Post # 75
Her husband has an attorney too she said…. Personally I think OP should only put in the same amt toward the house as her husband. period. She should keep her 250k that she saved as a single person separate and for herself. Then there are no issues about fairness, home equity etc. However IF her husband is unhappy with that and wants/expects/ feels entitled to share in her PREmarital savings, then there are bigger issues here…ie his greed…
Post # 76
MollyCatherine : right, but why are only the mortgage payments subject to market conditions? In the event of a loss the downpayment is being shielded under this scenario and that’s what I don’t think is fair. I think any loss should be applied to all of the equity proportionally something like:
- wife puts $300k down on a $600k house
- husband and wife together equally pay $100k toward mortgage principle
- marriage dissolves and the house sells for $500k (a loss)
- Her contributions are $350k and his are $50k but they only have $300k in equity at the time of the sale after they pay off the mortgage
- Wife takes $285 and husband $15k (ish as an example – I’m struggling with the math right now so if someone wants to help me out I’d appreciate it) so that they share the market risk while acknowledge the wife’s initial investment.
Post # 77
cmsgirl : we are pre-approved and the bank did approve us for over double the downpayment.
All great points!
Post # 78
cmsgirl : nope, not true. I have money in investments and the money I have set aside for a downpayment on a home is in a high interest savings account so it’s not just sitting there. I always planned to use it toward the purchase of a home.
He has his own lawyer. To go 50/50 on the downpayment would take years and the baby needs more room to grow and we do too.
He agrees with the post nup but i know his feelings are hurt. He thinks I don’t trust him. I do trust him. But it’s best not to mix money with emotions.
Post # 79
LilliV : I really do agree with this! Every investment you make is subject to risk. It is inherently unfair for you to have a risk free investment with your home purchase. If you keep your money and choose the wrong investments you are subject to risk. Same is true for real estate. If you choose the wrong home to invest in, the same risk exists. And no part of it should be immune.
Post # 80
I think generally your postnup is reasonable. Yes, there are so many scenarios that people are pointing out, but it would be extremely difficult to account for the infinite number of scenarios that could take place. Some people seem really concerned about the fact that the home may depreciate in value. That seems unlikely unless you only live there for a few years. Over many years, it should appreciate, even with the market ups and downs. But if you want to make some clause about the home depreciating, you can can split the negative difference 50/50 so you wouldn’t be getting your full $250k in that specific case.
The other option is putting in much less downpayment and getting a house you can both afford.
Post # 81
smallbee : Idk the market is insane right now. I think eventually this bubble will pop just like it did in 2008 or whatever and some houses will definitely not be worth what people paid.
Post # 82
smallbee : it’s not an infinite number of scenarios, it’s two. Either the property goes up or it goes down. Most people don’t choose when to get divorced based on the housing market so if a sale is forced they won’t have the luxury of riding out a down market. What would be silly and impractical to track/calculate is every little payment towards the household expenses going forward and comparing that to the value of the unpaid labor each person does.
Post # 83
I think this might be a case of theory vs. Reality. When he agreed to this is was just a theory. Now life has moved forward and there ard kids involved and this is happening in reality. In theory this make a total sense, but could be that in practise he will feel like it is your home or something similar.
What you are asking is not unreasonable but I feel like he needs some time. Maybe ask about his terms and what would make it more comfortable for him.
Where I am from it is very common for couples to have their own loans for the same house. So basically both pay off their own loans according to their own agreements. Naturally, couples have private agreements with the payments depending on life situation. This I especially common when couples have different amount of savings.
Post # 84
LilliV : Not sure where you live but I live in Toronto, Canada and rental agreements here cover CERTAIN repairs and the newer condos cover just basics and usually at a one time cost.. because real estate here is insane if your not from Canada I suggest googling what we go through rent or buy.. there is insane demand.. not as much supply and a literal shoebox (that 2 adults couldnt live in much less with a child) costs 1,800 a month minimum… soooo if OP lives in a city like mine.. so say Vancouver, Monreal (if Canada) or NYC, San Fran etc in the U.S then the whole rental covers allr epairs etc argument is not valid at all. and please dont start with the move to the suburbs or somewhere cheaper because most of the good/high paying/growth opportunity jobs are in the city and most people dont want to spend 4 hours a day commuting as thats a total waste of life.. hence why people rent in first place to be closer to jobs because a house isnt worth many days of life
Not to mention that when you rent your not owning anything and simply paying on someone else’s mortage
ETA: a detached house in suburbs in a good neighborhood still goes for 700k plus so its really hardly cheaper plus a commute.
Post # 85
OP as I stated I think your husband is totally in the wrong however maybe the best middle ground is both putting in same amount of money towards house (whatever that is each takes their portion in case of divorce) and you keep the rest of your money and invest it in stocks, mutual fund or get an invetsment property and rent it out and make sure there is a clause that all money is yours since it was 100% your investment.
My husband and I had everything together from start but if this was our agreement like yours and he started backing out when the time came I would honestly see this is a red flag because he made a promise saying he is okay with it and now he is back tracking.. what other promises is he going to fault on when the time comes
Post # 86
cmsgirl : I don’t think it’s really a double-standard though when you take into consideration the lost wages/career growth potential/retirement that accompanies taking time off to care for a child, which is typically the woman. I also can’t kmagine it being considered a double-standard because she acquired all of their savings prior to marriage—the only time we see bees balking at prenups is when the man is set to earn a higher wage during the marriage and wants to withhold finances obtained within the marriage in case of divorce…
Post # 87
supertrooper0101 : I live in the Boston area so I understand the pinch of living in HCOL city. But here the landlord is responsible for 100% of repairs unless they can claim you intentionally damaged something in which case they’ll hold your security deposit when you move out. But if the fridge kicks the bucket, the hot water heater goes, a neighborhood kid knocks a baseball through your window, whatever it’s on the landlord to arrange for the fix and pay for it.
Post # 88
You are extemely wise and I totally agree with what you are doing. You worked to save the money or were given it perhaps in a inheritance? You have to protect yourself. If you were putting in roughly equal amounts, I wouldn’t bother. But you are putting in significantly more. If you never divorce, none of this will matter down the road. If you do divorce, you would lose half that money. Let him pout. He will get over it. Without your savings, you may not get a house. He should be thankful that you are a great saver.
Post # 89
Mary Ellen1 : exactly! Plus he will have a nicer/ larger place to live for their kid, more discretionary income as his share of the remaining mortgage will be MUCH lower, they’ll be earning equity (vs rent) and no pmi payments.
OP is bringing a quarter of a million dollars (!) to the table for their house; a space that they need for their kid. Her husband is bringing almost nothing(!) yet is actually grousing because she wants a guarantee (of sorts) that the *pre marriage* money she saved so diligently remains hers in the future! Something he even originally agreed to but now wants to renege!
I hope she doesn’t bend on this. At all. I think she will be sorry down the line if she does…