(Closed) Trimming the guest list

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First off, not everyone you invite will come. We invited 190 and about 130 came but still, you have to be safe and plan for everyone. Can you cut kids? We also really looked at our list and cut the people that didn’t really know us together.

Good luck, I know its so hard to not allow some people!

Post # 4
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My advice – cut the coworkers and tell your Future Mother-In-Law that those people you dont even know will have to go. You are paying for it so you have final say on the list. If it’s easier, have your Fiance talk to her about it.

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Citygirl8604 we’re date twins! and Fiance and i are in the same boat. we’re paying for everything ourselves and trying to keep the guestlist under 150. i’ve read several places not to invite co-workers. if you want to share your joy with them, maybe you couhave have a post-wedding celebration with them. also, don’t invite people out of guilt (“they invited us to their wedding, we should invite them to ours). if they wouldn’t be invited if they hadn’t invited you, don’t invite them!

another thing you could do is rate your guests. 1s are automatic invites (immediate family, wedding participants) 2s SHOULD get invited (distant relatives, family friends that aren’t 1s) 3s only get invited if you have the space for them.

hope this helps! good luck!

Post # 6
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

The co-worker thing is tough. I spend so much time with my co-workers. We do refer to ourselves as the “*name of doctor’s office here * family”, and I really consider them just as special as my closest friends I’m inviting. I’m envious you only have 4, I have 9 not including their spouses…and those are the just 9 I’m inviting. I really am not giving good advice because I’m recommending you keep your co-workers on.

However, since you guys are paying for your own wedding it is not appropriate for your Future Mother-In-Law to invite anyone without your consent first. I don’t care who she is, it’s inconsiderate no matter how good her intentions are…why should you have to choose between your co-worker friends and her friends you don’t know? I have no doubt she will try to make you feel bad, or argue that you have more guests on your list than her son, so be prepared to address that question however you find appropriate. Obviously you don’t want to fight with your Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 7
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Think about who you will be talking to 10 years from now

Post # 8
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

we cut kids, and we also let the family knwo that WE would be doing the guest list, aunts and uncles, no cousins, unless we knew them and hung out w/them. I only invited a couple of coworkers, but it was tough because I wanted to invite more. I originally had 140 hopefully with travel and cutting down, we will get to about 80-100. I would really think about who you hang out with on a regular occasion and not just now, like your really good friends going forward as well. Those we didn’t invite, I let them know it was more of a close family and intimate wedding, so no feelings will get hurt. 

Post # 9
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We basically wrote down everyone we wanted to invite/thought we should invite (family, etc.) and then went through and divided them up into lists based on how important it was to us that they be there. We ended up with a list of about 130 people. Our venue maxes out at 100, so we immediately took the lowest-level list and cut those people completely. (About 15 people.) Then we went through the second-lowest list and cut some people from there.

We ended up cutting almost all of FI’s cousins (his dad is one of 12 children, and they are ALL married with kids, if that gives you an idea of the numbers!) and a few of the aunts and uncles, too – people Fiance hadn’t seen in years or who are known for causing problems at family gatherings (I cut a few of those from my side, too). So drama-llamas also got cut.

We dropped a lot of +1s, as well. I know it’s polite to give people a date, but we just don’t have the space, and if it’s a choice between my great-grandfather being invited or my friend’s new boyfriend who I’ve never even met, well, there’s no contest. I think as long as a guest will know other people at the wedding, there’s no need for them to have a +1.

Initially, my mom tried to get about 5 of her work friends and their spouses on the list. I said nope,  no way. She’s not contributing to the wedding and, again, we don’t have the space. I agreed to the two work friends that have known me and been our friends since I was a baby, but even now looking at the list and the space available, they might have to be cut anyway.

Whenever I start to feel bad about cutting people, Fiance reminds me that it’s our wedding day and we should celebrate it with the people that we truly want to be with, not who we feel obligated to invite. It’s a helpful mindset to have when figuring out the guest list.

Post # 11
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am right there with you.  We are in the final stages of or list and ended up cutting demos of my family that I haven’t seen or talked to In years.  We actually initially had children cut out but had to add them in to keep the family balance happy.  

What we did was make a list of must invite and nice to invior list and worked Off of it that way

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