- 5 years ago
Hey Bees, I need some help.
SO and I had a discussion over the weekend about where we were as far as an engagement plan. A lot of things will be changing in the next 6 months, his graduation, moving, new jobs etc. so we are just trying to organize it in our brains I guess.
Well apparently his “timeline” goes like this:
2. New job/moving
3. Engagement after being settled and saving money
Mine looked more like this:
2. Engagement (so I CAN move in with him)
3. New job/moving
It doesn’t seem like a big deal but it kind of was to him. I don’t want to move in together before getting engaged. I have no problem with people who do and I know a lot of people who it works for but it doesn’t work for me. He sees a proposal as promising to provide for me (a little chauvinistic, maybe, but he won’t let it go).
We’ve been together for 8 years and are very good at communicating and compromisng. But we are seeming to have a really hard time with this. On my side, moving in with him would mean quitting my job (I have a very nice, well-paying job with great benefits), finding a new one in a new area, and quite possibly moving out of state. So I want a little security before I make that major change. We know we want to be together forever anyway, but it is so bad to want the *official* committment first before uprooting my life?
On his side of it, he wants to be stable, in a well paying job where he feels confident to propose and “promise to provide for me”, pay for a wedding (a super small one anyway), a essentially *prove* to my family that he will take care of me. (All of which are unnecessary for me, I love him no matter what even if he was unemployed) but this is very important to him. And if his new job takes him out of state, which it most likely will, he wants me to come with him and it makes him very, very sad to think about moving away without me.
Sorry this is so long, I don’t know what to do. I really want to compromise on this with him because I want to make him happy. But as much as I love him I’m just terrified of moving in together and then having an engagement be put off year after year until we’re “more stable”.