I don’t know that our relationship is toxic, but it’s basically nonexistent. It was just the two of us growing up, but she was incredibly selfish. I had no idea how much better off we could have been until I was older, but she made really good money ($60k, which is great around here) and spent it all on marijuana. She’d rather sit in the living room and smoke than do anything (including cleaning, cooking, basic home care/maintenance). We lived in a tiny, old house that had a lot wrong, and she liked to just ignore things and hope that they’d go away. She never paid bills and we never had any money.
She started asking me for money a few years ago. That’s basically the only contact we have anymore. She and her gross boyfriend moved out of his apartment (oh yeah, she straight up moved out of the house I grew up in because it was in foreclosure, didn’t tell me, left all of my stuff that I had stored there, and oh, right, TOSSED MY CATS OUTSIDE TO FUCKING DIE) and had internet access while they were at a hotel, waiting for the trailer they bought to be fixed up. She emailed me to tell me about their new place, to which I replied and added that I was graduating college on x date at y time. She replied and completely ignored that, just asked if we could help her move. I told her no.
I was unemployed for just over a year, and she was still texting me for money. The day I had an interview for my old job, she called me, crying, because her shitty van broke down on the way to work, and she needed someone to take her out to where it was to get it. I called her after the interview and we went out there, but hey, it was gone (towed). She starts freaking out and I suggest that she have the coworker who was going to take her home take her the extra 2 miles to pay the towing fee and get the van back. Nope, she calls me later and wants ME to do it. I had to take her out to pay it (I paid for it) and then way out to the other side of town to wait for over an hour for someone to show up and unlock the gate, then ANOTHER hour for her boyfriend’s waste of space brother to get his ass around and drive the FIVE MINUTES from his house so that he could tow it.
Then we get back to her place and she’s proudly showing me the cabinets they’re going to buy for the kitchen. After I just paid her impound fee. Godfuckingdamnit.
After that, I said no more. I get maybe two texts a year now, always asking for money. The answer is always no. I have a wedding to pay for, got laid off of my old job, and this current job was a pay cut. She never mentioned ANYTHING about my engagement or the wedding. I hope they RSVP no. I see her at family gatherings and mostly ignore her. The whole family knows how she treats me, so whatever. Her choice. I don’t deal with or coddle people like that for the sake of keeping the peace. It’s not worth it.