(Closed) Tough Guest List Dilemmas… Share your advice!

posted 7 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: What tough guest list choices did you make?
    Cut out many/most + 1's : (12 votes)
    27 %
    Cut out certain groups of friends : (13 votes)
    30 %
    Cut out extended family members : (15 votes)
    34 %
    Invited way more than we should have, and hoped for the best... it worked! : (3 votes)
    7 %
    Invited way more than we should have, and hoped for the best... and got burned : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’ve been thinking about this too, although to a much smaller degree than you have to.  I’ve been reading the Intimate Weddings blog, which is a blog for weddings of 75 or less.  And everyone talks about having to limit their guest list.  It was kind of inspirational for keeping our guest list to a minimum.  If I’m not certain that I want someone to come to my wedding, how important are they really in my life?  I’m really standing by this event being something that I want share with people who have a meaningful role in my life.

    Post # 4
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We hope to have 150 and that is what we are basing our budget off of. We are inviting about 185-188 people (rule of thumb is that 20% will not attend.) We tried to narrow down our list further and we largely did this by eliminiating +1’s from our guest list. Automatically anyone under 25 did not get a +1 unless they have been in a long term (greater than 1 year) relationship, were cohabitating or engaged/married. This narrowed down the list quite a bit. The only other people who got +1’s were the two people invited who wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding.

    Post # 5
    319 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    This was way harder than I thought it would be for sure. I ended up deciding on inviting tiers of relatives (all the aunts and uncles on one side, all the aunts, uncles and first cousins on the other side).  Fiance did more picking and choosing with his list and ended up inviting more friends but his family lives very far away and he isn’t close with them.  I felt too badly leaving anyone out so sacrified some friends that I had thought about inviting – they didn’t invite me to their wedding so oh well.  Our final list was 115 but we are hoping that only 90 show up because our venue will be packed solid!

    Post # 6
    7606 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    We cut out a lot of +1s from our first draft (we were more generous with extra guests before we settled on a realistic budget, haha) and have chosen not to invite many of the friends whom we only see once a year/never really talk to anymore.  Our wedding is on the small/intimate side, so at least we can use that if anyone asks about it.

    Post # 8
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Well as my invites have not gone out yet we have just decided to invite mostly family and friends we are close to now. Facebook friends we have not seen in years are not getting an invite, my mom is the one who has seriously blew up my guest list she is inviting a lot of her friends and extended family members that will probably not come anyways. So we shall see. Also we know of quite a few out of towners who are not going to be able to make it but we are sending them a courtesy invite anyways.

    In total we are inviting 205 people that is not including +1’s which we are not really stating that we are inviting but I know we will get a few taked on anyways. No big deal. We were going to do a B-List but we found that it is considered rude and people always find out. So we just decided to invite everyone that we thought we should. Our venue holds 180 people I am hoping less than that actually RSVP for the sake of cost but since my mom decided to invite a lot of these random people she is paying for it. Of course I had to pay for the expensive bar tab for all these extra people (Thanks Mom). So anything under 180 at this point is fine with me.

    On a side note when we first started planning I figured we would maybe only have around 100-130 people invited and boy was I wrong. This wedding has blown up to a more massive fancy affair than I ever intended it to be, but I am enjoying it.

    Post # 9
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would lose as many of the +1’s as you can!

    PS I live about 40 minutes west of you…hi from a local  bee!

    Post # 11
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We have a small guest list – intimacy was really important for us and we didn’t want to invite more people than we felt we could spend quality tme with during the evening.

    We also place a lot of weight on the concept that our guests are the witnesses to our vows – these are the people that most inspire us to keep our vows, have taught us the most about what it means to be a well functioning human being, have given us the skills to do the work to keep our vows, and have most supported us as a couple. Random family members we haven’t talked to in 15 years and casual friends of one or the other of us don’t meet these criteria. 

    We only invited friends who were friends of us as a couple, or people who we have learned a great deal from. (Or both!) We only inited +1s for people who wwere travleing and wouldn’t know a great many other people – most of our guests are excited about seeing someo of our other guests and didn’t care to bring a +1. 

    We ended up with 48 people on the guest list, with some room for people to bring children if they wished. 

    Post # 12
    16191 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    If you have a while until you have to narrow it down, a few people may “fall off” just as a matter of how close you stay with them in the coming months — that happened to us a little bit.

    We limited +1s, didn’t invite children undt he age of 12, and removed some very distant family members in order to cut back.

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