(Closed) Trimming down the guest list and don't want to hurt people's feelings

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
13385 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t point out who is not invited.  Your Save-The-Date Cards will go to your guests who you are inviting, and if someone brings it up to you, you say something like, “I’m so sorry, our venue had a maximum number of guests and we weren’t able to invite everyone we wanted.  I hope you’ll understand.”

Post # 3
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

jennayhoang:  Since you are not sending STD to them I don’t think you have to address them before you mail them to others. My Fiance and I want to cut our guest list as well and pretty much have decided to be honest. We have a small budget, a little venue and while we wanted a big wedding and wanted everyone there, it just didn’t work as planned. We have just come to realize that those who love us will understand and that is all that matters.

Post # 4
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If you aren’t inviting any of the military friends, I don’t see how any of them will know, “oh wow, I didn’t get a Save the Date, they’re not inviting me!”

You don’t need to make excuses to them about why they are not invited – although if they ask, you can just tell them that the venue had space limitations you weren’t expecting (don’t tell them how many people it can hold), and you had to ensure that there would be room for family.

It might be nice to send out a wedding announcement to them IF you are sending them to other people.  I’m sure they’ll be happy for you.

Post # 5
45 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

I went to a wedding this summer that I was honestly shocked I was invited to – but I went, was happy to see her and her new family, but she isn’t on my guest list. I simply don’t have the room and I have to go by priority, not by awkward obligation. I know she’s going to be offended (and embarassed since she brought up how excited she was and then immediately regretted saying so since she didn’t know if she was invited), but there’s always going to be someone left out and they just have to try to understand what it’s like to plan a wedding and (hopefully) not say anything. Good luck!

Post # 6
351 posts
Helper bee

If they don’t get a save the date, then there is no issue to address you not inviting them. While they are your friends- it’s your day and your budget in the end. If they ask why they weren’t invited you can be honest and let them know the reasons you stated.

It would be a very different situation had you sent the save the dates then, needed to cut back on your guest list. So please make sure that you have enough room in your budget to pay for each person you invite. 

Post # 7
182 posts
Blushing bee

Be open and honest. Tell them you weren’t able to invite everyone you had opened for because of the limitations with the venue.

Post # 8
8878 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Honestly I think brides get too invested in the thought that other people will be upset if they do not get an invite. If it was a sibling or bff then yeah sure they will be upset but acquaintances that you haven’t seen in 2 years? Chances are they won’t even give it a second thought.

Your wedding is a big deal to you but to most of your guestlist it is an event that is great and exciting to be included in but not heartbreaking if they are not.

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