Post # 1
I’m sorry if this question (in essence) has already been asked before! I have a strange situation with my guest list. I have a very dear friend I’ll call Jane who I only met through another family I’ll call the Smiths. Jane was a friend of the Smiths since childhood, and I met her and the Smiths around the same time, when we were teenagers. It is true that I only know Jane because of the Smiths and never would have met her without them. She dearly loves the Smiths, but despite my being (unfortunately) relatively close with them, I cannot stand them. They are elitist, arrogant, proud, and degrading to both me and my mother. Now that I am in my mid-20’s I’ve known them for more than a decade, and even though my siblings are close friends with a couple of the younger Smiths, I feel absolutely zero obligation to invite them to my wedding. On the contrary, Jane and I have grown incredibly close as friends in our own right, and I adore her and wish she could come to my wedding. Maybe I’m overthinking this, but would it be an etiquette crime to invite Jane without inviting the Smiths? Any input is appreciated 🙂
Post # 3
Course you can just invite Jane.
Post # 4
Agreed. Invite Jane. She is YOUR friend. You have a friendship with Jane outside of the snooty Smiths. No need to invite snooty smiths.
Post # 5
if you feel so weird about inviting Jane and not the Smiths, you can always make her part of the bridal party, then she’s not “invited.”
Post # 6
Thanks guys 🙂 I didn’t think it would be the BIGGEST problem, but I wanted confirmation that I wasn’t completely horrible lol
Post # 7
You don’t have to invite friends of a guest, just the guest.
Post # 8
You are totally over thinking this. You can just invite Jane.
Post # 9
I probably am overthinking this but it’s true when I say the Smiths are pretty poisonous, both to me and my mother. Not only am I afraid of breaking etiquette but also angering them into long-term personal consequences.
Though let’s be real the family has made me paranoid before haha…
I’m just gonna trust that nothing happens and I can invite whoever I want to MY wedding so they can just kiss my butt XD
Post # 10
Invite Jane, forget about the Smiths!
Post # 11
They are independent adults. Unless Jane is in a polyamorous relationship with the Smiths where they consider each other their significant others, they literally have nothing to do with each other with respect to being invited places.
Post # 12
Update to this post, a surprising one that I’m both infuriated at but also feel like I have had quite a revelation.
Mrs. Smith apparently encountered my mother at the grocery store and asked her when she can expect her invitation to the wedding. My mother, honestly way more gracious than I ever can hope to be, explained that with our enormous family, we can’t hope to invite most of our local friends. Quite surprisingly, Mrs. Smith, according to my mother, took this very well, just smiling and letting my mother know that it was entirely 100% okay. She added a sting in there that MY family would of course be invited to her oldest daughter’s wedding (there is a proposal coming any day now), but all in all, it was a fine encounter.
But then, today, out of the blue, I noticed that Jane unfriended me everywhere. Everywhere! I’m shocked and hurt. No doubt she got wind of it from the Smiths and decided it was a last straw for her. She never even asked me if SHE was invited…she just obviously would never think of it if the Smiths were not there.
I’m thinking of calling her, but I’m still not sure what to say. Maybe her unfriending me was completely unrelated and she just randomly decided she hated me now…?
And I thought she was one of my dearest friends. Weddings really DO help you find out who your friends are.
Post # 13
that’s awful. I would try calling her. Could be a misunderstanding or The Smiths are telling lies about you. Call her and ask what’s going on.
Post # 14
Do you have her address? Maybe you can call her under the guise of making sure you have the correct address to send out your Save-The-Date Cards invites or wahtever. Then you can feign surprise when she thinks she isnt invited because of whatever the smiths said. You can clear up whatever they may have said and move on.
Post # 15
Just invite Jane, it doesn’t matter how you met her. If you don’t like the Smith’s, don’t feel obligated to invite them simply because they introduced you to a friend or you’ve known them for years.
ETA I read your update right after I commented, that is ridiculous. I’d try and get in touch with Jane and just straight up ask her what’s up, if your friends you should be able to have an adult convo about this.