- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2017
I hope this is okay to talk about.
I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend of 3 years (I’m 25, he’s 30). If I had it my way, we would be having sex twice daily. However, we had previously been having sex maybe 3-4 times a week, which was okay, I was satisfied enough. It has now dropped down to once or twice per week. I know for a lot of people this should be nothing to complain about. It does make me a little sad because my drive is just not at that level.
The real problem though is we only ever have sex when he wants it. I have brought up (twice) to him about having more sex. He told me he needs foreplay and I need to iniate more. The first conversation was 6+ months ago. And I was like, okay, I can see where he’s coming from. Well, I have tried to initiate MANY times since then. I know his drive is not as high as mine so I only initiate when it has been a day or two since the last time we had sex.
I am ALWAYS rejected.
I do everything he has said he likes and needs for foreplay. He gets hard but he doesn’t do anything. He just sits there. Like tonight we were watching a show, I got him hard but he just sat there. I kept on teasing him like he likes but he kept on watching the show like nothing was happening. As per usual, I just randomly stopped when I was like (in my head, not out loud), “Okay, it’s not happening this time either.” His boner went away and we just kept on watching the show.
I’m not sure what to do since I’ve already talked to him about this twice. We have sex when he wants it and initiates it and of course I’m not going to say no (and even if I did, number 1 I don’t want to be “that girl” that withholds sex and number 2 not to be mean, but it doesn’t sound like withholding sex would be much of a “punishment’ for him anyways).
There have only been a handful of times I wasn’t in the mood to have sex in the 3 years we’ve been together – 2 or maybe 3 times. And each time, he got really offended and took it personally. So it now makes me mad that it’s “Oh, you must be mad” or whatever if I don’t want sex (which is hardly ever) but it’s okay that we only have sex when he wants. When I want it, he can act like nothing is even happening.
I don’t know if anyone can relate but I’m hoping I can get some advice on what I can say to him and what I can do.
Sorry if this is too Too Much Information.