(Closed) Trash the Dress…..Help Needed

posted 7 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 17
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@PatrickNoble: 

Hi Pat, 

The previous posters have given you some great advice. I love that the reason you want to do this is that you think she looked stunning it – your heart is definitely in the right place. I would suggest approaching it from a totally non-confrontational view. Something like:

“Hey [babe/sweetie/name], remember when our photographer talked about trash the dress sessions? I thought that was such a great idea but I know you don’t want to damage your dress, so what about something just kind of like that? We could be very careful with it. You just looked so gorgeous in your dress and I’d love to have more pictures of you in it.”

And you could show her pictures of brides rocking it in their dresses in some amazing settings – a field, an abandoned building, things like that. You might also show her testimonials from other brides who were able to get the dress cleaned afterward and there was no trace of dirt or stain. 

But if she’s absolutely opposed to it – rather than just reluctant – I would say don’t force the issue. 

 

Post # 18
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

“Sounds like she has a bit of class which used to be seen as a good thing.”

Ouch.. I didnt realize doing a glam shoot or a trash the dress style shoot was not “classy”.. What is not classy is a comment like that, but hey to each their own..

Post # 19
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

He asked for an opinion and I gave it. I don’t think he should push the issue. [content moderated for snark, criticizing someone’s wedding choice] Of course, people can do as they please, EACH TO THEIR OWN, but don’t expect other people not to have an opinion about it. Especially when it is an advice forum online. 

Post # 20
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@yog87:  It’s fine to be critical of other people’s choices, but your choice of words was extremely rude and unnecessarily harsh. I’ve flagged your post and the mods may or may not agree, but regardless, you’re one showing your true colors here. 

Post # 21
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve actually read before that the dress is already trashed by the end of thewedding night, with the hem being torn and dirty and that the TTD (trash the dress) shoot, especially the ones in the water do NOT ruin the dress any more than it already was and it even dries cleaner than when started.

You should check out bestdestinationweddings.com or something like that (google it if it doesn’t work) because there is a destination wedding forum and they have tons and tons of brides that do the trash the dress shoot (it’s way more popular on destination wedding sites) and see the type of positive feedback.  I’ve never read anything from a bride that said it wasn’t a great thing that she did – it was wonderful, fun and a great bonding experience with her husband.

However, you can also consider a day-after shoot.  You don’t necessarily trash the dress like you would by jumping into the beach/water or something like that, but you do go in odd places that you normally wouldn’t for your wedding shoot. 

Post # 22
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t trash my dress – I love it too much!

Post # 23
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

i don’t know what reaction you’re looking for by telling my I you’ve flagged me! I’m perfectly happy with my colours, my life choices and the good I try to do for others. 

 

Stephen Fry has a great quote for the easily offended.

Post # 24
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

One photographer we’re considering does a bridal shoot after the wedding. It’s not a trash the dress but more just some gorgeous photos in off beat locations with the dress as the main focus. Like an editorial fashion shoot. The brides often have pretty crazy hair and makeup, totally different than what you would do on your wedding day. Could you maybe do something like that?

I wouldn’t want to do a trash the dress session either personally, but that’s just me…

Post # 25
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Some of the pictures we did before the wedding would be considered TTD pictures (on rocks, in red dust) and the dress was perfectly fine for the wedding.  Trash the dress pictures do not equal a ruined burned up dress.  I have only seem 2 shoots where the dress is truly destroyed.

Post # 26
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@yog87:  I’ve read Mr. Fry’s quote, thanks. I wouldn’t consider myself easily offended at all, as a matter of fact. 

I wasn’t looking for any reaction really… Just offering advice that your attitude/word choices only reflect on you, not the people you’re criticizing.

Now I’m bowing out of this thread, as gracefully as possible. 😉

Post # 27
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

Im sorry youre so offended, genuinely, and thank you for the advice but I always choose my words carefully and I mean what I say. That along with not being insecure means I am more than comfortable voicing a strong opinion without fear of how others may or may not judge me. If my post is deemed too offensive to adults, I’m happy to see it get taken down. Proves a point at the very least! 

Post # 28
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@yog87:  I actually thought you were being really rude, too.  A lot of good you do, talking down to other people.  There are nice ways to express your opinions and disagreements without being so nasty about it. 

Post # 29
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

I was harsh, yes.

Post # 30
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

A photo shoot and a wedding dress are not the symbol of marriage. The love you two share is. IMO. I just don’t understand how a photo shoot in your dress has anything to do with your marriage or love. The dress is just a “thing” and so are the photos, its not your love or the vows you made its something fun to do for some.. . As fabulous and expensive a dress can be its still just a “thing”. You are not classless for wanting to do something fun in your dress besides the wedding day. I certainly understand someone not wanting to do a shoot but you’re certainly not “unclassy” if you do one. Sheesh.

Post # 31
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@yog87:  It’s funny that you asked that, I got a message as soon as I posted from a user looking to buy dresses once they’re trashed and she restores them and gives them to deserving brides. It’s something I may be considering, but I have a year to decide. I’m getting a replica dress, so it will be cheaply made, and custom to my measurements (short bride!). I don’t exactly have the highest budget and if I were to donate it I would probably find a recipient myself (military wives, people with sick parents who don’t have time to find something) since I’ve known a lot of people who have lied to get funding/charity and I wouldn’t want to support that. We’ve had a bankruptcy, job losses right before a baby, been on social assistance, and we’ve still managed to make things work, even if it’s meant putting back our wedding a year.  I get that there are very deserving people out there, but there are also a lot of people that use the system and I would be very frustrated to give the dress I worked hard to pay for and see them go all out on everything else for the wedding because they saved money. 

The pictures that I could get with a trash the dress shoot will be more up my alley than the staged family pictures and fashion shots anyways.  I think it would be amazing to get down and dirty and do something completely fun and original that showcases my Fiance and I- as well as improve my photographer’s portfolio (who is my uncle). I might even find something crafty to do with my dress (turn it into something for my daughter maybe?). I could get it drycleaned when I’m done with it and sell it, donate it, or keep it. There are a lot of options out there, in reality, a dress is just something that you pay X amount of dollars for wearing once or twice, and works like every other purchase in the sense that you have to decide what you’ll be doing with it after, how much it means to you, what your values are, etc. 

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