- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
This is more of a vent than anything else. I’m just come off a tough weekend (evening mostly) with my future stepson and I’m just trying to get it off my chest so I can get over it and move on. So FSS is four years old, definitely at the age of testing boundaries, etc etc. He’s much better behaved for Fiance and I than for his mother (thank god). We typically have really good weekends when he’s here (every other weekend) although Fiance would agree that FSS gives me a much harder time than he does Fiance. So this weekend went pretty well. A few ups and downs, but nothing atypical for a four year old.
Enter tonight. Let’s back up and say earlier he had a listening issue in the park with Fiance and had to come home early (most likely caused by him being hungry, he tends to act up and he pretty much eats non stop right now because going through a growth spurt). Fine. Then we went to see a friend who’s a K9 police officer who gave us a great tour of the kennels, saw one of the dogs do a training exercise, etc. FSS was awesome and had a lot of fun. We went to see another friend, again, really great. Then we get to my parents house and my two nephews are there (5 and 3 years old). So the kids are playing, having fun, and my older nephew comes to me and says FSS slapped him across the face. Not okay. Immediate time out for FSS, big trouble. He apologizes to my nephew, but clearly my nephew sort of keeps his distance from him after that. We have dinner, it’s going fine. After dinner the kids run off to play. I notice FSS doing something kind of funny near the TV and I go over to make sure he’s not messing with cords or anything. He looks at me and says “I did something in my pants”. Great. So I call Fiance to come deal with it. Potty training has been an issue but he’s been doing really well for 2 weeks so it was an accident but still, he’s moved past the stage of pull ups. Ugh. Fine, moving on. My dad takes FSS and my nephews outside to play for a while. I tell FSS that we’re leaving in 10 minutes, so have fun, but I’ll be out soon to collect him to go home to Mommy’s house. Fine.
It’s probably been about 20 minutes and I go out to collect FSS and say, “okay finish up what you’re doing, put that on the pile you’ve made, time to go home”. He throws a HUGE tantrum. Like running away screaming sort of tantrum. I tell him to stop. Again. Again. Again. (This is what happened to Fiance in the park earlier in the day) I count to three. I go get him. He’s WAAAAYYYY in the back of the forest of my parent’s lot. I carry him about halfway out. He’s screaming and crying. I put him down and I say (rather angrily) “Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you? It’s not okay to run away. I told you we would be leaving soon, this is not appropriate behaviour.” So he tries to kick me, and throws rocks. I pick him up, haul him under my arm, walk him through the rest of the yard (the lot is about an acre deep), into the house, grab the keys, put him in his car seat, close the door. I don’t want to listen to him scream. Fiance comes out and looks at me and says “You’re out of breath”. Seriously, I wanted to punch him. Then of course my whole family is like “Oh kids are like that.. Don’t react so much… You did that when you were a kid…”. Oh my god seriously?! How about I’m doing the best I can, so you guys shut up and leave me alone. Running away from your parent (or step parent) is not safe. Kicking, punching, throwing things, never acceptable. We don’t have a ton of rules, but the ones we have are to keep FSS and the people around him safe! We don’t run away, we don’t try to hurt people. Those are our major rules! Listen, use your please and thank yous, try to have good manners, have fun but be safe! It’s not like we’re crazy restrictive parents!
I’m just super frustrated because I feel like we have a lot of fun together until we’re around my family and then sh!t hits the proverbial fan. I feel like I’m coming off looking like this crazy super strict freak out spaz of a parent. I don’t want to look bad in front of my family. I’m a good step parent. I do the best I can. We all screw up every now and then but I feel like our worst times ALWAYS happen in front of my family.
I feel like Fiance doesn’t see sometimes how frustrated I am. I know I signed up for this. I know I did. But sometimes I just want to scream “HE’S NOT MY KID!!!” at him. I’m never going to have that parent/child genetic bond with FSS that gets you over the hump on a bad day. I’m doing this because I love Fiance so much, and this is what I need to do to be with him. It’s a package deal. Some days I just want to say to him “THIS is how much I love you. I love you so much I’m willing to be emotionally beat down every two weeks by your kid. Don’t you see???”.
I’m just tired and frustrated and venting and emotional. I realize there is no answer. There is nothing I can do to change it. The kid is four and all four year olds are volatile and unpredictable. He’s not the first kid the history of the world to be a PIA and try to break all the rules and push his parents beyond the limits.
Back to my wine. Thanks for letting me vent. Send a hug if you can.