(Closed) Touchy subject… Daughters best friends dad is a sex offender… Advice needed

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 47
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsWBS:  When you choose to commit a crime, you’re kind of giving up your rights to privacy in my opinion. 

Plus one thousand!

Post # 48
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mrslovebug:  Why don’t you request a copy of the records from the court? If you have the case #, court name/county, and his name that should be all you need. I’m not sure how Florida works but in CA most criminal court records are considered public records and are open to the public- unless sealed after the case ended or dealing with mental health issues…. It’s worth a try to at least see what your dealing with in more detail.. Shouldn’t be too expensive, our court here only charges a quarter a page… 

Post # 49
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Working in state probation… I’m pretty sure Florida “sex with child” law is anything under 16 years of age. So he could have been 20 and s/he 16.  It could have been 3 times with the same person over the course of the year and it results in 3 charges. Are you positive he’s as old as you say he is? Maybe there’s a chance he wasn’t lieing about his age and why they moved. And you can be convicted and charged in one state and not be present. Also since you mentioned he had a charge for failing to register you could find the sex offender registry number and call them. They will probably give you any information you want to know. If he’s off the registry now (not everyone is a lifetime registrant) you could go back and try to dig up an old probation/parole agent and ask questions. But I would try talking to him and see what they have to say. Maybe just talk to the wife if you feel closer to her. 

Post # 50
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The very thought of rejecting these children and expelling them from your home because of something their father did hurts my heart. Of course you have to look out for your own family, but isn’t a part of being a parent setting an example for your children? Do you want them to grow up thinking it’s right to reject people for the crimes of their parents, and stigmatize the victims of crimes? Wouldn’t you rather they learn to be compassionate and loving and to help those who can’t help themselves? 

It’s also a HUGE jump from is a sex offender, to is sexually assaulting his own children, to those children assaulting your children. A sad number of children are victimized, but they shouldn’t be isolated and rejected from society because of it. 

Post # 51
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrslovebug:  I’m not sure how the law and court cases go, but a 97 case might be when the case actually went to trial, not the date that the offense took place. He could have done that many years before. 

Instead of talking to him, maybe you could talk to the wife. 

Please also alert the school. 1- so the teachers and counselors can monitor his kids incase they start showing signs of being abused and 2- so the Dad doesnt come on school property. 

Post # 53
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@CorvusCorax:  And this is why Megan’s Law shouldn’t even exist

You’ve got to be kidding me because that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. This “right to privacy” is bullshit IMO. If you sexually abuse a CHILD, then you give up your right to privacy. Parents absolutely should be able to see where sex offenders live because it gives THEM a chance to make a choice about if or if they don’t want to live close to someone who has sexually violated children in the past. Would you want your family living next to someone who raped a 5 year old and have no idea? Your telling me you’d feel safe letting your daughter play in the front yard without knowing if there are child sex offenders that live nearby? I’m sorry but that’s just stupid parenting.

I frankly don’t care about sex offender’s rights to anything. If you are scum and sexually abuse a child, you don’t get to have privacy or be treated like everyone else.

Part of doing the “time” is accepting that you will never be looked at again the same. If those sex offenders want some privacy and equal rights, then those piece of shits shouldn’t have violated a child in the first place.Period.

Post # 54
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would cut ties completely. It’s your job to protect your children, not others (although noble).  It sounds like you have been through enough already and you do not need the stress of always being anxious/wondering “what if?”

Post # 56
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Whilst I understand your not wanting your kids over at their house, I think it’s pretty unreasonable not to allow your child to have their friends over at your own home. You are the parent, and you should be in control in your own house. If you are worried, watch the kids when they play.

They’re just kids… you are the adult, and you can control what goes on under your own nose.

Besides, I know what I would have done if my parents had ordered me to cut ties with my friends… I would have lied, snuck out, and met my friend over at their house. Maybe I wouldn’t have done it at 5, but give it another few years…

As the others say, it’s also really unfair to teach kids that they are guilty by association. What is the world coming to?

Post # 57
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@PinkMermaid:  This is precisely the hysterical, paranoid, kneejerk attitude that was the reason that unconstitutional registry was created in the first place. Sex offenders don’t have rights to anything? Okay, well, where does it stop? It’s a slippery slope, as we can see with people who were convicted of statutory rape with a consenting teenager getting onto that registry, or people who pissed in the woods and some dumb kid saw.

Let alone that wrongful conviction happens more often than you would think.

 @Mrslovebug:  Your daughter’s friends won’t understand why their welcome is suddenly limited, and they’ll probably feel more isolated. But your family comes first.

Post # 58
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@PinkMermaid:  I think the problem with the sex offender registries is that there are so many people on it that arent dangerous. You are right, if there is a 35yo man who likes to molest 6yo boys or girls, I want to know. But people who get caught urinating in public? Or an 18yo with a 16yo girlfriend? They arent dangerous and it ruins their lives. AND it makes it more dificult  to really know if a person on there is really a threat or not. Making our lives more difficult when having to make decisions like the OP. 

Post # 59
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

@CorvusCorax:  I agree. I would never let my child be alone there, but I would also never take away what could be a safe haven for those other children. having a bad home life can lead to bad bahavior so I understand I keeping an eye on the kids. if anything seemed funky I would call cps, it seems silly to not let them come over because something bad might happen, if you follow that logic then you shouldn’t let your daughter be around any other kids

 

Post # 61
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I personally think regardless of what their father has done that they shouldn’t be punished for things they haven’t done. It is 100% right to not allow your child into their home becuase you don’t know what is happening when there has clearly been a history in the past. 

You judge these children and this man as if these children are already being abused. What if they have never been exposed to stuff like this because they are his children and that is where he’d draw the line? If you can’t keep your eyes on the kids leave a baby monitor or something in the room they are playing in so you always have a set of ears (or even eyes) in the room. You don’t need to be physically hovering over them to know what is going on when you aren’t nearby.

I live in a small town and when I was young the father of 2 local children was exposed as a violent pedophile who created a high number of child porn videos – many of which involved his younger children and their friends. It was an awful situation and the community abandoned the children because of their father. No one would allow them into their homes because they were convinced that sex was all they knew and that they would corrupt their children. Today they are the same age as me and live a much different life that I do. The lack of acceptance from others isolated them and they turned to drugs and crime to cope with it… it really is sad what has happened to them as a result of their fathers actions. He hasn’t been in their life in 15 years and people still think these must be perverted children who can’t be trusted.

 

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