Post # 1
I have an annoying +1 situation. Fiance and I are inviting all established couples to the wedding by name. We have asked all singles/people we don’t see regularly if they have a significant other they want included on the invitation. So there are no +1s or “and guests”, just names.
I have a friend Brian who is roommates with Kevin. Kevin is not getting a plus one–he is not in a relationship and wanted to avoid drama his recent ex of 10 years/ my bridesmaid. Brian was given the option because I knew he was seeing someone the last time we talked.
I sent Brian an email asking if he wanted to bring someone and asking him for the name. He responded saying that it was sweet, he totally understands space restrictions, and he is dating Kelly and things are going well. I reply back asking for Kelly’s last name, because our invitations can’t do +1s. He responded to other parts of the message, but not with the last name. I ask again by text on Monday, he responds but ignores that part of the message. They might have broken up, they may not be that serious, I don’t know, I just need to get the invite out.
So Kevin is getting his invitation today and I want to get Brian’s in the mail ASAP. How should I address the envelope to avoid drama with Kevin and still be inclusive?
ETA: I have tried facebook and can’t find the person. I think she uses a fake name.
As far as drama with Kevin– he would be pissed that Brian gets a +1 and he doesn’t. He would use it and would bring a hook up of the week. If I gave Kevin a +1 (his invite is already in the mail), his ex-girlfriend/my best friend would cause drama at the reception with the hook up of the week. It may not be the best decision etiquitte wise, but neither is how he chose to break up with her.
Post # 3
I know it’s annoying, but I would do Brian Lastname and Guest. I wouldn’t want to spend any more energy on trying to find out her last name!
Post # 4
I see the option for Brian and 2 on the RSVP and then in parentheses you put it would open up drama with Kevin. However, in your OP it says Kevin isnt getting a plus one and wanted to avoid drama so I am confused. I dont see that he would cause drama. Most men (that I know) dont cause drama.
Post # 5
@Almost Mrs.P: facebook is a good idea
Post # 6
I’m sure I’ll be flamed by this, and please bear in mind I’m from the UK where it isn’t considered rude not to give a random plus-1, but I voted for just inviting Brian.
It doesn’t sound like he is serious about this girl; in fact, I strongly suspect he either doesn’t know her last name, or else has split up with her, as I can’t see why else he’d ignore your question.
In which case, if he can’t be bothered to give you an answer, he presumably doesn’t care if she comes; and so to avoid drama with Kevin, I would just invite Brian solo.
You could always phone Brian and ask directly, to give him one last chance, but honestly, people who don’t get back to me in a timely fashio annoy me so personally I probably wouldn’t bother.
Post # 7
Can’t you just send them out and ask them personally and put a note to yourself about their +1’s?
Post # 8
It’s not a big deal about putting Brian Lastname and Kelly. My bf and I get this all the time bc we don’t live together and nobody can ever spell my last name bc it’s long. I’ve never gotten offended. I think it’d be better to at least put her first name, that way, there’s no surprise guests on your big day. If he doesn’t bring Kelly then he doesn’t bring a guest. You are intending to invite her specifically, correct? If that’s the case, I’d at least put her first name down to avoid confusion. I’d call up Brian ONE MORE TIME and ask him flat out what her last name is…just cuz this is weird that he won’t answer. Maybe he doesn’t know how to spell it?
Post # 9
@Almost Mrs.P: Thanks– I have tried Facebook and found nothing. I think she goes by a fake name or isn’t on Facebook (not surprising in our field)
@barbie86: Thanks– this is what my Fiance suggested. I have no problem if he brings a significant other, but he needs to let me know the name.
@jmaze: The problem is I did ask personally twice and got no response. We have 240 people invited to the wedding and this is the only time we have had this problem.
@gelaine22: I totally agree most men don’t, but these do. Kevin will take it as a slight that I am still annoyed at how he treated my best friend (which is totally true– you don’t let your girlfriend of a decade know you bought a ring, take her on vacation for the first time ever, and dump her). He won’t know that Brian and I have gone back and forth on the +1 issue.
Thanks for all of your advice so far! It is really helpful!
Post # 10
Brian Lastname and Kelly?
We got a few invitations like this before we were married. It was fine.
Post # 11
@Pollywog: I hate guys like Kevin. Good for you for sticking it to him. That is all.
Post # 12
@Pollywog: You have so far done everything you can to show respect for Brian, Kelly and Kevin. It seems to me though that even if you find out Kelly’s last name, that if Brian gets an invitation that says “and Kelly Smith” on it, and Kevin’s doesn’t say “and” anybody, friend Kevin still has scope for taking umbrage.
You can solve your problem, I think, by recalling that Kelly’s name shouldn’t go on the same card as Brian’s unless they live at the same address. Send Brian his card with just his own name on it. Then email him one annoying last time, and tell him you haven’t been able to send Kelly her invitation yet because you don’t have her address and surname. Tell him to get those to you as soon as possible so that you can invite her. And then forget it. If he never replies, you’ve already invited him, and Kelly just won’t be invited. Kevin won’t have anything to be jealous of, and if Brian and Kelly are having issues Brian is spared having to explain that.
Post # 13
I would just send it to Brian and have him call you and complain about not having room to add in Kelly’s name or whatever and then say, “I asked you twice what her name was. You didn’t respond, so I didn’t think it was important. Now, if you want her invited, it’s not too late – what’s her last name so I can add her in?” I mean, you’re going to need to know it for the escort cards, too – right?
Post # 14
@futuremrsk18: Totally agree. I would cross Kelly off the list. He must not want her to come.lol
Post # 15
@Pollywog: Send him one last text – “I need Kelly’s last name so I can send your invitation. Please forwared ASAP!”
If he doesn’t respond to that, I would send the invitation addressed just to him. If later he indicated he is still seeing Kelly – you can extend her a verbal invitation.
Post # 16
Thanks all! After talking to my best friend we think they might have broken up, so I think I will address it to just him and then if he contacts me I can always change it.