(Closed) traditions that you think are bulls***

posted 7 years ago in Traditions
Post # 77
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@brooklyn_bee:  Amen. And taking the men to strip clubs? My SO HATES strip clubs. But the guys in his life said he has to go because it’s his bach party. Uh, no. You can do what you want. You don’t need to get drunk and forget your name and puke everywhere. 

Post # 78
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I hate the bouquet/garter toss! It’s like “hey all you single people, come on into the middle of the floor so we can watch you fight over a chance to one day be married like me!” It’s sooo stupid. I absolutely hated having to go up there when I was single – and even when I had been in a relationship for a few years my husband’s family still made me go up there and participate! I just stood at the back and didn’t bother trying to catch it. So embarrassing!

Post # 79
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

The garter toss.  For whatever reason my Fiance really wants to do the tradition, but I am so uncomfortable with him going up my dress in front of all our friends and family that he is meeting me halfway and let me choose how/when the garter will come off but we are still doing the toss. I have never seen the garter being placed on the other person, so we will not be doing that. I am not sure about doing the bouquet toss yet because there are so many that are no longer not married anymore, so it would be weird.

Asking the father’s permission. I told Fiance not to do that. And he didn’t. I’m glad he didn’t because it is so ridiculous and I am not as close to my family. Really.

We got the pamphlet thing in the mail from our (Catholic) Church we will be getting married in that outlines a whole bunch of different things, including the father giving the bride away. According to the booklet that is not done (in fact it states that the bride is not property), but the father can walk her down the aisle.

The idea that the same gender needs to be on the bride’s side, and the same gender needs to be on the groom’s side. So silly.

I also agree about the no expectation for the wedding party except to show up on the wedding day. I would not expect them to do a million things, but you know if we are looking at dresses I hope that they can at least be supportive enough to go to that. And be there emotionally for me (you know, being a friend – yes, there is such a thing as talking about your wedding too much but it is also stressful – I should be able to talk about my wedding every so often if these people were close enough to me that I asked them to be in the wedding).

I have to say that some traditions you do for your parents or others. There is nothing wrong with doing that, as long as you are not uncomfortable with it. I mean, that’s all traditions really are – things that you do because it’s become part of your culture.

Post # 80
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

1. bridesmaids have to be in long dresses.

2. you have to wear ivory/white shoes.

3. garters.

4. formal invites (unless its a very formal wedding)

5. the order you sit at on the top table. 

6. men have to wear morning/tail suits.

7. having a hen night. 

8. asking the fathers permission.

9. matchy-matchy colour schemes/themes.

10. chair covers.

Post # 81
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Bachelor/ette parties. Sorry, the period directly before our wedding neither I nor my DH was single. In fact we hadn’t been single for 12 years. If you need to celebrate your last days of ‘freedom’ then you probably shouldn’t be getting married.

Garter & bouquet toss. So awkward.

Asking father’s or family’s permission to marry their daughter. If my DH had asked my father’s permission it would just tell me that he didn’t know me at all.

Post # 82
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@greenidlady:  +1 to the “something old something new” Is really wearing all that crap going to make my marriage last longer? My mother didn’t wear all that and the rest of my family that just jumped up and got married at the courthouse didn’t wear all that and they all have been married almost 30 years! I skipped it. I didn’t have something old or borrowed in the first place because like I said everyone else got married in the courthouse and my mother is not sentimental enough to keep anything.

 

Post # 83
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@bebero:  +1 to this too! Did he ask your father permission to date? Or what about getting pregnant or moving in together? We’re ADULTS!

Post # 84
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I absolutely HATE the assumption that my Fiance and I are DOOMED if we see each other before the wedding….or GASP….stay together the night before….ummm HELLO we have lived together for almost 6 years slept in the same bed almost every night for the last 5 years….I am NOT giving the comfort of having him beside me before our wedding…..

I also hate hate hate the garter toss! dunno why just irks the heck out of me….my Fiance will not be going up my dress infront of family and friends….

Plus i agree that the all the “you have to do this or your marriage wont last” reffering to the you must have old, new, borrowed blue and sixpence in the shoe….. stuff is bull……although technically i will have blue in my e-ring, and thats about it….half of our family eloped….and didnt have all that and have been happily married for many years….my grandparents were married for 66 years before they passed….and my grandma wore her sunday dress and got married at the courthouse….no special traditions and what not….

Post # 85
Member
311 posts
Helper bee

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@PatientBee:  totally agree. I have never liked cake, we’re actually getting a chocolate sculpture in lieu.  

Post # 86
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Most traditions we are doing for the fun of it.  It just seems nice to do some of the same things that our parents did at their wedding. However I think the unity candle thing is so stupid. I don’t really have a good reason why I just have always thought it was silly that couples had it as a symbol of their union when they just exchanged rings as a symbol of their union. That and I’ve always feared the bride catching her veil on fire (I’ve seen some close calls!) 

Post # 87
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

Like PPs, I hate the whole idea of wedding showers and also engagement parties. Personally, I don’t feel like my future wedding guests should feel obligated to bring us gifts. Wedding showers and engagement parties to me seem like more parties that people usually end up bringing gifts to. In my opinion, you get the one day to celebrate with and receive gifts from family and friends. 

I have a love/hate relationship with almost everything wedding though. On the one hand, I think they are very nice to attend and it’s very sweet to be part of that day, but on the other hand I don’t want to have the attention on me for an entire day. Plus everything and anything wedding is expensive!

Post # 88
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@bebero:  

UGHH traditions I hate:

receiving lines!! They’re so awkward! I seriously hope that nobody tries to just line up and start that shit after my ceremony. 

first dances annoy me, but we’re going to do one anyway. I’m definitely going to try to cut that shit down to like a minute though! nobody wants to see me swaying back and forth for 5 minutes.

Also, the “gift opening” the next day. I know not everybody does this anymore but it’s still out there! I really don’t to open gifts while my family and friends watch me, and I dont want to watch other people open gifts either! For some reason I even feel awkward at kids birthday parties during this part. It’s awesome to see when they get stoked on a present, but it can be kind of uncomfortable when they open something and just toss it aside because they don’t actually like it and just want to get to the next gift and you look at the person that gave it to them and they’re trying not to look embarassed… not that brides are like kids ever 😉

Post # 89
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@bebero:  I hate that the bride’s family is expected to pay for the wedding. 

I also find the garter toss rather vulgar and don’t really get the point of bridal showers.

I generally think there are a few too many bride and baby related events people plan.

Post # 90
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

SO many wedding traditions come across as gross or self-serving. I can’t wait to NOT do the following things:

 

– Register for gifts. I know a lot of people do this for their guests’ convenience, and I respect their decision. However, I think this custom comes across as a bit grabby and is outdated to boot. In the past, it made sense for brides and grooms to receive a lot of household items as gifts, since most women lived with their families until the moment they married and moved in with their husbands, and did not have the benefit of an earned income to outfit their new homes, as for a long period of history women couldn’t earn wages. Nowadays, however, most people do not get married at 18. I am 31 years old, and a gift registry for a wedding simply doesn’t make sense to someone in my position. Are my friends and family members supposed to believe that I have been living on my own for 10+ years without silverware, plates and towels, and only now that I am getting married do I deserve to be gifted these household necessities?

– Garter toss. One word: gross.

– Bridal party. Some people find it fun, but I would feel uncomfortable setting myself up as the princessy centerpiece in a fantasy tableau of ladies in costumes I chose. Weird! Pass!

– Father walking bride down the aisle. Let’s face it, it’s sexist. Why does the woman need to be “given away” while the groom stands in waiting, of his own choice and power? Again, as a 31 year old who has been supporting myself since college, my father will be “giving away” nothing he has owned or supported in more than 10 years when I get married. He is simply gaining a son-in-law. Since no one wants to trample on the feelings of their parents, however, I think this tradition is fine as long as the groom’s father or mother also walks with him down the aisle. So it’s more of a “each family relinquishing one member so they can join into a new family” vibe, and less a “one man passes his property to another man” vibe.

– All traditions that have become ridiculously bloated by the money-hungry wedding industrial complex: cakes that cost hundreds of dollars, bouquets that cost hundreds of dollars, dresses that cost thousands of dollars (you can only wear it once! If I ever spend $1000+ on a dress it will be a sexy lil black Alexander McQueen, or something awesome I can WEAR MORE THAN ONCE), up-dos that cost $40 but you’re charged $200 because IT’S A WEDDING AND WE CAN!

 

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