Post # 1
First of all, English isn’t my native language, so please be kind for any strange expressions.
Second, if you went through a miscarriage, I’m so sorry.
On Tuesday, my world crushed. I never thought that I’d write this post, but here I am. Darling Husband and I had a 2.5 years infertility story before conceiving our little miracle in the first round of ICSI. We were over the moon, like the happiest people on the planet. After seeing a beautiful heartbeat twice (last time at 8+5), my doctor told me that the baby stopped growing pretty much right after and that there’s no heartbeat. He sent me to hospital to confirm, the doctor there told me the baby measures at 6+x weeks and there’s no blood flow. They said I could wait since I’m just at 10+5, so the baby died 2 weeks ago, and my body doesn’t show any sign of miscarriage at all – not at all – or I could have a D&C on Monday.
I opted for the D&C, but I (and Google) get major doubts about the risk of the surgery, but I don’t know if that’s my current mental state (bawling, google and being crawled up in bed, the only things I can really “do”).
How did you proceed after your missed miscarriage?
Just wait for the nature to do the job or opt for a D&C? How was your experience? Would you do it again?
Post # 2
Hi. I’m so sorry you’re part of this horrible club. I’ve now lost two babies. I had a d&c a week ago today. I was pretty much the same as you…about 10 weeks along but baby passed after hearing first heartbeat sometime at 7 weeks. I tried to let it happen naturally and even used cytotec but it was miserable and torture. The d&c was difficult but it also allowed me to physically move past things and begin to try to cope emotionally. I had no pain, was asleep and only cramping and a period basically for a week now. I would do it again should the situation arise which I’m hopeful it won’t.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. The grief is crippling. Feel all that you need to feel and be angry. Life isn’t fair. You will be okay because you’re a strong woman but you don’t need to be okay tomorrow and you need to do whatever is right for you regardless of anyone else’s experiences. ❤️
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re going though this! I had a miscarriage and d&e (basically a d&c for 2nd trimester losses) two weeks ago (at 15.5 weeks), and it was completely heartbreaking. It was tough to feel so out of control with the MC, but choosing the procedure at least helped to feel like I could regain something.
The procedure is very safe, and in my experience was almost painless (I refused the total (go to sleep) anesthetic and opted for local anesthetic and light sedation). Physical recovery has been pretty fast, too.
The main advantage of the d&c/d&e is that the doctors can make sure that everything is cleared out, which was really important to me in feeling like I could move forward. I would definitely opt for the procedure again if I have another MC. Whatever you choose for you, though, will be the right choice.
Feel what you feel. It’s a real loss, and it’s not fair. I hope you’re able to make peace with whatever choice you make. Take care of yourself.
Post # 4
My advice is to have the D & C. I miscarried naturally and it was horrible. Its already horrible emotionally, and nothings going to change that, but I would save yourself the physical pain of miscarrying. I am so sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 5
annili : If the baby was measuring at 6+ a few days, you could miscarry naturally without too much pain, or use misoprostol to help move it along, if you’d like to avoid a D&C. That being said, a lot of people opt for D&Cs without any complications.
My MMC was similar to yours — heartbeat when I should have been 8 weeks (but measuring near 6 weeks) and a later scan suggested growth stopped shortly after that appointment. I chose to use misoprostol, which was painful for me, but it ultimately didn’t cause me to complete the MC. I miscarried naturally a few days later and while uncomfortable, I wouldn’t even really call it painful. I actually found miscarrying at home to be therapeutic to see the sac and to know I had passed it all.
Due to other issues, I actually had a d&c a few months after I miscarried as well. It was a pretty fast surgery and recovery was fairly simple. I think it took me longer to feel like myself after the d&c than miscarrying at home, but it is a pretty straightforward and routine operation, especially when you were early along in pregnancy.
Post # 6
Personally I would ask for misoprostol to get things moving.
Post # 7
shadesofsade : So sorry for your experience and thank you for sharing your story. It’s reassuring to hear that your D&C went well. Let’s hope we’ll all be part of a better club in the future.
stellate23 : Miscarriage is aweful, but I guess the pain of a second trimester loss is crazy. It’s really like all kind of emotions unleashed at once. Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m really sorry for what you went through. I guess I’ll go with the D&C since I had another call with a different doctor today and he said that the risk of infection is coming up.
altaira : I’m so sorry for your pain 🙁 Hope you recovered fine.
larissakay : It’s confusing how big the baby is measuring atm. My obgyn said it measures at 0.8 inch (8+ something), but at the hospital they told me it’s way smaller. Both the obgyn and the hospital refused to get me misoprosto. The hospital said it’s not their policy and my obgyn said there’s no point. I was not in a mental state of discussing with them. I just want to move on to either trying naturally or straight to IVF/ ICSI 🙁
Post # 8
Westwood : Both the obgyn and the hospital refused.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this I suffered a MMC in June. You’re story is so similar to mine. I was supposed to be 11w4d but the baby had stopped growing at 8w. I was also terrified of a D & C so I chose to take the medication to jumpstart contractions and have my MC at home.
That was in June. I bled heavily for about a week and then lightly for about 3 weeks. My cycle was messed up til September when my period finally returned. I know that route isn’t for everyone but I chose it because my doctor told me they wouldn’t put me under for the D & C and being awake for that terrified me!!
Edit: I just read the doctor refused to give you miso? Yikes, why?
Post # 10
So sorry for your loss my dear. I’ve experienced a natural loss very early on, and a MMC as well. With the MMC I opted for the D&C and it was the best decision for me personally. Like others, I was glad to know when it would be happening, rather than waiting around for it to happen. I also had very little to no pain, and the physical recovery was very easy for me. With that being said, what’s important is that YOU feel comfortable with the decision. If you would rather be at home that’s a perfectly acceptable option, and it’s your choice. Sending you hugs!
Post # 11
tommywantwingy : The doctor said it’s still the same experience as a natural MC and told me some scary stories about the whole process, and the hospital said it’s not their policy (I guess not their profit policy tbh). Why the hell would they NOT provide you general anesthesia for the procedure? So sorry for your experience.
MrsMellyBean : Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience. It’s so hard to know what I’m comfortable with while all the emotions all over the place – the shock, the denial, the ugly ugly cries and sobbing, the googling, all the opinions from the doctors, and the fear and doubts. I just want everything to be fine again so badly.
Post # 12
annili : everything will be fine again, soon. I would get the D&C done. I went through miscarriages, naturally, and it’s an added punishment having to wait weeks for your body to start the process. I know you’re going through a horrible time right now but the chances of having a baby are on your side. Best of luck 🌺
Post # 13
annili : Definitely. I don’t know what was offered to you, but when our MMC was confirmed, we were referred to a pregnancy loss clinic. They went through all of the options we had along with the risks and benefits and we were able to decide for ourselves. I think you’re going to find horror stories associated with any of the options, they are all awful “choices” 🙁 .
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica
annili : I mean, same as in it happens the same way, yes but the medicine brings on the contractions and speeds it up. I don’t remember the reasoning for there being no anesthesia but no way was I going to be awake for that procedure! …I also agree there are going to be horror stories with any of the options so you truly do need to decide what feels right for YOU. It took me a week to decide. Hugs.
Post # 15
I’m so sorry. I miscarried at 12 weeks about a year ago and ended up having ALL the options. I made the initial decision to wait and then passed most everything myself at home, after having some bleeding for about five days or so. I will say that a potential downside of just waiting is you don’t know when it will happen. I was lucky to be home and very close to a bathroom when it happened. Physically it wasn’t that bad for me. Emotionally I felt pretty prepared because I’d had a feeling from the very start that the pregnancy wasn’t viable, but I totally understand how people don’t want to deal with the emotional aspect of miscarrying at home.
Unfortunately I had retained products, and we then had to decide what to do about that. I waited maybe 4-5 more days to see if they would pass, but they didn’t. I then took misoprostol, which did nothing. And then I had a D&C. The procedure was fine. Recovery was super quick. It cost more out of pocket than what we paid for the delivery of my daughter, which was a punch in the gut.
If choosing again, I would give the misoprostol a try and then move on to a D&C if it didn’t work. New research shows that pre-treatment with mifespristone increases the probability that the misoprostol will work, but not all places have access to mife. Is the hospital you went to Catholic? I can’t otherwise understand why they wouldn’t give you the miso.