(Closed) Tricky/annoying +1 question

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I address this one?
    Brian Lastname (no option for a date) : (16 votes)
    43 %
    Brian Lastname and Kelly (no last name) : (14 votes)
    38 %
    Brian Lastname and put 2 on the RSVP card (and open up drama with Kevin) : (3 votes)
    8 %
    other-- something I haven't thought of yet. : (4 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I know it’s annoying, but I would do Brian Lastname and Guest.  I wouldn’t want to spend any more energy on trying to find out her last name!


    Or, Facebook??

    Post # 4
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I see the option for Brian and 2 on the RSVP and then in parentheses you put it would open up drama with Kevin. However, in your OP it says Kevin isnt getting a plus one and wanted to avoid drama so I am confused. I dont see that he would cause drama. Most men (that I know) dont cause drama. 

    Post # 6
    6350 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m sure I’ll be flamed by this, and please bear in mind I’m from the UK where it isn’t considered rude not to give a random plus-1, but I voted for just inviting Brian.

    It doesn’t sound like he is serious about this girl; in fact, I strongly suspect he either doesn’t know her last name, or else has split up with her, as I can’t see why else he’d ignore your question.

    In which case, if he can’t be bothered to give you an answer, he presumably doesn’t care if she comes; and so to avoid drama with Kevin, I would just invite Brian solo.

    You could always phone Brian and ask directly, to give him one last chance, but honestly, people who don’t get back to me in a timely fashio annoy me so personally I probably wouldn’t bother.

    Post # 7
    983 posts
    Busy bee

    Can’t you just send them out and ask them personally and put a note to yourself about their +1’s?  

    Post # 8
    680 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s not a big deal about putting Brian Lastname and Kelly. My bf and I get this all the time bc we don’t live together and nobody can ever spell my last name bc it’s long. I’ve never gotten offended. I think it’d be better to at least put her first name, that way, there’s no surprise guests on your big day. If he doesn’t bring Kelly then he doesn’t bring a guest. You are intending to invite her specifically, correct? If that’s the case, I’d at least put her first name down to avoid confusion. I’d call up Brian ONE MORE TIME and ask him flat out what her last name is…just cuz this is weird that he won’t answer. Maybe he doesn’t know how to spell it?

    Post # 10
    4520 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Brian Lastname and Kelly?

    We got a few invitations like this before we were married. It was fine. 

    Post # 11
    680 posts
    Busy bee

    @Pollywog:  I hate guys like Kevin. Good for you for sticking it to him. That is all. 

    Post # 12
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Pollywog:  You have so far done everything you can to show respect for Brian, Kelly and Kevin. It seems to me though that even if you find out Kelly’s last name, that if Brian gets an invitation that says “and Kelly Smith” on it, and Kevin’s doesn’t say “and” anybody, friend Kevin still has scope for taking umbrage.

    You can solve your problem, I think, by recalling that Kelly’s name shouldn’t go on the same card as Brian’s unless they live at the same address. Send Brian his card with just his own name on it. Then email him one annoying last time, and tell him you haven’t been able to send Kelly her invitation yet because you don’t have her address and surname. Tell him to get those to you as soon as possible so that you can invite her. And then forget it. If he never replies, you’ve already invited him, and Kelly just won’t be invited. Kevin won’t have anything to be jealous of, and if Brian and Kelly are having issues Brian is spared having to explain that.

    Post # 13
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would just send it to Brian and have him call you and complain about not having room to add in Kelly’s name or whatever and then say, “I asked you twice what her name was.  You didn’t respond, so I didn’t think it was important.  Now, if you want her invited, it’s not too late – what’s her last name so I can add her in?”  I mean, you’re going to need to know it for the escort cards, too – right?

    Post # 14
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @futuremrsk18:   Totally agree. I would cross Kelly off the list. He must not want her to come.lol


    Post # 15
    2604 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Pollywog:  Send him one last text – “I need Kelly’s last name so I can send your invitation. Please forwared ASAP!”

    If he doesn’t respond to that, I would send the invitation addressed just to him.  If later he indicated he is still seeing Kelly –  you can extend her a verbal invitation.

    The topic ‘Tricky/annoying +1 question’ is closed to new replies.

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