(Closed) Tough situation and need advice. Any social worker bees? (long)

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

First off, I’m in Australia so things are probably slightly different where you are.

Secondly, I’m not a social worker but have studied psychology at university and have basically been a lifelong psych patient.

I think perhaps he needs to spend some time in a psychiatric facility. He’s obviously had a long term struggle with mental illness and it sounds like he does want treatment. If he is treated near a hospital, that will mean he can get treatment for his medical issues as well. I think that putting him in a nursing home will get him away from you, but not improve his condition.

Post # 4
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not a social worker, but I don’t see why you would give up a PhD program and an amazing job for this.  I understand you feel bad, who wouldn’t.  How does your DH feel about this?

Post # 5
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you need to let this man go. He is not “family”, from what you have described. Your husband and him share genes – that’s IT. This is not a father, and neither of you have any obligation to him.

Post # 7
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Being a sperm donor doesn’t make you a father.  This man has done nothing but make his son’s life more difficult. 

He is a manipulator.

Do not change your future for him.

Post # 8
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Does DH have in breaks in school that he could go and help his Dad tie up loose ends. If he had a stroke, is he in the hospital? If he is the social workers there arrange nursing home placement and arrange everything (even dealing with medicaid/medicare). The only thing they don’t do is help sell his house and move his stuff out. I don’t think you guys should just drop everything, but it sounds like your DH will feel bad if he doesn’t do something, even if his dad doean’t deserve it.

Post # 9
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

FYI-Getting him into a Psych unit would be difficult/near impossible if he is in the US.  I’m assuming he is in the US.  I’m not an expert-but, If he is currently in the hospital, he should have a hospital social worker that can make recommendations to Nursing Homes near him. I believe Medicare will pay for 3 wks. for rehabilitative care following a stroke, if he makes progress.  If he has no assets Medicaid will likely pay for his Nursing Home payments.  He will most likely have to sell the house for Medicaid to cover nursing home payments.  It is good that he already is receiving Medicaid.  There may be other options that are less expensive than a nursing home if he doesn’t need 24 hour nursing care, to live in an adult foster home.  I hope that this is somewhat helpful.  You and your husband should not give up all that you have worked for!!! Are there any other family members that could help him get set up?

Post # 10
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There are live-in, nursing communities that are completely income based (and take disability and medicaid). The paperwork is long, but it is worth it. Look for senior/disability living communities in your FIL’s area.

My mom is the same as your Father-In-Law. It’s tough. Hang in there.

Post # 11
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I genuinely believe his father may be able to benefit from a rehabilitation counselor. If he is on Medicaid it’s likely he qualifies for free services from the state. Here’s a list of all the state vr programs (I know it says vocational and he may not be even considering a job but still encourage him to check into it as they can refer him to and help pay for a number of services) 



Im currently in a masters program for rehabilitation counseling and this is exactly the kind of case load we work with. Good luck with everything!

EDT if he is put off by the vocational aspect you can also google search for certified rehabilitation counselors in his area. I only recommend the state because it’s likely he will qualify for free services there 

Post # 14
30 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

First I just want to say I am sorry to hear that you are going through this! It is really rough and a difficult situation for you to be in. I agree with a previous poster, he sounds like a manipulator and I would be careful about being drawn in to that behavior. I am a social worker in a nursing home/rehab so I think I can help you out with some information. I don’t work in Georgia, but since Medicare is a federal program this should all still apply…I am assuming that Medicaid would work similarly as well.

Medicare will pay for up to 100 days of skilled care (skilled nursing, physical, occupational, or speech therapy) IF he needs it and continues to need it (usually people do not get 100 days unless it is a skilled nursing need, like a feeding tube). They pay 100% for days 1-20 and 80% for days 21-100, but Medicaid should pick up the co-pay ($144/day). If he truly had a stroke, it is likely that he would require some type of rehab. The social worker or case manager at the hospital would be planning his discharge and making a referral to an acute or sub-acute rehab facility.That would at least buy you some time in figuring out the next steps.

From there, Medicaid would pay for him to live in a nursing home if he needs help with 3 activities of daily living (showering, dressing, eating, toileting, etc). Like a previous poster said, he would have to sell his house and then “spend down” those assets as well. He may also qualify for some programs in the community. The social worker at the hospital or rehab facility should be able to help him with that.

You should be able to participate via telephone in all the planning as long as you or your spouse is listed on the HIPPA form. Without that, it is likely that no one will give you any info.

Also, in the instance that someone does not have any family or friends to help them, they can become guardians of the state. I don’t know how that would work in Georgia but I know in NJ it goes through the courts.

Hope that helps! And good luck!

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