(Closed) Transphobic guest and transsexual guest

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
747 posts
Busy bee

@carrotstick:  well…I mean what exactly do you think you would do?  How awkward.  I would just let it be.  I’m sure Michelle doesn’t “need” you to stick up for her or give other people a heads-up or something…one would hope Jack would just keep his mouth shut out of politeness..

i think if it were me I’d just invite them both and hope they don’t meet, but then I hate confrontation of any sort.  :/  Even if there aren’t that many people I doubt Jack would even want to socialize with Michelle at all, given his apparently shitty attitude towards trans people.  

Post # 4
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@carrotstick:  Ooooohh

You need to talk to him. I mean honestly confront him again and tell him that was rude and that he better not say anything to you friend or snicker about her at the wedding because you will thrust your ring finger into his eyeball


just my first reaction. But for real you need to tell him

Post # 5
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would talk to the transphobic friend beforehand and let them know that comments/judement won’t be ok, honestly. I think it’s really important to let our friends know when they are being bigoted and stepping over lines, which he clearly is. If I had to choose between a family friend of 20 years and a bigoted friend, that choice is pretty obvious. I think the only way to prevent him making comments is to give him a heads up and specifically request he keep his opinions to himself, especially on your big day.

Post # 6
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Making fun of a stranger behind their back is very different from actually going up to someone AT A WEDDING and saying something awful to their face (thereby causing a scene). Not that Jack wasn’t wrong to make fun of the person at your work, but I really wouldn’t assume from that incident that he’s going to cause trouble at your wedding. That’s quite a jump, know what I mean? It’s not your job to “correct” his attitude, so I wouldn’t really worry about it. I’m sure nothing bad will happen, and he’ll probably feel like a real foot-in-mouth idiot when he realizes that you are friends with a transsexual, given that he said those things earlier!

Post # 7
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Unfortunately, a lot of people are transphobic, so I assume Michelle will be able to handle herself if Jack says anything directly to her or where she can hear. I don’t think you need to tell either of them that the other will be there because they are both adults and hopefully Jack will just keep any thoughts to himself.

However, if Jack makes another transphobic comment while around you I think you should call him out on it.

Post # 8
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@crayfish:  @iarebridezilla:  I agree with both of you for different reasons. 

I’m sure he wouldn’t have said those rude things about someone that he knew was your friend, and I highly doubt that any sort of rudeness will happen at your wedding. However, it’s possible that Jack is immature and thinks it’s funny to make nasty comments like that because he’s heard others make jokes about it, and no one has ever called him out on being rude. So if I were you, I would say something to him about those statements being unacceptable and upsetting, but only to educate him in general about being less thoughtless and judgemental. 

Post # 9
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Leave it be. He didn’t freak out in the woman’s face at work, and I doubt he will make any noticeable comments at your wedding.

Post # 11
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@carrotstick:  Well you can do one of two things, the way I see it. Call him ahead of time to let him know the deal, and that you won’t accept any offensive behavior towards your friend, thereby giving him the chance to get all of the immature comments out of his system or not attend. Or you could wait until the wedding to see if he does say anything then call him out on it in front of everyone. A public shaming may just make him change his ways – I’ve seen it before.

Post # 12
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@carrotstick:  Your description of him is much worse than I imagined from your original post. In that case, why are you friends with him? I would cut him loose, but I have very little patience for people who waste my time and energy on rudeness and childish behavior. 

Post # 13
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@carrotstick:  I have lots of people who won’t get on coming to my wedding. The combo which springs to mind is Dawkinsian atheist + high church Catholic. But you know, these people share their opinions with me because they trust me, just like your friends trust you. They wouldn’t necessarily fight in public, as PP have said.

Solutions: – Ply them with food and drink.

– Don’t sit them on the same table.

Post # 14
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@carrotstick:  saying something behind her back is different than saying something to someone’s face.  There’s nothing in your OP that makes me think Jack will confront Michelle.  And, sadly, Michelle is probably used to people looking at her funny or saying mean things 🙁  I’m sure she’s learned ways to function/cope through the discrimination.

Post # 16
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@carrotstick:  From my experience men are nicer to women to men trans. Anywho, just chat with him nicely about it.

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