Trips without spouse

posted 11 months ago in Travel
  • poll: Is it weird to go on an international trip without inviting your spouse?

    No dude, chill

    A little weird, but makes sense in this case

    Not cool. PTO ain't limitless - Hopefully it's a one time thing.

    Get me on that plane!

  • Post # 17
    Member
    9127 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    glutton :  yup! We put everything into joint accounts and have a budgeting app on our phone where we each track our own fun spending which is equal (although he autosaves a chunk of his weekly “allowance” to cover his season tickets and then if he ends up selling some games he adds that back into his budget when it happens). “Fun” spending includes hobbies, clothes, nights out with friends, gifts for others, haircuts, coffees, whatever.  The fun budget was determined after accounting for expenses and savings goals. It’s just our team mindset – percentages just never made sense to us. Plus we maximize our credit card rewards so any given card might have personal spending, groceries, new shoes for the kids, etc. so then which account does that card get paid from? Blech – too complicated. Throw all the money in, pay all the bills out of it, and just track your own equal fun money. 

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    2558 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

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    LilliV :  we do this, too. Otherwise, it just seems weird- and not at all a “team’ mindset. I make about $20k more a year than my husband (used to be 40k). Wouldn’t even think about allotting myself more fun money. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    3420 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    So I accidentally voted wrong in your poll..  but I would never ever do this. Not internationally without DH and he never would either. Maybe because we have a lot less money than some people who do this regularly? But taking a trip with friends would mean that we couldn’t do one together that year. And for context we have 100% joint finances. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1329 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it really depends on the couple. And if I’m being honest, you do come across as a bit jealous in your post? Almost like if you had your own close friends then it wouldnt be an issue, but only is because you don’t. I could be wrong! Just the vibe I get. Hubby and I occasionally do separate things and I have a girls weekend every year with my school friends. International trips we always take together but would be open to doing them separately. 

    I think just have a chat to him about it and be proactive about planning trips with you guys together. 

    xo

    Post # 21
    Member
    9534 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i think it’s fine to travel without your spouse. you aren’t joined at the hip, have your own interests and friends.

    we have 2 kids and my husband had a weeklong trip away and 2-3 weekend trips throughout the year.  the weekend trips are normal but the weeklong was a special thing.  i’ve been away for a night or 2.  but i’m planning something longer soon.

    as for international. why not?  i’d be jealous, but i wouldn’t want to hold him back and i wouldn’t want to be held back if the tables we reversed.

    i want to go on safari.  my husband doesn’t.  at some point, i will be doing that trip without him.  though i’m probably waiting until the kids are older and taking them with me.

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee

    It depends where my husband wants to go. If the destination is somewhere I want to go then I might go and do my own thing without bothering them.

    I have a very specific list of places I want to go within the next 10 years. I also have very limited time off. My work gives the bare minimum. So my husband gets mad I don’t want to go visit his friends in another state. Sorry I don’t want to waste my PTO on that and feel uncomfortable since I hardly know them. I would rather go on an international trip. He can go if he wants though.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1588 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

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    L606 :  Did you decide not to see family without him because you’re married or did it just happen to workout that way because you have more vacay time than him? I ask because it sounded like you were saying now that we are married we can’t take separate trips. I am assuming I misread because I don’t understand why that is the magic cutoff.

     

    To the OP I totally get feeling jealous of your husband having traveling opportunities that you don’t get to have because of work. Maybe try and plan time with your girl friends doing a girly day trip like to the spa or getting a mani/pedi or something along those lines. I know it isn’t the same as traveling but it’s still something to help pass the time. If it makes you feel any better I am engaged and bought a house with my fiance and been with him 8 years and his family (well specifically his lovely mother) still acts like I’m his high school or college gf of a few months and tries to tell my fiance I am not welcome on family vacations even though he made it 1000% clear I would be paying 1000% my own way and would never dream of expecting anyone else to pay a some for me. But luckily he stands by me and told his mom she either includes me or he isn’t going.

    Post # 26
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I see nothing wrong with traveling separately. My husband and I travel together, and sometimes we go on trips with family and or friends without each other. For us it’s normal. I’m in the process now of planning a trip to Europe with my husband, and a girls trip to the Caribbean both in 2020.

    Post # 27
    Member
    3066 posts
    Sugar bee

    Oh sorry, that was confusing. it’s not a decision we made or anything, it’s just worked out that way since we got engaged. My mom has been coming to visit here instead and then all my family came for our wedding. 

    now that he knows and has met my family, he wants to come back with me next time I travel to see them. So it would feel odd to plan a trip there without him, but it wouldn’t be totally out of the question depending on the circumstances 

    View original reply
    soexcited123 :  

    Post # 28
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee

    I travel without hubby all the time. I make more money and I have more time off. He encourages it though because otherwise I would be home bored. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule about this. My spouse travels a lot internationally for work and he’ll often tack on a few days vacation of it is somewhere cool. If I’m free and finances work I’ll go but lots of times I’m not. I like to travel with my college roommates to stay in touch. Typically it’s not a spouses thing, but it doesn’t always happen. We live apart half the week for work and are pretty flexible to begin with. But most of other travel with friends is travel with shared friends– we’ve worked to build them together. And travel with family is travel with shared family– were on an international trip with his sibling now. So I’d be pretty sad if my spouse did those without me.

    i should say I find the money part of this weird. My husband makes roughly four times what I do (ahhh the academic life) and he views that as…. money he spends on our retirement and saving for a house, with the fun money being… money he spends on our traveling (he books most tickets because he’s a wizard at deal finding). If I didn’t have the cash flow for a trip I was doing with or without him that was within our general budget he’d just pay for it out of his. E don’t have separate travel budgets (except when work is paying one of ours!)

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