(Closed) Traditionally.. who pays what?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8104 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Chrysoberyl:  As far as I know, traditionally the groom’s family paid for the rehearsal and alcohol at the wedding. The bride’s family was on the hook for everything else.

Post # 5
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Here’s what we did:

Brides parents paid for entire wedding except:

Groom’s parents paid for rehearsal dinner and wedding flowers other than centerpieces

I think other traditional things groom’s family usually pay for are transportation and alcohol.  You can google it and get a list of the traditional things paid for by groom.

Post # 9
Member
8104 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Chrysoberyl:  Oh, I forgot: I usually only think of day-of costs as “wedding costs” so I don’t include rings (because you’ll have those forever) or honeymoon (because to me that’s an optional vacation that could be done later or even skipped). I see that a lot of people DO consider those as wedding costs, and traditionally the groom paid for the bride’s rings and either the groom or his family paid for the honeymoon. 

Post # 10
Member
2437 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Chrysoberyl:  martha stewart posted this on her wedding site

 

 

Traditional roles for bride & her family:

 

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/231227/who-traditionally-pays-what-wedding/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#128236

 

 

 

and

 

 

 

Tradional roles for the grooms & his family:

 

 

 

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/231227/who-traditionally-pays-what-wedding/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#140582

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think they were lying but I don’t know them of course. I think they were saying what their family traditionally pays for.  There are American traditions, but these vary widely based on geographic region and down to individual social groups/families.  Traditionally, I’d say brides parents pay for the wedding, but nowadays that has changed and lots of couples pay for their own wedding.  Most of my friends have paid for their own, but in my parents’ social group, it’s still traditional to pay for their daughters’ wedding.

I’d give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt! Most people aren’t wedding etiquette guru’s! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2437 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Chrysoberyl:  that whole slide show has more info on the roles of each side.

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Chrysoberyl:  I don’t think they are trying to take advantage of you. II think the one thing most people agree on is it used to be traditionally correct is that the brides family host and pays for the wedding. I think having the grooms family handle the rehearsal dinner is something that emerge later. Depending on who you ask you will  hear all types of variations on who pays what.It’s probably based on what they done in their family previously.

I think in this day and age esp with the raising cost of weddings people do wildly different things, couples pay alone, both set of parents pay 1/3 as do the couples. Family members or grandparents pay for a specific things and so many different variations.

I think going in expecting to pay for yourself is the right attitude to take. I think also it’s best to prepared to hear that you are getting nothing, getting a specific amount, or whatever. Then just let it go and don’t become resentful about it or hold against the in laws or parents. People have wildly different ideas on whether they should pay for their children weddings. Some people save for it, others feel like once you reach adulthood everything is your responsibility.

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