(Closed) “trial period” update

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, he’s being really confusing.  I think your plan to give him some space is definitely the way to go, but I know it must be incredibly hard, especially when living together.  Good luck, hang in there, and feel free to vent any time! 

Post # 6
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I think someone said in your last thread that you should try to go stay with friends or family for a few days – I think they’re right.  You’re going to drive yourself crazy.  He is being super confusing and I feel frustrated even reading it so I can’t imagine how stressed you are.  Look at it this way, at least he isn’t giving up on it completely, but you really do need to leave for a few days before the stress gets to you.

Post # 7
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hes still there. He still sent out the save the dates. he still updated the website. The wedding hasnt been called off. Let it be. Let him cool off. I think its a good thing youre doing things like the laundry and leaving food in the fridge.

If he said hes not walking away- hes not.  It wont last 6 weeks.  Why would it. Thats a ong time for anyone no matter how angry.  If he knew he didnt want to be with you he wouldnt be going through with any of this.

I still dont think youve said exactly whats going on between you two, and maybe you should. We can all probably give you better advice if we had a better image of the situation.

Itll get better, Im sure.  Just go easy on both of you.

Post # 8
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I have to agree with the maybe stay with friends/family for a couple of days. Living together im sure makes everything even more difficult. Like I said in the last thread.. focus on yourself for awhile.. it’ll do you good!

Post # 10
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

How long have you known each other? I see you’ve only been engaged since Oct. with the wedding in July. Is there a reason you’re having it so soon? Considering all that you’ve said in these posts, is there a reason you can’t postpone your wedding and have a longer engagement? Maybe its simply that everything is happening too quickly for both of you, and the arguing and talk of breaking up and this new distance is merely all of both of your insecurities surfacing before you’ve really taken the time to get to know each other better. Having cold feet is one thing (and happens to lots of people!), but being indifferent, arguing/blowing up, trying to change each other’s reactions to certain situations all seem way more serious than just temporary. How will any of that change in just 6 weeks?

Sometimes people just need time. Seperately sounds like what’s needed in your case. If what you have is meant to be,it will be. You can’t force it or pray it or wish it to be so.

Post # 11
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I also would like to know how long you’ve been together? I might have a few words from past experiences…

Post # 12
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Can I be blunt?

I know that everyone is different and I know that there are going to be rough patches in all relationships, no matter how great.

But… when it’s right, it’s right. When you “wonder” or say things like “at least I have confidence and faith in the relationship” (implying you are uncertain of his true feelings) that worries me. My Fiance and I are certainly not perfect and have definitely had times of frustration or differences, but not once have we doubted anything at all regarding our utter excitement and happiness that we are spending the rest of our lives together. Even if we have an argument, we still keep the big picture in mind. Being in love is sacrifice, and that means sacrifice of pride. I can’t imagine feeling uncomfortable around my fiance EVER, even if we had the worst argument in the world.

I remember with my ex, when we would get in fights or have differences, we were awkward around each other until it was fixed. There was tension and it was sad. When you are with the person you are supposed to marry, I just feel like it shouldn’t be that hard. I could be so mad at Fiance for something, but still work it out easily with great communication and understanding.

Have you guys had couples counseling?

**I didn’t mean to sound harsh… I think I need to read your other posts, but this just concerns me because I have seen so many people (myself included with my ex) who overlook a lot of sure signs that maybe it isn’t working. Good luck with everything… I know you will make the right choice in the end!

Post # 13
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I have to agree with artsprout. I’ve had these painful fights- with my exes. I’d say my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are far from perfect but we’ve been going out for almost 3 years and he has never made me feel the way you’re feeling now… we don’t even have those kind of fights anymore.

It also worries me that you seem to blame yourself for everything, (something I also used to do,) because in some way- you find comfort that it’s your fault because that is something you can control- the truth MAY be that it is something wrong with him or the way you two click, (or don’t click,) and you can’t control that.

We’ll of course support you with every decision you make, I think artsprout and I just want to you to have all the info. Many hugs.

Post # 14
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yes, @sulaii, I think that when you have been in serious relationships in the past where you can relate to this kind of situation it makes you want to really help someone out who is going through it.

@joygirl, I really hate that you are trying to “win him back” in these next few weeks. Engagement means that you are committed and planning a wedding. It is not a time of trial… that’s what dating is for. I know a lot of couples find that through the engagement they realize they are not meant to be, and that is great because marrying the wrong person would result in a very unhappy and disappointing life, but I just don’t understand why you should have a trial time when you are supposed to be planning the most meaningful day in your life together.

When you are with the man who is made for you they will never make you feel like you have to win them back or that you are too demanding. I saw in your other posts where you fretted over doing his laundry and whether or not you should bring him dinner at work… I mean, take a breather, look at what you are saying, and think it over. I know it’s hard to take yourself out of what you are going through and look at it from beyond that, but what would you say to a friend who was telling you all this?

I know that it is INSANELY hard to imagine life without your significant other and that you have come this far, etc. but please think about your happiness. Your relationship is taking such a toll on your emotional well being… this shouldn’t be the case! Yes, an upcoming marriage is sure to bring on a lot of emotions (I have had my share of nights where I am crying or bitter about moving to a new town right before we get married, etc.) but as for our relationship I can’t even imagine being worried about what my Fiance is thinking about me. If I do his laundry or not. If I call him too many times at work… if I ask him to do more tasks than he wanted to sign on for… he is still going to love me more than anything else in this world, no matter how annoyed he might get.

You deserve to have someone who will treat you wonderfully and won’t make you self conscious about the tiniest of actions in your own home!

My heart goes out to you… please keep us updated 🙁

Post # 16
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i’m not sure if you got my other message (from your last post), but can you stay with anyone for a few days? or visit family/friends this weekend?

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