Post # 1
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
My fiance and I are in the middle of a year apart while I complete an internship for grad school. So far we’ve done 7 months and have 5 more to go. We’ve been making the best of it–luckily he has a flexible job so he’s able to come visit every 2-3 weeks, although usually it’s just for the weekend (Friday evening until midday Sunday).
For the most part, I do fine without him. I have spent the majority of my adult life living alone and so I’m pretty independent. I’m also busy with working full time, finishing up my dissertation so I can graduate, and I go to a knitting group regularly.
The problem – and I am venting a little here – is that I have such a difficult time when he leaves. I cry my eyes out every single time. I know in my head that once he’s been gone for a few hours I adjust back to my routine just fine, and that I’ll be okay. It’s the actual process of saying goodbye and him walking out the door that’s heart wrenching. And because we do it so frequently, it feels like it’s getting harder and and not easier. A solution would probably for him to visit less, but I don’t want that!
Post # 2
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
I think it’s fine and normal….
My hubby and I spent a year apart when he was still in college, and I was working full time. I saw him at least every month. I had a demanding career, joined different groups, etc. I enjoyed my alone time. But I’d be sad, cranky, and miserable when he left. Just like you, I’d be fine and back into my routine again with no problem.
Same thing happened when he got a job at a man-camp, where he would be gone for 28 days in a row. I’d be fine without him home, but back to the same sad, cranky, and miserable time whenever he left.
Part of what helped me was that we had scheduled phone calls as well, and each visit were planned well in advance so I had something to look forward to.
In my opinion, the sad moments are just a tiny blip in time when he visited, and were worth the good times during his visits.
It’ll get better, I promise!
Post # 3
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
steny03 : Thanks! I appreciate the support. We do already have two trips booked for March and one for April, so I know exactly when I’ll see him again, haha.
I guess part of me thought that after we passed the halfway point it would get easier. But in reality, it just feels like we’ve been doing it for so long and yet there are still so many more months left! Luckily I am enjoying my internship so it’s not all bad.
Post # 4
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
Reaching the halfway point does make it easier… Although I think it will probably start to feel like more of a “countdown” at the 3 month mark. My SO and I used to be long distance (I was in California, he was in Europe) and we would only see each other approx. every 3 months. I totally get that the movement he leaves is the most difficult part! But like you said, you grow accustomed to the new “norm” again. Like steny03 said, scheduling phone calls made it easier. Just hearing the other person’s voice can create a sense of comfort that they’re close even though they’re physically farther away. Keep busy with the internship, watch your favorite comedy series (or whatever floats your boat) and go out and do things. And remember… you’re already more than half way there!!
Post # 5
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
jbear310 :
Thank you!! I have two more months before the 3-month mark, haha.
I can’t imagine the CA to Euope difference, that must have been so hard! Currently, I am in the Midwest and he is on the West Coast, but last week he was in England. The six hour time difference made communicating so much trickier – just as I was getting off work he was ready to go to bed. Usually we just text in the evenings, so not like I was missing phone calls or anything, but without those messages, things felt so much more lonely. I’m happy that this week we’re back to only two hours difference. In comparison, we’re practically in the same time zone now! How did you make 8(?) hours work?
I agree with you and the PP that scheduling a phone call for either right when he gets back or the next day would probably help. We don’t actually talk on the phone much so that would be something to look forward to.
Post # 6
Member
38 posts
Newbee
Totally agree!! Me and my now husband have been long distance for 2.5 years! We have 4 more months to go and I couldn’t be more excited. I also generally am ok during the week but like you, when he leaves or I leave on Sunday evenings it feels so terrible! Having an end date in sight and being able to count down towards it is the biggest thing for us. Despite how tough it has been, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. For us, it made sense for each of us to chase our careers at this point and I’m glad that neither of us had to sacrifice any opportunities. Hang in there!! Hope your last 5 months fly by 🙂