Post # 31
Our guest list comes from all over the world which is why we’ve been getting lots of questions about attire. For a few, this will be their first Western wedding. They have not however “come from a different planet” as someone has suggested ._.
I am also someone who prefers more information – I hate staring at my closet for ages trying to guess what to wear. It was my hope that the answer would exclude the most extreme of both sides – flip flops and tees on one end and evening gowns on the other but I will amend it for more clarity. The ultimate goal is to make it as stressfree as possible and we don’t want anyone to be embarrassed if they are over/under dressed.
We also wanted our younger guests to know that there are many opportunities to dance if that’s what they want to nearby. This came about as a compromise for my ultra conservative family- we’ll have open bar all night but we opted to forgo the dance floor. I guess of all people the younger guests are the ones most likely to figure it out though.
Post # 32
theotherbride : This may be a stupid question, but for the people who will be attending their first Western wedding, would their home cultures have the same expectations for how to dress in venues like yours? It feels like your answer is guiding the people with clearer existing expectations but not much help for those who may be the most at a loss of what to wear. It sounds like you went intentionally vague to avoid sound like you’re dictating things for people, but if you’re really just looking to avoid the extremes, being explicit may be clearer for the people from other cultures.
Post # 33
Is the steakhouse one of those places that requires jackets and ties? Because you’ve worded it such that people will feel comfortable to “come as they are” and might be turned away.
Post # 34
proudgeek : You know, I’m not exactly sure. I hope so, but most are coming from non-European-heritage countries where I believe the standard wear for weddings is cultural wear. I do see your point about how it’s not particularly helpful to be so vague.
I just checked and restaurant requires no shorts and closed toe shoes for men. Is that something I can put on there?
Post # 35
cherryfox22 : It doesn’t offend me in the very least. And frankly I couldn’t care less what people wore to my wedding.
Post # 36
theotherbride : I don’t think I would bother with listing the restaurant’s restrictions UNLESS it’s likely that someone from another culture might not already know. Like, western guys probably would know not to wear flip-flops to a wedding at a nice restaurant, but sandal-type shoes might be more common where your guests are from.
Post # 37
theotherbride : Perhaps I am less perceptive than most, but I found the childcare answer unclear, and also the dancing answer. Anyone visiting the FAQ part of your website will thank you for giving clear, concise answers.
Post # 38
msdeer : Oh, sure – I had two co-workers of my husband’s show up in jeans. The reception was at a country club… huh… 🙂
But the uncle with the Hawaiian shirt would’ve still worn it regardless of what a wedding website said, am I right? 🙂 Most people don’t look to a wedding site to explain how to dress unless maybe it’s black tie only.
I would honestly laugh at this if I read it. Like, “we don’t allow dancing because we’re horrible dancers!” Umm… okay.
Post # 39
You know what, you’ve convinced me lol. There’s no harm giving extra information, especially if guests aren’t familiar with the culture. Even the dancing one might be good as if people plan to go out afterwards it might change their plan to get home etc. So I’d just make the kids one clearer and the dress one more specific (most people know ‘cocktail’ = not flip flops or ballgowns).
Post # 40
- Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey
SaraJeanQ : I think as a guest it’s nice to know ahead of time what to expect from the wedding. If there is no dancing then at least I won’t go with this mindset of having to party the night away until dawn.
And yes some people like to know dress code! Modern weddings are so varied nowadays and can be as relaxed or ‘high society’ as the couple choose to make it. If it’s outdoors you would want to know to bring wellies or boots instead of heels etc.
Post # 41
Not blunt enough. From your original post, I got the impression that you would be providing childcare, but the rest of the thread seems to think it’s childfree? Also, the dancing question is just weird. Why put that at all? As for dress code, unless you have a very specific type of event (ex: black tie) then MYOB about other peoples’ attire. It’s not going to matter, even if someone wears something ugly/too casual/inappropriate/anything else.
Post # 42
OMG. Keep your FAQs bee, be a bit more direct on the children question, and include the restaurant requirements of no shirts and closed shoes.
Anyone who wants more info can read, and anyone who doesn’t can simply choose not to read. Anyone who is “offended” by a list of questions and answers can find a bloody hobby! Holy heck!
Post # 43
SaraJeanQ : I don’t think its unreasonable to list the dress code and whether there’s dancing. These are things I would be interested in knowing in a FAQ for a wedding. We had an engagement at home and people were asking what the dress code was since we didn’t state it in the invite. I think there would be more confusion for a garden and restaurant wedding.
Post # 44
theotherbride : oh, I would love to see your original blunt answers! I had so many people ask what to wear… I tried to do the ‘be comfortable, but it IS a wedding’ thing… then my brother asked if he could wear shorts… and others asked about ties.
I like your questions but think you can be honest… otherwise you will get more questions.
Post # 45
There’s a lot of salt in this thread, haha.
I think you can be more blunt and actually answer the questions the way you want them to be followed. This is your wedding, these people are coming to make you happy and celebrate your joy, and honestly anyone actually reading an FAQ will be happier with real, clear answers.