(Closed) Tough weekend with FSS

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Holy crap. Is it okay if I say that this kid needs a spankin’?! No WAY was I ever allowed to PUNCH kids orhit/throw things. I threw a tantrum once in a restaurant (i was 6 and I vividly remember it) and was carried out over my dad’s shoulder, spanked, and when I returned, I was well-behaved. Mom says ever since that one embarassing day (more about the embarassment-it’s not like my dad beat me, ya know?) that helped get it into my little head about how it’s okay to act in public.

Can you talk to your Fiance about how to handle bad behavior? Cuz I know kids will be kids, but maybe the kid doesn’t respect you as his future mom in law, so he’s acting out MORE. You and your Fiance need to be on the same page in regards to handling these situations. And if he’s going to let YOU handle it all, well, that’s not fair. There does need to be a disciplinarian in the family somewhere. Your FSS is giving you a harder time for a reason–maybe it’s time you guys had a meeting. You, your Fiance, and your FSS and Fiance tell him that he needs to listen to you and sort of lay out your role in the family. Cuz if he allows his son to treat you differently than to treat him (as opposed to acknowledging you BOTH are his parents) then he will take advantage of you and you’ll never be able to be a team in regards to parenting.

He’s 4, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to let him act out, misbehave, and generally throw a tantrum all the time. Even our 2 year old nephew throws tantrums and he gets punished. It’s not “oh kids will be kids” it’s “we won’t allow this behavior”. Half the time we laugh at him, he gets embarassed, sits there quietly and his mom asks, “Are you done?” and he nods his head sheepishly.

Post # 4
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Aw, that’s really rough. I think that motherhood is hard for anyone, but I imagine that it’s even harder when you’re dealing with the issues that come from being a step parent. 

So this is totally random, but have you guys looked into Parent Child Interaction Therapy at all? You can read about it here or Google it for way more info, but it’s a great program and I’ve been learning a lot about it lately. 

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh man. It definitely sounds like he’s acting out on purpose. He’s 4…he’s not stupid. Especially since this behavior ‘surfaces’ around you and your family, but not so much around Fiance or the kid’s mom…

Hopefully a stern talk puts him in check. But even so, being a single parent shouldn’t be an excuse for poorly behaved children. My husband and his sister were raised by a single mom and she’s very “i never put up with XYZ” when she sees our nephew acting up. She puts the kabosh down pretty quick. Who knows, maybe the kid doesn’t act like this around his mom….i think he’s having trouble adjusting to the idea of a “new mommy” ya know?

If the behavior keeps up and keeps up and doesn’t stop, you could always try a child psychologist/therapist–to give you better ways to deal and curb his behavior and perhaps get to the root of the problem. I don’t understand kids but they’ve seen it all =]. Hey, it worked when I was watching OmgSextuplets, LOL.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Could it be that FSS was just tired at that point? My FSS usually gets an attitude with me (never my FI) when we are around my family and friends.  I think a lot of it has to do with him being uncomfortable/showing off? It sounds like you are doing a great job with him. 

My FSS is 9 and I’ve been in his life since he was 7.  He is a complete angel 99% of the time so I’m lucky!  I love him with all my heart BUT there are times I feel like the odd person out. My Fiance is more relaxed about things than I am so i’m left to be the strict one which can be frustrating. The biggest problem I have is his mother.  She has a totally different parenting style than Fiance and I.  She has 4 boys from 3 different fathers…it’s just a mess.  She doesn’t make him brush his teeth, wear decent clothes, do his homework, wear a helmet when riding his bike…etc.  All things that we enforce here.  She’s impossible to deal with.  We have FSS one day a week and every weekend so we get him to the point where he is doing the things he needs to and then he goes to his moms and reverts back to his old ways.  Sometimes I feel like im going to lose my mind.  I love my Fiance and his son but it is not easy being a step-mom! 

 

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You could try laughing at him when he throws those tantrums…work a little of your own psychological magic. Maybe it only works on our nephew cuz he’s 2 but he REALLY gets into his tantrums and we’re like, “where the hell did he learn to do this?!” because it’s ALL OUT–on the floor, kicking and screaming, with the MOST pitiful, pathetic faces. He stops pretty quick, though….a table full of people laughing at him doesn’t really make him feel good i guess =]

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