travel before kids

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

If your fiancé doesn’t necessarily have the ‘traveling bug’ then I think you should try a week long trip and see how it goes. He may like it, he may not.

It kind of sounds like you’re trying to rewrite your travel memories with your ex and overlay them with memories with your fiancé. I’d be careful about that aspect. 

Post # 17
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I am of the mindset that if you value travelling then you will make the effort when you have kids. 

We already have 2 trips planned for after our LO gets here and have 8 countries planned for 2020. We highly value travel though and it is a priority to us. I have already been to 6 countries in 2019. 

Post # 18
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

First of all, regarding your questions about whether traveling before kids is important or a necessary relationship step, I’d say it depends on your personalities and priorities. I know people who are just not that interested in travel; they are content with just an occasional trip, or never traveling outside the country. Many of them have partners who feel the same. So for people like that, no, I don’t think it’s that important.

But personally, I’m coming at this from the perspective of someone who is fairly well-traveled. I’ve been to 30-ish countries, most with my family, and have been to plenty of places within my home country (United States) as well, so travel has been a big part of my life and it’s something that I’m interested in continuing throughout my life. Having a partner who enjoys traveling with me is important to me. It sounds like you are the same way. 

It seems to be common advice to get your traveling done before you “settle down” and have kids, but I don’t think that has to be true. As someone who got to do a lot of traveling as a kid, I’m so grateful for those experiences, and I think it’s great to be able to give that to your kids if you’re able to afford it.

My parents took my siblings and I on plenty of domestic trips within the US, both by plane and by car, from the time we were babies. Our first international trip was when they took us around Germany, Austria, and Hungary to visit relatives when I was 9 and my siblings were 7 and 5. And my parents still took trips just the two of them after we were in the picture; we are lucky that we have grandparents who loved having us at their house for a few days to a week so that my parents could take an occasional trip by themselves. 

Having kids does not have to quash your travel plans if you don’t want it to. And if you want to get started now before you have kids, then maybe you can find ways to accomodate your pet in order for that to happen. I personally have no experience with this, but pp have given some good suggestions. Good luck and happy travels!

Post # 19
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee

While I think it’s rather unusual that you haven’t made any overnight trips together in the course of your relationship, I don’t think traveling together is important for “relationship growth.” It’s just something that has tended to come up in my long term relationships, even if largely for non-romantic stuff like visiting family in other states. 

I’ve been on a handful of international & out of state vacations with my husband (and many more out of state family visits, which count as travel together but certainly aren’t “vacations” as far as I’m concerned). While I’m glad we’ve shared those experiences, they in no way changed our relationship. 

We’re a few years younger than you and thinking about TTC in the next year. If we squeeze in another trip before then, great. But hitting our next savings goal is a much bigger priority to me. That said, I’m in the privileged position of having been able to travel a good amount in my early 20s, so I personally don’t feel like I’m missing out if I don’t travel more before having kids. I could see wanting to travel before having kids if you haven’t had the opportunity in general and want to have that last hurrah. 

Post # 20
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I would at least do an overnight trip for one or two nights before having kids, even if it’s somewhere only an hour away from your home. Traveling is important to my fiance and I and we love reminiscing about the times spent on our trips. Traveling isn’t a priority for some people, but it sounds like you want to travel, or else you wouldn’t be asking this question. I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary for relationship growth, but I can’t imagine not having the shared experiences of our trips together. You also do learn if you travel well together or not, or have similar ideas of what you want a vacation to entail. You mentioned that the dog is 13 but is healthy, so if traveling is important to you, you’ll find a trusted friend or sitter to take care of him/her for a couple of days rather than waiting until he/she died (which could still be a couple of years from now, as you mentioned) to travel anywhere. You just have to figure out what your priority is.

Post # 21
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Honestly, I don’t think traveling before children is important at all. I know plenty of people that love to travel that continue to travel once they have children (sometimes bringing the kids, sometimes the kids stay with a grandparent). I also know plenty of people that had children young, put money into a retirement fund each month over the years and do a TON of traveling now that their kids are grown.  I actually think it builds your relationship more if you travel AFTER children. It’s important to have things to look forward to as a couple, especially when your children are grown and your “nest is empty” you’ll want to do things together to enjoy yourselves. 

Post # 22
Member
1677 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Travelling is something that’s really important to us.

Just because you have kids, doesn’t mean you stay home.

My friend loves travel. Always has. She travelled 13 hours when her baby was 5 months old to canada. Then at 8 months, they did a 6 week Europe trip – 24 hour flight. They also do frequent 3 hour flights back to her home country.  Soon her girl will be 21 months and she has another Europe trip.

Im 33 and still haven’t seen Europe.  I dream of Paris and i have such itchy feet. However i know we have to have kids soon. Probably just travel with kids 

Post # 23
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

To echo the others, it’s really just about priorities. Travel is moderately important to Fiance and I. We like to travel, but thus far have been pretty limited to the States…we do a few trips a year (4-6 days) to his family’s cabin, and then try to do one long weekend trip per year to somewhere cool (Savannah, DC, Atlanta, New Orleans, Nashville, etc.). Beyond that, we both travel 1-2x a year for work, so we’re independently seeing places too. 

That being said, the reality that we can’t really wait forever to have kids has shifted our priorities a bit. We purposely picked a honeymoon (Paris) that is something we want to do pre-kids, because kids would hamper the ability to eat cheese and drink wine for a week while touring museums, whereas an all-inclusive trip to Hawaii or Aruba is much more kid-friendly. I do think that if we weren’t able to take at least one big trip together pre-kid, I’d feel like we’d missed out on something.  

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