Traditional in laws not hosting anything

posted 3 months ago in Family
Post # 2
3030 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

beachgrl73 :  March is quite far away to be discussing shower plans and possibly even rehearsal dinner plans. That said, your feelings are yours and you’re entitled to them, but you can’t expect someone else to host your event (rehearsal dinner), so try not to get to upset about that. 

Post # 3
45534 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it is too early to know what is going to happen 8 months from now.

Post # 4
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

“No one had discussed hosting a shower for me on his side”. Girl, so greedy. One shower is enough and more than some people get – and it’s usually hosted by your people (Mom, MOH, sister etc). 

Bring your expectations down to zero and be happy if you’re surprised. 

Post # 5
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

beachgrl73 :  I think it’s weird to expect a shower from both sides.  

Are you relying on them hosting a rehearsal dinner financially?  If you can’t afford it you might just have to skip it. 

Post # 6
7181 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FIL made cracks about how the brides family usually pays for the wedding (but it was my second wedding and I was 33- so we paid everything ourselves). Anyway, he never offered to pay for a rehearsal dinner, so I guess in his opinion it’s only the brides family obligation.

Post # 7
26 posts

Traditions about showers, rehearsal dinners (really everything wedding related) vary from region to region and are very cultural, so I don’t think it’s greedy to anticipate a shower from both sides or a rehearsal dinner from the in laws. If your wedding date is March of next year, my guess is they just haven’t gotten as far with planning as you have, or they may have in mind something more casual that doesn’t require such advanced booking. For example, my in-laws hosted a catered barbecue at their home for our rehearsal dinner, and it turned out lovely- very casual and intimate.  I’d be patient. If you get closer to your date and still no offers, then accept it and plan on doing the rehearsal dinner yourself.

Post # 8
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

We are grown ups. We pay our own way.  Didn’t expect anything hosted/paid for by either set of parents. I’d leave it and have the wedding you would like and afford between the two of you. I’m sure girlfriends will arrange a hen/girls type party to celebrate with you prior to your wedding day. 

If parents offer to host something extra well then that’s lovely but don’t bank on it nor expect it. 

Post # 9
1492 posts
Bumble bee

I love how “traditional” means “give me money”

Post # 10
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

I’m not sure that rehearsal dinners are traditionally paid for by the groom’s side. I’ve seen the couple host the dinner several times. I also have been to 50 person rehearsal dinners and ones that only include the bridal party.

Neither family should host a shower. Traditionally, this is a bridesmaid or family friend. But they have to offer.

Post # 11
1207 posts
Bumble bee

We don’t really do bridal showers, but I was always under the impression that the bride’s side usually hosts the shower? Usually the bride’s mother or other female relative in conjunction with the maid of honor/bridesmaid?

Post # 12
2751 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Like a PP said, depending on the region, having showers thrown by both sides can be pretty common. I had two showers, each thrown by aunts from my side and my husband’s side. Did I “expect” them? No, but I did anticipate them though just because that’s how things are done in our social circles. It doesn’t make her greedy. I also think people get bent out of shape over showers for no reason. Many people think that shower gifts are separate from wedding gifts, but in my region they aren’t. Gifts you receive at your shower  ARE your wedding gifts. It’s incredibly rare to receive a shower gift and a wedding gift. I went off on a tangent sorry. 

Post # 13
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

beachgrl73 :  I think they’re probably waiting for an invitation to go out to discuss showers, etc. I’m assuming you won’t be sending your invites out until December or January? I’d worry about it then. This whole trend of planning a wedding a year in advance is a relatively new thing and I’m sure his aunts are thinking of it, it’s just way too early to plan anything.

Post # 14
2032 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Plan to do the rehearsal dinner yourself and drop the expectation of a shower on his side. If they end up offering, great. If not, they have no obligation to. 

Post # 15
8646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s also traditional to spend according to one’s finances. And for showers to be hosted by a friend or small group of friends, or friends of the family, not a family member. 

These things are optional in any case, not an obligation. 

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