(Closed) "Traditional" values?

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@jb20:  I’m not sure being christian means women don’t work. Obviously women in the biblical days absolutely did work.

I personally will work and be the sole caregiver, as was my mother. That said, I don’t think you should feel bad for being a stay at home mom in the least. So long as your family is financially able to do so.

People will always have opinions about how you should live and raise your kids. Now would be a good time to figure out what you want and let the rest roll off your back. They are as entitled to their opinions as you are, but you and your husband are the last word on it.

Post # 4
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry but what does this have to do with being religious? If you want to stay home, do it.

Post # 5
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

While I personally feel very differently than you do, there is nothing wrong with what you want to do! If you and your family are financially secure and happy, then there’s no problem. But you may want to keep your mind open to other possibilities, because you never know how life will turn out. You may someday need an extra income, or you may feel the desire to work when your kids are older. You may not, and that’s fine, but I would suggest keeping your mind open to the possibilities. 

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jb20:  I don’t work out of the home.  We don’t have kids yet either.  I’m sure some people have varied opinions on that, but quite honestly, it works for us.

 

I don’t need anybody else’s approval.  

 

Some households NEED the dual income.  

 

I was actually just having this same debate with someone on here a couple months ago.  She stated that she does all the cooking and cleaning in her home AND works outside of the home. Well, good on her.  I also handle everything home-related around here.  I’ve installed plumbing and light fixtures, I do all the lawn care and take care of any and other maintenance issues around the home.  Basically, my husband works a LOT.  He travels about 2 (sometimes 3) weeks a month for business.  It works out best if I am here to care for the house all the time, rather than working 40 hours a week outside the home.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not a christian but I think this is an issue all women deal with. I know plenty of people religious and secular who want to be stay at home parents. I don’t think anything wrong with this, the only thing I find troubling is not having a backup.

The fact of the matter is having something, even if it’s not a degree, perhaps a a training or technical degree, and some work experience will be very valuable. The fact of the matter is you don’t know what the future holds. If something were to happen with your Fi’s job and you may need to work temporarily or for a few years to make ends meet.

ps: Don’t ever feel bad about your choices, you don’t have justify your life  and home to anyone. At the end of the day it’s none of their business.

Some people eventually have to work out of the home to make ends meet and feed their children. I think you should work a little or get qualified for something to make yourself more marketable to employers in case anything were to happen.

I know people who work part time or volunteer to get out of the house because they do want to do something outside of being a stay at home wife/mother.  I know people who have multiple high level degrees and have plenty of job opportunities who end up deciding they rather stay home with their children. It doesn’t have to be such a black or white thing. You can be educated and gain work experience with the goal of being a stay home parent.

Post # 8
Member
3155 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t let people judging how you want to live your life affect you. But I do second having a backup plan. Hopefully your SO will always have the ability to support you and you can always be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but there is something to be said for being able to support yourself/your family just in case. 

Post # 9
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

@jb20:  I think this is less a Christian issue and more a social issue. As a previous poster pointed out, women absolutely did work in biblical days. Today, women are expected to work. They’re expected to be financially secure and contribute to the household. I, myself, could not imagine not teaching and earning a paycheck. I also think that I will take some time off to raise our someday children until they are school-aged. 

I think my only issue with your situation is that I worry about you being financially secure in the absence of your husband. I am not strictly speaking divorce. What if, god forbid, he passes away at a young age and you suddenly have to raise your children without his financial support? If you do not have a degree or work experience, this is going to be very difficult for you.

Post # 10
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not religious at all.

Saying that, I would absolutely LOVE to be a stay at home mum.  But it’s just not possible. Unless my Fiance gets a giant raise, or we win the lottery (which we don’t play so that’s never gonna happen) there’s no where I could not work.  My hope is that we can save enough that I can not work for the first few years, or do something part time, or fromn home. 

I know lots of people who feel the same. I think this goes beyond religion. 

Post # 11
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

When I was younger, I envisioned meeting my FH while I was in college, getting married shortly thereafter, working for a couple of years, having children, and being a stay-at-home mom until or unless I decided to try to return to the workforce after my potential future children were in school. 

However, God’s plan for my life, and my plan for my life, turned out to be two very different things.

Long story short, despite my having dated a lot while I was younger, despite my having had a steady boyfriend for the last two years of college and slightly beyond, and despite my having later been engaged to a really wonderful guy, God eventually made it clear to me that none of those relationships was the one he had chosen for me. 

When I was growing up or in my 20s and 30s, I never in my wildest dreams thought that God’s perfect will would involve me still being single in my mid-40s; however, that was indeed the case.  The Lord did not bring my Darling Husband into my life until I was almost 46, and we married when I was 47.

I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with you and your Fiance planning for you to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I’m sure you will be a great blessing to your husband and to your children.

I am thankful that, because God’s plan for my life did not unfold as I had anticipated that I ended up pursuing my bachelor’s and master’s degrees and that God blessed me with a wonderful, interesting, challenging, and fulfilling, 25-year career.

It’s interesting, because, although our current financial picture indicates that I will need to find a job in this “new” area to which I had to relocate as a result of my marriage to my Darling Husband, I still haven’t been able to find anything in my field.  On the one hand, I really miss the challenges of working outside the home and being able to get dressed up every day, and making a great salary using my education and work experience.  On the other hand, I also have been thankful for the blessing of having had some time to be at home.

As long as you and your Fiance are following what God wants for your lives, don’t allow others to make you question your choices and decisions. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Even if you plan to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or Stay-At-Home Wife for the rest of your life, you never know what the future holds.

What if you divorce and have no way to care for yourself? This happened to my roommate’s mother. She ended up staying in an abusive relationship for a decade because she had no other way to live without the guy’s financial assistance. You need an education and some way to make a living so that this doesn’t happen to you.

And what if your husband loses his job? My Future Father-In-Law made excellent money working at the stock exchange in London. Then one day he got laid off, and it took him awhile to get back on his feet. His wife had to go to work then after being a Stay-At-Home Mom for 15 or so years. It could happen to anyone.

Anyway, I think you should stay at home if you want to! But definitely have some sort of skill or education that you can rely on in case the worst happens.

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee

I also don’t think it’s a Christian issue. I also want to stay home with my children for a few years and don’t feel like there’s anything is wrong with being a stay at home mom and in fact, think it’s better for the children. I agree with others though it will be good to have a back up plan.  Even if you stay married, what if something happens to your husband?  You just never know and you might end up living in poverty if something did happen to your husband. 

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’d feel less alone if you didn’t use the fact that people put down what you want as a reason to put other people down. I would have completely agreed with your post and had sympathy…but the part about how it’s a mother’s job to take care of them and not have a babysitter or daycare really turns me off. Don’t put down other’s choices and expect them to not do the same to you, it’s not fair. And that’s coming from someone who is going to be a Stay-At-Home Mom (I’m not Christian, but I’m also not really sure what that has to do with it.)

Post # 15
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jb20:  I don’t think being a christian has anything to do with being a full time parent and staying at home with your kids.  I think that is more of a thought of the way it used to be, when women didn’t play the role of mom and employee.  Today, it is just common for mom’s to be in the workplace.

 

Growing up my mother never worked after having us.  She was always at home.  My father made enough money to support the family.  But that was in a different economic time than what we have today.

 

I think if you can afford it, then by all means stay at home.  I don’t think that you will have any regrets.  Like I said, my mom was always home.  And sometimes I wish I could have given that to my kids, but it wasn’t in the cards for me.  I have worked their entire lives.

Post # 16
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@jb20:  This isn’t a traditional Christian value. This is a personal preference. I’m a traditional Christian and I earned two degrees and I have no problem working, having a nanny, or housekeeper, or staying home and raising my kids. It’s a matter of what works for you and your family. 

I guess because so many other people want something different for themselves, they lose focus on the fact that there are others out there who want something totally different.

I work with a person who was recently hired at my company and this is her first job, ever. She got married young and had two kids and stayed home until they went to school (until both kids were around 6 and older).

She thought that a woman who chose to work while having young children was a bad parent and a bad person. That perception changed once she started working with women who did just that. She was able to see that they aren’t bad people. It’s about what works for each person. It’s nothing more than that. Who cares what other people think. Do what works for you.

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