Post # 1
So my FH and I went and met with the Priest this past weekend and he ended up asking me if my father would be walking me down the aisle. Now, I had thought about this a bit before, but hadn’t come up with any conclusion or haven’t asked my parents. But, not knowing frustrated me and I ended up crying right there in his office.
To give you some background – my parents are divorced. They separated when I was about 7 years old and he moved out and away – officially divorcing when I was in high school. My dad and I still talk once in a while, but when we do it is usally a longer conversation. Always more serious, whether it was school related, job advice, etc. But, growing up high school on I never saw him on a regular basis.
It is a weird situation…more info: I invited him to my college graduation (hadn’t seen him since my HS one 4 years prior) and he had planned to attend and then said because of work he couldn’t go. So about 4 years later he was in PA to visit his brothers for some annual golf tournament and he invited my FH and I to come up. So, we did – he got to meet my FH and everything was fine. We just don’t really address the times in my life when I didn’t see him on a frequent basis.
Anyways, the following year FH and I get engaged. And now we are 2 months out from our wedding. Back to the current issue. My dad is invited to my wedding. He is my father and we get along, even though I don’t find him to be the most supportive or communicative person. Meanwhile, my mother raised my sister and I like 99% on her own. The Priest asking me who was walking me down brings me to tears because my FH comes from a very traditional Catholic family who I am sure expects a traditional ceremony.
Do I walk down alone? Or will that offend my mom? Do I ask my dad to walk along with my mom, even though I am not sure if they can even be mature enough to not fight since they haven’t seen each other in about 8+ years? What do I do?
I googled about this and I cannot find similar situations. Most are either estranged from their father and he isn’t attending. Have you had or been to a wedding where the dad was present but didn’t walk the bride down the aisle?
I just don’t know what to do! Any advice would be appreciated!!
Sorry that this is all over the place. It has been weighing on my mind and I am trying to type this up while at work!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I think you should choose whoever is most important to you to walk you down. My best friend had her kid sister walk her down, and it was really touching. It might not be traditional, but you should be able to defend your choice here. If you want your mom to walk you, do that.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@camigliotta: Walk alone. Mom will understand; most moms don’t expect to walk their daughter down the aisle.
Post # 5
@beachbride1216 – do you think people would find it odd that my father is attending the wedding and not walking me down the aisle? I know that it is my choice – but I also don’t want drama caused over it and espescially not DURING the big day!
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
My mom actually asked if she could walk down the aisle with me and my dad, and I was like, “I love you mom, but no.” My parents are divorced too and MAN! Their divorce was UGLY! One of the worst I’ve ever seen or heard about. But I asked each of them if they would come to the wedding and if it would be a problem that their ex was there. They said they would absolutely come and it wouldn’t be a problem at all. And it wasn’t! They were very polite to each other. I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle. If that’s not what you want, then don’t do it! Do what you’re comfortable with. It’s your wedding.
Post # 7
If you are really close with your mom, why don’t you ask her? I bet she would love to walk you down the aisle. Otherwise, I would say just walk down by yourself. There’s nothing wrong with either one of them…its definitely a hard situation to make regardless…but I think you definitely should go with ur instict on this. If your dad wasn’t around and you aren’t close with him, then there is no reason to have him walk you down the aisle (IMO, obviously)
Post # 8
P.S I don’t think people are going to think twice if your mom walks you down the aisle and your dad is there. I think the wedding is about you…and thats the important thing. I’m going through a situation where my bio dad was never around growing up, but has been around since i was in a really bad accident a few years ago. I asked my dad (the one that raised me while the bio dad was MIA) to walk me down the aisle although some people suggested having one walk me half way, the other the other half. But when it came down to it..my bio dad wasn’t around growing up and he didn’t raise me…and that i didn’t want to take that moment away from me and my dad. I know its a hard situation…but it will work out
Post # 9
Why don’t you have both of them walk you down the aisle? That’s what I’m going to do. My dad and I haven’t been close since my parents divorced when I was 9. There were plenty of years that I didn’t see him. A friend of mine in a similar situation had both of her parents walk her down the aisle and I thought it was a great idea! So, we’re going to do the same.
Post # 10
I know it has been a month until the reply, but you’ve still got time to think about this, and i say…
Ask your mom!
My best friend’s dad had a lot of problems and died a couple years before her wedding. Her parents had been divorced for a while, and her mom was single. She had her mom walk her down the aisle and it was gorgeous.
I’ve always planned on having my mom walk me down. My parents never married, and I’ve met my dad once, about 12 years ago. My grandpa and I aren’t as close as we used to be, and while my stepdad and I get along, he’s only been in my life for 8 years. My mom has been my best friend and biggest supporter. Even if my dad was there, even with my stepdad and grandpa there, she’s doing it. It’s her place. It sounds like if it’s anyone’s place in your life, it would be your mom’s. If she’s agreeable, I think it’s an amazing way to honor her.
If anyone is rude enough to comment on your dad not escorting you, tell them that your mom has been with you every step of the way, so you felt this was only fitting.
Post # 11
I’m also in a situation where i’m probably going to have my mom walk me down the isle. In this case, how would you handle the father/bride dance? Do you forgo it? Do you dance with your mom? I feel like that might be strange, no? gahh i’m so confused
Weddings can be so awkward for non-traditioanl families
Post # 12
so I ended up changing my mind from walking down alone to walking down with both parents. I decided, since I was inviting my dad to the wedding, that it was only fair for me to be the adult here. Even though my mom was WAY more involved in my life and I explained that to her when I spoke to her about it and she seemed very proud and excited for me. My parents both walked me down the aisle and to be honest it was great – the only problem is with three people your dress tends to get stepped on haha. but, hey – if that is the only problem out of them two both walking me down the aisle I say it was a huge win!
I say, go with whatever you are comfortable with! I know it’s hard to say, especiallybecause I am the one who started the post. But, after the Priest asked me who was walking me down and even the Catholic marriage book didn’t have the pre-selected choice to say “no one” and I got emotional from that, I knew it was something that would need more time for me to think on.
Just ask yourself, will you ruin any relationships by not asking one or both parents? Will they respect your decision regardless? I hope they will, but it is things worth thinking about. As much as this is YOU and your fiances DAY – it still will leave an impact on others and you want to think about that as you plan.
As for the dances – I didn’t opt to do them. I didn’t really want to do them, plus we only had a 4 hour reception (1 hour cocktail and 3 hours for dinner and dancing) and I thought it was going to slow things down. I had spoke to my fiance and explained also that it would be awkward for me if his mom and him did a dance and I chose not to do one with my dad. I figured i’d cause questions that I didn’t want to deal with. It worked out – he ended up grabbing his mom to the dance floor (while others where there) and they got to have their own dance anyways.
Hope this helps!!!