(Closed) Tough Situation..Wish FI would understand

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?

    Just have both sisters in the wedding party to keep mom happy

    Have no wedding party

    Have just best man/best woman


  • Post # 3
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    One word ELOPE.  Make it about you and your fiancé and let your loony tunes family argue amongst themselves.  

    Post # 4
    2721 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Actually your mom is NOT normal.  She’s far from it.  Your whole family sounds completely dysfunctional.

    The problem is not your fiance, but your family.  You need to learn to stand up to them and stop letting them push you around.  Your fiance should not have to choose only 1 friend to stand up with him at your wedding because your family is nuts.

    Post # 5
    800 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Your mom is not normal. Blaming one child for the fact that one sibling has GID and the other is mentally ill is appalling. I’m sure she blames you because it’s easier than blaming herself, but still. It’s completely unacceptable. If I were you I’d consider putting a little distance between yourself and your family drama. It’s not healthy to be enmeshed in that kind of dysfunctional situation.

    It’s too bad your Fiance doesn’t seem to be on your side, since that’s his job and all. I’d be interested to know why he thinks having a big bridal party is more important than protecting his future wife from her family’s dysfunction.

    Post # 8
    759 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Sorry but your mom does not sound normal to me…I don’t really have any advice.i would elope. Good luck!

    Post # 9
    397 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I agree.. your mom is not normal.. If this is truly how your sisters are then they are completely messed up, YOU are normal and YOU deserve happiness and a normal life!! Your mom is insane for not being supportive of her one normal daughter… If she disowns you for something like that, then is it worth even having her in your life?

    Post # 11
    5995 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    By just a best man and best woman, I assume you mean your sisters aren’t included? I think that’s a good compromise between no bridal party (what you’d like) and a larger bridal party (what he’d like). Your Fiance is meant to *love* and *help* and *sympathise* with you and I think you need to make that clear to him.

    +1 to all those already saying it is wrong (horribly wrong) to blame your sisters’ issues on you. Given your parents’ unreasonable attitude, I think you should stand up to them and not have your sisters in your Bridal Party.

    I don’t support eloping because that’s punishing FI’s family for your family’s problems.

    Post # 12
    4560 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Mom is not normal. Time to start standing up for yourself and not be the whipping post for the family–everything is your fault (even global warming!).

    Do what you want. When Mom gets upset, tell her you are an adult now and are making decisions that are best for you and *your* mental health. If she throws a tantrum or threaten to not attend. Tell her she is an adult and you respect her ability to make decisions that are best for her.

    Then get into therapy! You totally need to see someone if you think your Mom is normal. 

    Post # 13
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @anonymous91:  Honestly, it is really unfair that neither your mom or your fiance is listening to you.  This is YOUR wedding… YOUR feelings have to be heard.  Your mother should not be having a say in this.  If she can’t respect your decisions, then that is really sad.  I can’t imagine her being so narrow-minded and unreasonable that she would really not come to your wedding if you don’t do it her way.  If that is the case, she’s not treating you right and you have no reason to give into it.

    Your fiance definitely has a say, since it is his wedding too… but he needs to understand that this isn’t a petty disagreement that you’re having, like arguing over the flavor of the cake.  You have serious, legitimate reasons for wanting to have no bridal party or just best man/maid of honor.  It may not be his ideal situation, but frankly, he needs to get over it and be supportive of you.  It doesn’t sound like he is terribly willing to be reasonable though.  Hopefully you can talk it out with him.  If it were me in this situation, I wouldn’t want to make him agree with me superficially and then resent me later… I’d really want to make sure that he would be ok with it.  Maybe just keep trying to explain?  If you’ve told him all the stories about how miserable your siblings make you and he still wants you to go ahead with this…. I hate to say it, but that doesn’t bode well for the future.

    ETA:  perhaps instead of having a traditional bridal party, your fiance can have his friends make special toasts at the reception.  That way, they feel included… without having to actually go through all the traditions at the ceremony that will make you uncomfortable.

    Post # 14
    1125 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @strawbabies:  I was just going to type this – she’s not normal at all if all the family issues are your fault.  That’s not normal.

    Either your Fiance needs to comprimise, it’s not only his wedding if he didn’t know that already, or you need to tell your mom to eff off.

    Post # 15
    1611 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    I have a similar situation. You can do two things. Plan your wedding and have them responsible for nothing but showing up. Pick the dress, buy it, give it to them, tell them when to arrive. Or elope! Don’t involve them. You’re not responsible for their shitty feelings or depression. But even though your TG sister is being a bitch I think you should try to be sensitive. Girl hormones are bad wnough some weeks, but imagine completely switching from one to another. It’s hard on the body and estrogen definitely causes mood swings. She’ll probably level out in a few years. Just take the higher road and be extra sweet and nice. If that doesn’t work then avoid them as much as you can.

    Post # 16
    394 posts
    Helper bee

    Best man, maid of honor, ushers. I was in a wedding with this very situation,  it wasn’t awkward, it seemed completely normal to everyone. The bride and groom both had brothers, that’s why there were so many more men involved.  

    And let your sisters hand out programs and be guest book attendant,if they feel like showing up in a decent state of mind on the day of the wedding.

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