(Closed) *Trigger Warning* What I didn't know about miscarriage until I had one.

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you went through this! You are very strong. I have never went through what you have, but if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me! Lots of hugs your way 

Post # 3
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

🙁  I am so so sorry you have gone through this but I’m glad you have an amazing support system. Just keep leaning on them when you need to. 

I wish I had advice or more words of comfort but just know I will keep you in my thoughts and am sending you lots of caring vibes! 

<3

Post # 4
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

I also was really grateful for the people I had told about my pregnancies. One ended in a miscarriage and the other was ectopic, and neither got to twelve weeks. It was really nice to have people who understood why I wasnt my usual self, who I could talk to if I wanted to. And if I hadnt told them, it may never have come up that I had ever been pregnant. Its hard enough that I never knew anything about my babies, what they would have looked like, or whether they were boys and girls. Atleast a few people knew they existed for a little while.

Post # 5
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Hey, I am a long time lurker but have never posted anything but had to make a profile to reply to your post.

You are so right. About everything you said in your post. When Darling Husband and I started trying for a baby last year, our doctor said 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage so we were prepared. I got pregnant really quickly within two months (which is a good thing really), we both told a few of our friends that we knew would be there for us if something did happen, and we told our mums at 9 weeks, just before our first scan.

I had awful morning sickness which everyone told me was a good sign and meant everything was working, no bleeding or cramps or anything … went for our scan at 9w5d and baby had no heartbeat. It was really sad. But I’m glad I’d told the friends that I told coz they were amazing afterwards. I also discovered that almost everyone I told afterwards had either had a miscarriage or knew someone that did. I dont know why it is taboo either. 

I had a D&C a week later and still had awful morning sickness, and I did go through a stage of thinking it was my fault or I’d eaten something wrong or something. I had a few days off after finding out but had to go straight back to work after the D&C. I still get sad, which I’d totally okay. 

We also took 6 months off trying, had a fun summer, had a late honeymoon in the Gold Coast in march and started trying again when we got back … currently we are 6 weeks pregnant 🙂 scan is scheduled for two weeks time, we are hopeful for a sticky baby but if we have another MC I know we will get thru it. Bit scared of getting the scan and being told no heartbeat again.

Sorry for just talking about myself and not really giving advice … like PP said lean on your friends as much as you need to, and everything you said in your post is true. PM me if you want to anytime 🙂 

 

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

youngbrokebride:  I went through the same thing at 9 weeks.  I opted to do d&c for the pure fact the baby was bigger.  I grieved by crying with my best friend (who also had one 3 months before). We also told about 10 people and had to go and untell them. That was the hardest part for me.  It’s a hard to go through, and no one truley understands what you go through unless they have themselves.   I am so sorry for your loss and I am glad you shared this story of yours.

Post # 8
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so sorry this is a part of your story.  At 8/9 weeks, I had a undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my tube.  So, loss is part of my story as well.  

 

My two biggest pieces of advise are, one, don’t feel like you have to be okay.  I remember telling friends and others who knew, I was fine, but, I wasn’t.  I was broken, rightfully so.  And I felt broken for a really long time.  I have since gone on to have a child and at times I still feel like I’m missing something.  If you are going to be strong, do it for yourself and not for other people.  I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me, but, that wasn’t my job and now I know that.  Second, be sure to check in on your Fiance from time to time.  You will likely be the only one to do that.  People will recognize the emotional and physical pain you are going through and they expect your other to be okay, but they lost something just as special.  Sending prayers and good vibes!  

 

Post # 9
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

I am sorry about your miscarriage, and thank you for sharing. It was very informative, even though I never intend on getting pregnant, now I can be more empathetic if I know someone who miscarries.

One thing you said that I want to reiterate-

“Don’t blame yourself. A strong embryo can survive many things.  I was hugely stressed on the weekend, drank a small coffee each day, drank alcohol before I know I was pregnant and kept accidentally whacking myself in the stomach with my work desk.  If my embryo had of been tougher/in the right place/grown the placenta correctly or whatever the heck didn’t work for it, it would have survived all this accidental abuse, and more.”

this is so true! My sister and her husband had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant.  She was both thrilled and horrified when it finally happened because she realized shortly after the point of conception was her adult slip and slide party! She was binge drinking, running, and sliding on her stomach down a big hill all day! Her very healthy son, Jack, will be 1 next week. 


Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/trigger-warning-what-i-didnt-know-about-miscarriage-until-i-had-one/#ixzz49IZkR0H3

youngbrokebride:  

Post # 10
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I am so sorry that you’re going through this but want to thank you for speaking about your experience. You’re right, this should not be a shameful secret, and I applaud you for helping us all by sharing your story. 

Post # 11
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you went through that. Hugs to you.

Post # 12
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had two miscarriage last year we are putting off ttc again till after the wedding. I could definitely relate to your post. Big hugs mama!

Post # 13
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. We are not TTC yet, but I know the wisdom in this post will stick with me. 

Post # 14
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

youngbrokebride:  I’m so sorry for your loss! Reading this helped me understand what my cousin and SIL went through. My cousin has had 2 MC within 8 months and my SIL had one last Sept and is currently 6 weeks pregnant. It just broke my heart when I found out. Especially this last time my cousin had one because we’ve always talked about being pregnant together snice we were little. We were about 5 wks apart. I wish you all the best and thank you for posting this!

Post # 15
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

This was wonderfully written. Sorry for your loss, but glad you’re through the worst of it and your words of advice are greqtly appreciated and very true.

The topic ‘*Trigger Warning* What I didn't know about miscarriage until I had one.’ is closed to new replies.

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