- 6 years ago
This is a spinoff, in a sense, of another post about a mother who is less than supportive of her daughter.
I see posts sometimes about awful MILs, but do any other bees have a mother who is … ummm… troublesome?
Some background on my situation:
My mother, in her mind, is a wonderful person. Most people who meet her think she is a very sweet person.
When I was growing up, however, my mother didn’t really like me. She adored my sister… but I was her little problem child. I vividely remember one time when I was 9 she pulled me aside and told me I was the reason my parents were going to end up divorced (they never got a divorce). When I lost a friend in a tragic accident as a teen, she was never really there for me, she kind of avoided me. In all of my relationships, over the years, she has made it a point to applaud the guy I am dating for “dealing with me” because I am “so difficult.” She also uses lines like “you are your fathers daughter” and “we will never be close.”
I was an anxious kid and I had a smart mouth at times, but I look back and have trouble understanding how she could be so mean to a child. She even backhanded me once for acting up …and I remember how shocked I was that she “hated me” so much, to backhand me across the face.
She has low self esteem, has never had a career and is a very jealous and insecure woman. I see that now, at my age. Weirdly, I love my mom and we still talk. Things are more peaceful now because of distance. I tune her out now when she starts acting like a victim.
I am finally in a functional relationship and it took me a looong time to get there. I endured a few very abusive and toxic romantic relationships in my 20’s. I can’t help but wonder, how much of that is due to my upbringing and relationship with my mother? After reading a post about another bee’s troubled relationship with her mom and seeing her struggle a bit with her self worth… it seems there must be a connection.
Anyone have a similar story?