(Closed) transgender family member

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If she is now a “she”, then she is your aunt and should be introduced as such.  It’ll make everything easier and I think it’s the most respectful way, too.

Post # 4
2633 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the pp.  Your aunts backstory isn’t really any of their business.

Post # 5
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

O brother.. or sister.. haha.. sorry bad joke. Anyway, is there a need to introduce? If it were me I would just try to avoid it all together. You’ll be mingling and stuff but on that day I wouldn’t feel the need to introduce people unless they were at the same table and didn’t know each other.

Post # 6
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

She wants to be introduced as your aunt, you introduce her as your aunt. The back story is nobody else’s business. 

Post # 7
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

I agree with the PP.  She is now your aunt, and no explanation to FI’s family is required!

Post # 8
34 posts
  • Wedding: November 2009

it’s not a problem unless other people make it an issue. it’s a wedding and people should be on their best behavior. i doubt it will even come up. if your family member now identifies herself as a woman than you should address her as such.

Post # 10
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I doubt anybody will question your aunt, anyways.

By The Way, i have a calculus teacher of mine from 4 years ago who used to be in the army! Has 4 young boys, a wife, and now wears sweaters and pink clothes and dresses to work. Unfortunately the voice is a dead giveaway and I don’t know if my teacher is taking hormones or not, but she looks VERY much like a he still! There was some gossip but I think eveyone’s over it basically.

For lack of being insensitive, somebody like my prof would stand out and raise questions. But if your aunt has had all the surgeries, no way will anybody even question it. Introduce her as “she” as it is respectful, if introductions even come up at all.

I can imagine it’s a unique situation knowing someone as they once were, but she is who she is now and I’m sure she’d appreciate your…tact (?) regarding the matter? Maybe tact is the wrong wrod. Perhaps sensitivity is. As in, don’t draw attention to it if she doesn’t want it there.

Post # 12
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would honestly just ask your aunt how she would like to be introduced and call it a day. Just be respectful of her wishes and what makes her comfortable. She may not even want to be introduced, you know?

I can imagine this is hard on you. Having known someone for so long and then to completely do a 180 like that must be emotional tiring at points. But kudos to you for being accepting and supportive.

Post # 14
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think the more embracing everyone is of your ‘aunt’, the easier it will be for your father.  It would be disrespectful and just plain odd to call your aunt your uncle (even though that’s who she was).  Your father will likely always have a difficult time with it, just in the way it’s a bit strange to you (as you’ve always known him as your uncle).

I think you should just let the chips fall as they may and try your best not to worry about it.  People will have their own reactions and your father is willing to accept the social challenges of being with his new sister, since he’s ok with her being there.  

There’s bound to be some awkward moments between those who know – and imagine how your aunt must be feeling!!! – but anyone who doesn’t know the back story doesn’t need to be informed of such and the more ‘normal’ you try to make things (ie: introducing her as your aunt) the better the transition will be over time.

Post # 15
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think you shouldn’t worry too much about your cousin & aunts relationship. If you haven’t heard otherwise, I’d assume they’re okay and/or working it out.

Are you going to be personally introducing all your family members to his family? I think she’ll introduce herself as “Kittyachi’s Aunt” so if you were to refer to her as your uncle it would require some explaining.

Post # 16
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh i see what you are saying. HOpefully your family just keeps their damn traps shut! It’s rude to gossip

Have you emailed her? If you are close like that–you could ask her if she’s concerned. I”m sure she’s met lots of adversion and will probably tell you not to worry. Tell your dad you’re just concerned he’ll give it away and maybe he’ll just act cool. In the long run, she is sitll his sibling and while he may not agree/approve, i doubt he’ll throw her under a bus.

There may be a few rude people, but mostly, it sounds like people will be accepting and not care. That quells gossip quickly

Plus, who’s gonna gossip when they’re there for YOUR wedding? HOpefully the topic is about you and your Fi and how pretty blah blah blh

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