Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids lives across the country, and she will be flying in for the wedding. We were trying to figure out plane tickets the other day, and she told me that the ONLY day she could fly out for the wedding would be 2 days prior to the wedding because it’s the cheapest. I explained to her that I would need her there for some events like the rehearsal dinner and bachelorette party, not to mention to set up for the wedding. I really would prefer if she came a few days earlier.
She then asked if she could bring a guest. “Definitely!” I said, assuming she was talking about her boyfriend. She then told me she wanted to bring her other friend who lives in the same state as me, so she wanted a flight that would connect in the city where her friend lives and then fly to my city. Apparantly, that flight is only once a week, 2 days before my wedding. She will be staying with me, so her friend will be staying with me also.
I’m trying not to be a bridezilla about this, but I thought it would be great to spend time with my friend and to have more than 2 days before the wedding to do it. I had hoped she would use that time to spend with me, not to spend it with other friends in the same state.
Am I wrong to ask that she come earlier? How much earlier is acceptable? Should I still allow her to bring her friend?
Post # 3
You’re both being a bit wrong. She’s wrong to invite her friend to your house, but you’re also wrong to drag her to town early. 2 days before the wedding is fine. If she misses the party, it’s her loss, but it’s also not a requirement that she attend. You can’t dictate her travel plans any more than she can dictate your party schedule.
step back, and let her make her travel arrangements on her own. She’s a big girl. I’d allow her to bring a friend but ask her to stay in a hotel if she does bring a friend, as it would be awkward and weird to have a stranger in the middle of your wedding preps.
Post # 4
Are you willing to cover the difference in the cost of the plane ticket?
Post # 5
Yah, I told her I would cover the difference in the plane ticket, but she wanted to fly on that day anyway. I would love to just say “her loss” on all the pre-wedding stuff, but I’ve only got 2 bridesmaids, and I didn’t choose her to be a bridesmaid as an accessory to my wedding, I chose her because I thought she was a good friend and I wanted her with me up there. I am honestly a tad hurt that it’s not good enough for her to come spend time with me, but she has to bring other friends…
Post # 6
I’ve traveled for every wedding I’ve been in (3 in counting, plus one coming up) and I’ve never showed up more than 2 days before the wedding! It’s expensive to fly out for a wedding, especially in addition to all the other costs a bridesmaid incurs. I would be grateful that she is coming out in advance.
Also, isn’t the rehearsal dinner usually the night before the wedding? How would she be missing that if she comes in two days early?
On another note, if the wedding date on your profile is correct, I can totally understand where your bridesmaid is coming from. Flying the week between Christmas and New Year’s is insanely expensive, and I think you should have anticipated that when choosing your wedding date. What’s done is done, but unless you can split the cost of the ticket as a previous poster has suggested, you are definitely wrong to ask her to come earlier. Plus, it’s not just the cost of the ticket, but missing days at work that adds to the expense of coming earlier.
That being said, I do think it’s wrong your Bridesmaid or Best Man wants her friend to stay with you. I assume you are giving her a plus one, so I can understand wanting a guest at the wedding, but I wouldn’t assume they could stay at your place for free.
Post # 7
Well, bridesmaids ARE accessories to your wedding. My Maid/Matron of Honor is flying out 2 days before the wedding and I’m grateful she’s willing to take off of work to do THAT much. Leave it alone. Be happy that she’s willing to make that much of a sacrifice for you.
Post # 8
Sigh, I guess it depends on the situation… We are having a DIY wedding at a ranch so there’s tons of setup, the rehearsal dinner IS the night before, but the bachelorette party was held off so that she would be able to make it. I also saved her the expenses by pre-paying for hair and makeup, and I paid for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress too. I kinda feel like I’m doing everything here and not getting anything back.
Post # 9
oh, and the profile date is wrong. The date is in July.
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s fair to tell a bridesmaid when her flight should arrive, as long as she’s there with ample time for the wedding. She is coming in from across the country, and has her own life to contend with. On the other hand, bringing her friend to the wedding is strange and a bit rude.
Personally, I think you’re both in the wrong here. It’s not really your BMs job to decorate your venue for a DIY event that you (not her) opted to do, but she should be making more of an effort for your wedding.
Post # 11
I don’t think you can tell her when she needs to get to your wedding. The rehearsal dinner will be the night before you’re wedding, right? So that shouldn’t be a problem. If she can’t make it to the bachlorette party, that stinks but you’ll have other friends around you. I do think its wrong for her to invite a friend that she’s not dating though.
If it makes you feel any better, my Maid/Matron of Honor won’t be at my rehearsal dinner or my bachlorette party. She is in school in the Caribbean and her flight gets in a few minutes short of midnight the night before my wedding. But, its important to me that she’s there on my wedding day and that’s what her school/flight schedule allows, so we make do.
Post # 12
I would feel disappointed too! Not so much that she can’t show up until 2 days before (which sometimes you have to expect if people have to travel a long way) but that it seems likes she’s making catching up with her other friend a priority. It should be all about you! And I agree no way her friend should stay with you… How awkward having a stranger around in the lead up to the wedding…
It’s a tough situation… Maybe don’t make any demands on her but let her know how you feel and let her draw her own conclusions from that… And say no to the friend staying with you!
Post # 13
This is your wedding, not hers. It is a lot to ask someone to show up on your schedule if they are coming from across the country. As long as she’s there for the rehearsal and the wedding, try to accept it. Hopefully you have family that can help with the set up and other wedding stuff in the days before.
As for her desire to bring a guest, be honest. It will be a stressful time and a stranger house guest just doesn’t fit into the picture. I can’t believe she would even ask??