Post # 1
Hello everyone 😃 My in laws are very traditional, conservative so I was expecting them to offer to host our rehearsal dinner. We have been engaged for awhile and they know everything else is booked, but they have not offered to host the rehearsal, or have not told us that they won’t be. Then, I was talking with his sister and she was acting like no one had discussed holding a shower for me on his side. His family is very large and I know my aunt won’t have space to host his side as well. I know they have no obligation to do anything, but I guess I’m just feeling slighted that they are not helping out with anything. His cousins have all gotten a shower from each side, so that’s what I was expecting. I guess I’m just surprised that, considering how traditional they are, they haven’t offered to follow traditional hosting guidelines.
Anyone else in this situation? Thanks
Post # 2
beachgrl73 : March is quite far away to be discussing shower plans and possibly even rehearsal dinner plans. That said, your feelings are yours and you’re entitled to them, but you can’t expect someone else to host your event (rehearsal dinner), so try not to get to upset about that.
Post # 3
I think it is too early to know what is going to happen 8 months from now.
Post # 4
“No one had discussed hosting a shower for me on his side”. Girl, so greedy. One shower is enough and more than some people get – and it’s usually hosted by your people (Mom, MOH, sister etc).
Bring your expectations down to zero and be happy if you’re surprised.
Post # 5
beachgrl73 : I think it’s weird to expect a shower from both sides.
Are you relying on them hosting a rehearsal dinner financially? If you can’t afford it you might just have to skip it.
Post # 6
My FIL made cracks about how the brides family usually pays for the wedding (but it was my second wedding and I was 33- so we paid everything ourselves). Anyway, he never offered to pay for a rehearsal dinner, so I guess in his opinion it’s only the brides family obligation.
Post # 7
Traditions about showers, rehearsal dinners (really everything wedding related) vary from region to region and are very cultural, so I don’t think it’s greedy to anticipate a shower from both sides or a rehearsal dinner from the in laws. If your wedding date is March of next year, my guess is they just haven’t gotten as far with planning as you have, or they may have in mind something more casual that doesn’t require such advanced booking. For example, my in-laws hosted a catered barbecue at their home for our rehearsal dinner, and it turned out lovely- very casual and intimate. I’d be patient. If you get closer to your date and still no offers, then accept it and plan on doing the rehearsal dinner yourself.
Post # 8
We are grown ups. We pay our own way. Didn’t expect anything hosted/paid for by either set of parents. I’d leave it and have the wedding you would like and afford between the two of you. I’m sure girlfriends will arrange a hen/girls type party to celebrate with you prior to your wedding day.
If parents offer to host something extra well then that’s lovely but don’t bank on it nor expect it.
Post # 9
I love how “traditional” means “give me money”
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
I’m not sure that rehearsal dinners are traditionally paid for by the groom’s side. I’ve seen the couple host the dinner several times. I also have been to 50 person rehearsal dinners and ones that only include the bridal party.
Neither family should host a shower. Traditionally, this is a bridesmaid or family friend. But they have to offer.
Post # 11
We don’t really do bridal showers, but I was always under the impression that the bride’s side usually hosts the shower? Usually the bride’s mother or other female relative in conjunction with the maid of honor/bridesmaid?
Post # 12
Like a PP said, depending on the region, having showers thrown by both sides can be pretty common. I had two showers, each thrown by aunts from my side and my husband’s side. Did I “expect” them? No, but I did anticipate them though just because that’s how things are done in our social circles. It doesn’t make her greedy. I also think people get bent out of shape over showers for no reason. Many people think that shower gifts are separate from wedding gifts, but in my region they aren’t. Gifts you receive at your shower ARE your wedding gifts. It’s incredibly rare to receive a shower gift and a wedding gift. I went off on a tangent sorry.
Post # 13
beachgrl73 : I think they’re probably waiting for an invitation to go out to discuss showers, etc. I’m assuming you won’t be sending your invites out until December or January? I’d worry about it then. This whole trend of planning a wedding a year in advance is a relatively new thing and I’m sure his aunts are thinking of it, it’s just way too early to plan anything.
Post # 14
Plan to do the rehearsal dinner yourself and drop the expectation of a shower on his side. If they end up offering, great. If not, they have no obligation to.
Post # 15
It’s also traditional to spend according to one’s finances. And for showers to be hosted by a friend or small group of friends, or friends of the family, not a family member.
These things are optional in any case, not an obligation.