BEE, if you know what I mean.
Post # 24
@jadlnc: As for taking a day to myself, I am taking a trip for a couple of days to my hometown where I will do minor wedding stuff. The rest of the time, I will spend relaxing and enjoying not constantly having to do things.
I need some time away to clear my head and not think about wedding things.
Post # 25
@Maria444: Good for you. Try and catch up with old friends while you’re home…and try to steer the conversation away from wedding talk.
Post # 26
@Maria444:you said: “‘Im doing quadruple duty: wedding planning, work, cooking, plus taking care of our pets AND cleaning the house.”
Have seen many women in your shoes. It only engenders even more resentment than you have now.
Yes, you will continue to have all the responsibility after marriage. You’re getting a raw deal. Would not walk down the aisle until you resolve the issue of you being taken advantage of.
Post # 27
@Maria444: Same thing happened with us and booking rooms for his family…. because of him putting it off they are now staying 40 mins away from where the wedding is. Wonderful … I cant explain how upset I was lol I decided to just not care, they just better be around to help clean up and not take off early…. or hes going to hear about it again im sure lol
I have snapped more than a few times, he just didnt understand AT all how hard it is to compile all this information…keep track of multiply vendors, deposits and coordinate all of them! It is insanely hard to be your own wedding planner with NO help.
Its SO close to being over now, we are on the home stretch 🙂
Post # 28
You are not alone.
Thankfully this will be a simple wedding or I would be driven totally insane since I am planning this alone (no family in my state). To give him credit, he does attend the appointments I make for us.
Also in his defense he does have a 4-hour-a-day commute so I lay off of him and limit the real planning for the weekends. We also don’t live together so that limits some of the planning.
Post # 29
OMG this is how I feel every day! People tell me stuff like “don’t clean up/plan anything/do things for him and he will get the point” but really, he has lived in trash can-like conditions before so it would just me miserable. I have no advice, but it sucks really bad and does make you wonder if they will ever grow up….
Post # 30
I’m sorr you are feeling so frustraed. I am not into planning, so Fiance did most of the work for our elopment. If he had made it known he was feeling resentful, I would have stepped out. I asked how he felt about it and he was happy to do it.
Post # 31
@Maria444: The wedding is three weeks away. You can’t go back and change the past now. Your Fiance is different than you, he thinks about things differently than you, and the current way you are handling things doesn’t seem to be working…so you might want to try a new approach.
For the future, you might want to give him lists of things that need to get done, along with exactly what they entail, and then say “which two of these things can you take on and get done this week/month/etc. I know I learned that my DH does care about detail-ly things, but he doesn’t have it in him to listen to me talk about the ins and outs of each detail — it’s just too much work for what he sees as small things. So I get the info together, and provide him with two or three options and then say — “pick the one you like best.”
I think planning a wedding is fun and frustrating. I am personally very glad that my DH was only minimally involved with the key decisisions, and left the rest to me. You might be just as frustrated or more if your Fiance had been totally involved — if he disagreed with you on colors, prices, style, etc. etc. you might now be questioning whether the two of you are really compatible.