Tricky wedding questions – am I being too blunt?

posted 1 year ago in Guests
Post # 32
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

theotherbride :  This may be a stupid question, but for the people who will be attending their first Western wedding, would their home cultures have the same expectations for how to dress in venues like yours? It feels like your answer is guiding the people with clearer existing expectations but not much help for those who may be the most at a loss of what to wear. It sounds like you went intentionally vague to avoid sound like you’re dictating things for people, but if you’re really just looking to avoid the extremes, being explicit may be clearer for the people from other cultures.

Post # 33
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

Is the steakhouse one of those places that requires jackets and ties?  Because you’ve worded it such that people will feel comfortable to “come as they are” and might be turned away.

Post # 35
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

cherryfox22 :  It doesn’t offend me in the very least.  And frankly I couldn’t care less what people wore to my wedding.  

Post # 36
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

theotherbride :  I don’t think I would bother with listing the restaurant’s restrictions UNLESS it’s likely that someone from another culture might not already know.  Like, western guys probably would know not to wear flip-flops to a wedding at a nice restaurant, but sandal-type shoes might be more common where your guests are from.

Post # 37
Member
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

theotherbride :  Perhaps I am less perceptive than most, but I found the childcare answer unclear, and also the dancing answer.   Anyone visiting the FAQ part of your website will thank you for giving clear, concise answers.  

Post # 38
Member
1484 posts
Bumble bee

msdeer :  Oh, sure – I had two co-workers of my husband’s show up in jeans.  The reception was at a country club… huh… 🙂

But the uncle with the Hawaiian shirt would’ve still worn it regardless of what a wedding website said, am I right?  🙂  Most people don’t look to a wedding site to explain how to dress unless maybe it’s black tie only.

I would honestly laugh at this if I read it.  Like, “we don’t allow dancing because we’re horrible dancers!”  Umm… okay.  

Post # 39
Member
3815 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You know what, you’ve convinced me lol. There’s no harm giving extra information, especially if guests aren’t familiar with the culture. Even the dancing one might be good as if people plan to go out afterwards it might change their plan to get home etc. So I’d just make the kids one clearer and the dress one more specific (most people know ‘cocktail’ = not flip flops or ballgowns).

Post # 40
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

SaraJeanQ :  I think as a guest it’s nice to know ahead of time what to expect from the wedding. If there is no dancing then at least I won’t go with this mindset of having to party the night away until dawn. 

And yes some people like to know dress code! Modern weddings are so varied nowadays and can be as relaxed or ‘high society’ as the couple choose to make it. If it’s outdoors you would want to know to bring wellies or boots instead of heels etc.

Post # 41
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

Not blunt enough. From your original post, I got the impression that you would be providing childcare, but the rest of the thread seems to think it’s childfree? Also, the dancing question is just weird. Why put that at all? As for dress code, unless you have a very specific type of event (ex: black tie) then MYOB about other peoples’ attire. It’s not going to matter, even if someone wears something ugly/too casual/inappropriate/anything else.

Post # 42
Member
2221 posts
Buzzing bee

OMG. Keep your FAQs bee, be a bit more direct on the children question, and include the restaurant requirements of no shirts and closed shoes. 

Anyone who wants more info can read, and anyone who doesn’t can simply choose not to read. Anyone who is “offended” by a list of questions and answers can find a bloody hobby! Holy heck! 

Post # 43
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

SaraJeanQ :  I don’t think its unreasonable to list the dress code and whether there’s dancing. These are things I would be interested in knowing in a FAQ for a wedding. We had an engagement at home and people were asking what the dress code was since we didn’t state it in the invite. I think there would be more confusion for a garden and restaurant wedding. 

Post # 44
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

theotherbride :  oh, I would love to see your original blunt answers! I had so many people ask what to wear… I tried to do the ‘be comfortable, but it IS a wedding’ thing… then my brother asked if he could wear shorts… and others asked about ties.

I like your questions but think you can be honest… otherwise you will get more questions.

Post # 45
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

There’s a lot of salt in this thread, haha. 

I think you can be more blunt and actually answer the questions the way you want them to be followed. This is your wedding, these people are coming to make you happy and celebrate your joy, and honestly anyone actually reading an FAQ will be happier with real, clear answers. 

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