(Closed) toxic bridesmaid acting weird and distant

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

Let her go.

Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

Definitely let it go.

You said this girl is going through a tough time (a bit of depression).  Be kind to her.

You’ve shared a lot with this woman, and you want to share all of your excitement with her now.  You’re upset that she isn’t fulfilling her supposed friendship duty of being happy just because you are.  Well, you’re expecting too much.  People go through ups and downs. She’s not upset that your happy, she’s just upset because she’s in a bad place herself.

You’re the one who’s experiencing one of the happiest times of your life.  It sounds like her “depression” is raining on your parade.  You’re being a bit self-indulgent (and not a very good friend).  Can’t you be the bigger person?  You should be.

But if you want to drop her for not being cheerful enough, that’s your business.

Post # 6
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

@skschick:  I completely understand your desire to share these exciting wonderful things with friends!  And yes, I do have five bridesmaids, but I am careful with what I say to some of them. 

One of my bridesmaids has been dating the same guy for EIGHT years with no ring anywhere in sight.  I make it a point not to rub it in.  It’s human nature for her to feel jealous and upset.  This poor girl has been waiting forever and quite honestly, I don’t think her boyfriend is ever going to marry her.  I feel for my friend.   She has absolutely no duty except to show up at my wedding (in our hometown).  I’ve even bought her dress for her.  I can’t expect her to be excited right now when she’s so unhappy.

I have another bridesmaid who just got married six months ago.  She’s in wedded bliss and is more than happy to listen to me talk about shoes, dresses and venues. 

In fact each person in my life is at a different stage in theirs.  I try to be respectful of that.  This is one of the happiest times in my life, but I can’t expect everyone to drop everything.

The bottom line is I think you should cut your friend some slack.  If you’ve been friends for FOURTEEN years, you must see some great qualities in her.  Just because she’s not being as enthusiastic as you’d like doesn’t mean she’s not happy for you.  It might just mean that she’s miserable herself.  She probably needs you to understand what’s going on with her more than you need her to get excited about wedding planning.  Again, this is just my opinion and only you know what you’re willing to tolerate.  But there’s a very good chance that one day you’ll go through a tough time yourself and you’ll regret being so quick to drop her.  Like I said, life is full of ups and downs and true friends are the ones that stick with you through the tough times, when you’re the most difficult to love.

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