Toxic Father

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

I am someone who believes you invite immediate family to the wedding no matter what but in your case he sounds awful. I would wait for his next can’t wait to wear my new sneakers walking you down the aisle to reply, don’t wait wear them now because you are not walking me down the aisle. Disinvite him and stick to your position he’s horrible and you deserve a wonderful criticism free day. Best of luck.

Post # 18
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

I haven’t spoken to or seen my “father” in over half my life. I don’t talk to anyone on that side of my family at all. You have to look after yourself first and foremost and keep toxic people from affecting you.

Post # 19
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

justwaiting1230 :  definitely sounds like you need to keep him away from the wedding. Will be the best thing for you. My SIL has never regretted keeping her mother away, been a bit sad, yes, but sad over the fact that she doesn’t have a decent mother, not sad that she kept the toxic woman away from her wedding.

You’ll likely get a few more comments from people about regretting it, even on the day, but stick with your decision and know you’ve made the right one for you and your Fi. 

Post # 20
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Some people just suck. 

Post # 21
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

Your relos are correct in saying “He’s your father and he’s stuck in his own ways” so he will never change. Cut him off or at least keep a loooooong safe distance from him. Even when you talk to him, do not give his words power. Just ignore it and say “oh I see” “yeah you are right”. that way you break the cycle of his words hurting you. It’s hard because at the end of the day, he is your biological father..

Post # 23
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

justwaiting1230 :  ugh! He truly is a hateful man. Given that he going to try and get everyone else against you with this (if he’s done it with one, he will likely do it with others), I would be tempted to try and get ahead of it by sending out some sort of mass message. Just a polite thing saying you and he do not see eye to eye and due to various personal reasons he is not invited to the day and that you would like it if things could remain civil. Or something like that, just to show that you’re not trying to put guests in an awkward spot about it all. Some of the other bees may have a better way of wording it.

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this though, I hope your Fi is helping to support you, even if it’s just with cuddles and a listening ear to vent to.

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