(Closed) Traditions that have seemed to change?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

-no money/dollar dance

-no garter or bouquet toss

-no bridal party dance

-my nana was HORRIFIED that I was wearing red shoes lol


(BTW I’m having a tiered wedding cake…just the top tier, but I love it!)

Post # 4
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Seriously, I don’t think any of these things are “traditions” per say. Your wedding is what you make of it – so there is no right answer. Something may be traditions in your family (that your family has always done), but that does not mean that you have to do it. 

It’s okay if what you want does not match with your elders – times have changed!

Post # 6
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My gram is paying for our cake (or thinks she is—in reality she’s probably paying for about a fifth of it, since she thinks cakes cost a couple hundred bucks!) and is really having issues with us not wanting the whole tiered wedding cake deal. And then I’m in turn having issues with disappointing her, so we’re really in limbo on this. She has come to terms with cupcakes as long as they look like a tiered cake. Fiance really wants tarte tatin, and she is aghast at that (or pie or any variation like that). And then at a tasting last week, we began to toy with the idea of a cake buffet as a more interesting/cheaper option, which I’m afraid to even float with her…we’ll see! On the one hand, if you’re 90 I think you get to call the shots. On the other hand, the bids for tiered cakes are in the $1K range where we live, which doesn’t even include the cost for the caterer to plate it. Augh.

Both sets of parents have been remarkably hands-off and generally kept to themselves whatever we’re doing that they think is nuts. Only issues have been rehearsal dinner (FI’s parents insisted on it; I like the idea, but Fiance thinks it’s ridiculous given that there’s no bridal party or rehearsal!) and flowers, which has yet to be resolved (we want to DIY, both sets of parents think we need to have a florist).

Overall we’ve been lucky to have pretty supportive families, though—good since we’re having a very outside-of-the-box wedding!

Post # 7
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Not having…

-a priest

-a church

-equal numbers of groomsmen and bridesmaids

-private ceremony with guests invited to join us for the reception at 6

The day of might bring more surprises:

-sitting with our parents and grandmothers in the middle of the room, no head table

-hopefully no clinking glasses

-no bouquet or garter toss

-groom is playing the processional at the ceremony

Post # 8
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve caved on a lot of mine, mostly because they seemed to be WAY more important to other people than they were to me:


– Renting a wedding dress

I figured I’m only going to wear it for one day, and buying one can be very expensive, might as well save some money and let someone else use it! My mom was horrified at the very thought, so she offered (read: told me there was no other option) to buy my dress for me. I’m still planning on donating it after.


– *Not* inviting my second-cousin twice removed because I’ve never met or spoken to them.

This one upset people. So now we’re pretty much doubling our original guest list. Ouch.


– “Modern” Photography

I showed my folks the website of the photographer we are looking at. They didn’t get it – where are the stiff photos of the family standing in a posed line all looking at the camera? The people in these photos actually look… like they are having fun? Wink Yeah, I am joking around! But we are looking at more “photojournalistic”, candid style photography and it is not something they are used to. Not budging on this one though! We can’t afford a videographer and want to remember the day as it really was, not so much posing for the camera.


– Not wearing a veil

Totally weirding out the older folks. I actually think this made my mom a little sad, but wearing one just made me feel not like myself at all. I am still waffling a little on this one because of that.


– DIYing invites and whatever else I can manage

Apparently you can pay people to do this stuff.

Post # 9
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My family has seen an interesting mix of weddings; one of my grandmothers wore a blue wedding dress and had drastically uneven wedding parties, my mom wore a short pink wedding dress the second time around, my aunt got engaged and married within two weeks in an outdoor ceremony at a manor house, and then there were more traditional shindigs (almost always church-to-reception-hall affairs). They’re most leery of mix-and-match bridesmaid dresses and an outdoor reception, but for practical reasons. They’re really fine with almost anything.

My maternal grandmother is amused by the idea that couples are expected to host a lavish affair. In her day, a reception consisted of a cake and punch reception in the church hall. Sounds good to me!

Post # 10
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

-No church

-Non-traditional music

-No veil

-Gold shoes

-My aunt and uncle are my “parents”

-No garter or bouquet toss

-DIY Invites


Post # 11
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have a bridesman

I hate traditional wedding cakes so we are doing something funky instead

My shoes are royal blue – absolutely NOT white

My family had no idea what save the dates were

Everything possible is DIY from all-things-paper to the centerpieces

Sweetheart table instead of head table

NO smashing cake in each other’s faces

Outside wedding – not in a church

No traditional veil (I think I’m actually going to wear a black birdcage veil because my hair is dark brown and I want something that blends in rather than stands out, but who knows I may go with a white one lol)

I let my BMs do what they want.  I don’t boss them around and make demands as to the dress, shoes, bridal shower, etc. like everyone else seems to think is acceptable.  I asked them to follow a few color guidelines for the dress and they picked one they all love.  They are also planning and helping with other stuff on their own.  I find that when you are actually nice to your BMs and don’t demand they help they actually offer to help.  Just some words of advice =)


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