(Closed) Touchy shower subject

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I know often at showers the gifts are open in front of everybody and she might not want to deal with the embarrassment of nothing from her. Any way you can promise to do gifts after everyone leaves so she can avoid that?

Post # 4
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@MissCalifornia:  I agree with this – OP I’m sure your friend does want to come but she doesn’t want to be embarrassed during the part where you open gifts.

Post # 5
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

There’s not much that you can say beyond what you already have. If she’s uncomfortable coming empty handed then so be it. You’ve let it be known that you don’t care about the gift and you just want her there to celebrate. That’s really as far as you need to take it. 

@MissCalifornia: The whole purpose of the shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts and guests expect said gifts to be opened in their presence. I would probably wonder why the bride decided not to open her gifts infront of the guests and I imagine some may even be a little put off by it. 

Post # 6
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Unless your shower is very small (like under 10 people), I doubt anyone is going to be keeping track of who gave what besides the person who you put in charge of that. 

Post # 7
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Tell her to just give you a card at the shower. I received many cards with just money/gift cards in them at my shower. So it’s not like the other guests will know that her card is empty.

Post # 8
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I doubt anyone would ever notice. She could just bring you a card if she doesn’t want to come empty handed.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

What if she ducked out before the presents were opened? Or just got you a really lovely card so at least you’d be opening something from her and she wouldn’t feel out of place? To be honest, I wouldn’t notice if someone didn’t have a gift at a shower (unless there were only like 5 people there). If anyone noticed, they would likely think she gave it to you previously or forgot it.

Post # 10
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Did you register somewhere very expensive?  Maybe you could tell her it doesn’t matter WHAT gift she gives, you’ll love it regardless.  

 

 

Post # 11
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

She’s probably just embarrassed that she can’t afford to bring a gift. I wouldn’t push her any further because it will only make her even more embarrassed.

Post # 12
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs that she’s probably just embarassed.  Is she a good cook?  You could ask her to write down some of her favorite recipes for you.  A card is also a good idea.

Post # 13
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Tell her you won’t be opening gifts at the shower (and then don’t open gifts).  As a guest, it’s easily the most excruciating part anyway, I always appreciate it when the part is skipped.

Post # 14
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@UpstateCait:  That’s what I was going to say.  No one is going to be looking around the room with a mental checklist of who gave what.  Usually it’s a quick little “Thanks Aunt Mary” without much focus on the gift giver.  

Also I just saw the card idea, that sounds good too!  It would be inappropriate to count out money in a card and yell out the amount so a simple opening the card, smiling and saying thank you is all you need to do.

Post # 16
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You might want to mention to your gift-recorder before the party about the situation. My shower was small and my Maid/Matron of Honor quickly realized she didn’t write something down for 1 friend so she mentioned it to me, thinking she missed out. It would be possible that the friend could overhear and become an issue. 

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