Trigger warning – Missed miscarriage – D&C or waiting?

posted 5 months ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Hi. I’m so sorry you’re part of this horrible club. I’ve now lost two babies. I had a d&c a week ago today. I was pretty much the same as you…about 10 weeks along but baby passed after hearing first heartbeat sometime at 7 weeks. I tried to let it happen naturally and even used cytotec but it was miserable and torture. The d&c was difficult but it also allowed me to physically move past things and begin to try to cope emotionally. I had no pain, was asleep and only cramping and a period basically for a week now. I would do it again should the situation arise which I’m hopeful it won’t. 

Be gentle and kind to yourself. The grief is crippling. Feel all that you need to feel and be angry. Life isn’t fair. You will be okay because you’re a strong woman but you don’t need to be okay tomorrow and you need to do whatever is right for you regardless of anyone else’s experiences. ❤️

Post # 3
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry you’re going though this!  I had a miscarriage and d&e (basically a d&c for 2nd trimester losses) two weeks ago (at 15.5 weeks), and it was completely heartbreaking. It was tough to feel so out of control with the MC, but choosing the procedure at least helped to feel like I could regain something.

The procedure is very safe, and in my experience was almost painless (I refused the total (go to sleep) anesthetic and opted for local anesthetic and light sedation). Physical recovery has been pretty fast, too. 

The main advantage of the d&c/d&e is that the doctors can make sure that everything is cleared out, which was really important to me in feeling like I could move forward. I would definitely opt for the procedure again if I have another MC. Whatever you choose for you, though, will be the right choice. 

Feel what you feel. It’s a real loss, and it’s not fair. I hope you’re able to make peace with whatever choice you make. Take care of yourself.  

Post # 4
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

My advice is to have the D & C. I miscarried naturally and it was horrible. Its already horrible emotionally, and nothings going to change that, but I would save yourself the physical pain of miscarrying.  I am so sorry you’re going through this. 

Post # 5
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee

annili :  If the baby was measuring at 6+ a few days, you could miscarry naturally without too much pain, or use misoprostol to help move it along, if you’d like to avoid a D&C. That being said, a lot of people opt for D&Cs without any complications.

My MMC was similar to yours — heartbeat when I should have been 8 weeks (but measuring near 6 weeks) and a later scan suggested growth stopped shortly after that appointment. I chose to use misoprostol, which was painful for me, but it ultimately didn’t cause me to complete the MC. I miscarried naturally a few days later and while uncomfortable, I wouldn’t even really call it painful. I actually found miscarrying at home to be therapeutic to see the sac and to know I had passed it all. 

Due to other issues, I actually had a d&c a few months after I miscarried as well. It was a pretty fast surgery and recovery was fairly simple. I think it took me longer to feel like myself after the d&c than miscarrying at home, but it is a pretty straightforward and routine operation, especially when you were early along in pregnancy.

 

Post # 6
Member
9386 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Personally I would ask for misoprostol to get things moving. 

Post # 9
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this I suffered a MMC in June. You’re story is so similar to mine. I was supposed to be 11w4d but the baby had stopped growing at 8w. I was also terrified of a D & C so I chose to take the medication to jumpstart contractions and have my MC at home. 

That was in June. I bled heavily for about a week and then lightly for about 3 weeks. My cycle was messed up til September when my period finally returned. I know that route isn’t for everyone but I chose it because my doctor told me they wouldn’t put me under for the D & C and being awake for that terrified me!! 

 

Edit: I just read the doctor refused to give you miso? Yikes, why?

Post # 10
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee

So sorry for your loss my dear. I’ve experienced a natural loss very early on, and a MMC as well. With the MMC I opted for the D&C and it was the best decision for me personally. Like others, I was glad to know when it would be happening, rather than waiting around for it to happen. I also had very little to no pain, and the physical recovery was very easy for me. With that being said, what’s important is that YOU feel comfortable with the decision. If you would rather be at home that’s a perfectly acceptable option, and it’s your choice. Sending you hugs!

Post # 12
Member
4667 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

annili :  everything will be fine again, soon. I would get the D&C done. I went through miscarriages, naturally, and it’s an added punishment having to wait weeks for your body to start the process. I know you’re going through a horrible time right now but the chances of having a baby are on your side. Best of luck 🌺

Post # 13
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee

annili :  Definitely. I don’t know what was offered to you, but when our MMC was confirmed, we were referred to a pregnancy loss clinic. They went through all of the options we had along with the risks and benefits and we were able to decide for ourselves. I think you’re going to find horror stories associated with any of the options, they are all awful “choices” 🙁 .  

Post # 14
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

annili :  I mean, same as in it happens the same way, yes but the medicine brings on the contractions and speeds it up. I don’t remember the reasoning for there being no anesthesia but no way was I going to be awake for that procedure! …I also agree there are going to be horror stories with any of the options so you truly do need to decide what feels right for YOU. It took me a week to decide. Hugs. 

Post # 15
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m so sorry. I miscarried at 12 weeks about a year ago and ended up having ALL the options. I made the initial decision to wait and then passed most everything myself at home, after having some bleeding for about five days or so. I will say that a potential downside of just waiting is you don’t know when it will happen. I was lucky to be home and very close to a bathroom when it happened. Physically it wasn’t that bad for me. Emotionally I felt pretty prepared because I’d had a feeling from the very start that the pregnancy wasn’t viable, but I totally understand how people don’t want to deal with the emotional aspect of miscarrying at home. 

Unfortunately I had retained products, and we then had to decide what to do about that. I waited maybe 4-5 more days to see if they would pass, but they didn’t. I then took misoprostol, which did nothing. And then I had a D&C. The procedure was fine. Recovery was super quick. It cost more out of pocket than what we paid for the delivery of my daughter, which was a punch in the gut. 

If choosing again, I would give the misoprostol a try and then move on to a D&C if it didn’t work. New research shows that pre-treatment with mifespristone increases the probability that the misoprostol will work, but not all places have access to mife. Is the hospital you went to Catholic? I can’t otherwise understand why they wouldn’t give you the miso.

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