- 5 years ago
My big brother is getting married this year to a woman that he is madly in love with. They’ve been together for years and I’m extremely happy for them. However my relationship with his wife to be is…unique. My saving grace is that were on opposite coasts, but I still need some advice on surviving the next 8 months.
It all started when they first got engaged (over a year ago, long engagement). Not even a few weeks later we were at Christmas dinner and she told me I wasn’t allowed to move in with my boyfriend of a year only because she was afraid it would upscale her engagement. I told her we would make sure to just not mention it if she was going to be upset, but the plans had been set already. She was very mad I would do something so close to their engagement. I never thought about them once with our plans to move in–more that we were ready for the next step and the timing was right for us. Also, my boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged soon, but we both are afraid she’ll be upset if we get engaged in the same year they get married (I’ve got some wedding fever but I know I can wait and so can he).
Fast forward a few months, I’m happily living with my boyfriend but put on a few pounds. She asked me if I planned on losing the weight before the wedding. I awkwardly said of course, but inside I was upset, I knew I was a bit bigger but hadn’t felt down about it.
One day I received a curling iron in the mail–she attached a letter that said I needed to start learning how to look like a human before the bachelorette party and bridal shower.
I was Skyping with my brother and she got on the computer. She commented that I hadn’t yet lost the weight and was concerned about what dress she would have to pick out for her bridesmaids if I would be so chubby (I was never overweight–a size 8 at my biggest for the record). She then said she was on Facebook and saw my recent pictures and asked if I’d take a posing class because of my awkward smile, saying she didn’t want me to ruin her pictures. I smiled and said I would look into it but when I hung up I couldn’t stop crying.
Last week we were all together for a family party and she was talking about seating arrangements and said “MarathonNurse, at all times you must be to the left of the camera. I can’t have your crooked teeth ruining my pictures. Also you need to get a new hair dresser, they really screwed up big time.” Before I could even respond she left without saying goodbye. I was again so upset and couldn’t hold back the tears. My mom asked what was wrong but I didn’t repeat it. This isn’t my day and I completely understand that but I feel so horrible. I already have serious self confidence issues that I thought were resolving since I met my boyfriend (who has been amazing this entire time) but my gosh I feel so horrible about myself.
I wanted to post this after the most recent event (there have been more than this actually but these I think are the worst) but I really don’t want to come off as bride bashing and I really do want her day to be perfect. I just feel so horrible and need some encouragement. I know she’s stressed and probably taking it out on me, but I don’t like that I leave most conversations crying.
I don’t think I’ll see her again until the bridal shower, and I’m not responsible for much wedding planning-my awesome mother and the mother of the bride are taking most of the responsibilities and loving it. However I don’t think I could just not talk to her, I am one of the bridesmaids after all.
Bees, do I need thicker skin??