Trips without spouse

posted 11 months ago in Travel
  • poll: Is it weird to go on an international trip without inviting your spouse?
    No dude, chill : (35 votes)
    47 %
    A little weird, but makes sense in this case : (9 votes)
    12 %
    Not cool. PTO ain't limitless - Hopefully it's a one time thing. : (18 votes)
    24 %
    Get me on that plane! : (12 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    10513 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My husband travels for work without me but not just fun trips with friends/family. We have limited funds and vacation time so we prefer to travel together.

    Something like a bachelor party would be an exception and I wouldn’t have a problem with it unless it was so expensive that it meant we couldn’t take a trip together that year.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1608 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    I think it just depends on your relationship. We travel for work separately (a couple of times a year), but even then either extend that into a vacation where one joins the other, or spend all of our spare time FaceTiming and planning a trip back together.

     

    My husbands brother is getting married, so my husband will be traveling for a bachelor weekend alone. But we just came back from a trip with my in-laws and had discussed just my husband going. We realized that just isn’t how we want to spend our vacations (apart), so we bit the bullet and went together. I know that other couples have no issues vacationing apart but it’s not for us. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    9127 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    glutton :  so long as he saved enough PTO for us to be able to also take a family vacation then I’d be ok with it. BUT the “he makes more money so he can afford more vacations” would not fly in our marriage. I’m the one that makes more in our family and I don’t have any more right to that money than he does – we are a team and we both work hard at full time jobs. Plus he makes less because he has a job with superior benefits/perks (which I benefit from as well) so pulling the salary card would be a pretty jerk move. Either we can both afford to take solo vacations or neither of us can. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2975 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    That’s a tough one. I’d be annoyed if my husband’s travel cut into our travel together. As long as we have a fun trip scheduled for just the two of us, I probably wouldn’t mind. However, if his fun trip meant that we wouldn’t be able to take a trip together because of PTO or finances, then I would be pissed!

    Post # 9
    Member
    8373 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It doesn’t sound like this trip really impacts your ability to vacation together due to your lack of PTO and healthy finances, so I don’t think it’s a big deal. It isn’t like he is prioritizing these friend trips at your expense, but I’d be a bit jealous too! In the end I don’t think it’s anything to get upset about or try to ‘forbid’ though. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9127 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    glutton :  stuff like this is why we’re fully joint and then have fun spending budgets that are equal. There is no trying to keep score or settle up – everything is just equal. The fun money is for us to spend/save as we want without nagging from the other (started because I used to nag my husband about his hobby spending…). Even if he doesn’t say it you’re still thinking that way and it can eventually breed resentment. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3066 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    glutton :  I feel like I am on the opposite side of this and sommetimes I do feel bad that DH isnt able to take the same time for a solo/friends trip.

    But i get more vacation time than he does since I have been with my company for a long time. I also have family in other countries, so i have traveled by myself to see them before (time and $$ for another ticket is expensive, but since we have been married i have not traveled to see them without him)

    But my friends and I plan girls sleeovers/trips since we dont get to see eachother often. We are hoping to book a cruise later this year to celebrate a big birthday. It would be different if this cut into our vacation time though! Like i could no longer travel with him because i used my time, that would upset him im sure. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    5015 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My SO and I often take separate trips and should we decide to marry I expect this will continue in the future.  We have different interests with respect to travel as well as long-standing traditions with friend groups.  I don’t see why marriage would change this – although kids may put a damper on the travel budget and availability.  

    I also have several married friends who travel internationally with friends and without their spouses.  One of my close friends does a big three week trip every other year with her best friend.  Another close friend does an annual trip for a week every year.  I have several acquaintances who often travel separately multiple times a year.  I really don’t think it is all that uncommon or unusual.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2147 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Something about this makes me uncomfortable. Maybe him blowing you off like “it’s not my fault your friends aren’t fun.” 

    I would ask him if he could plan a couples’ trip with his friends so you can be included in international travel. Surely some of them are married or have significant others. 

    He shouldn’t have to sit at home while you’re working if he has the time off to use, but his travel patterns without you are slightly concerning. Expensive, extensive, and he doesn’t even try to include you. 

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