Trips without spouse

posted 11 months ago in Travel
  • poll: Is it weird to go on an international trip without inviting your spouse?

    No dude, chill

    A little weird, but makes sense in this case

    Not cool. PTO ain't limitless - Hopefully it's a one time thing.

    Get me on that plane!

  • Post # 32
    1386 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    glutton :  If your husband has more time off and decides to use it to go on vacation, thst sucks in comparison but you can’t fault him for that IMO. It’s not his fault you have less time off. And if the roles were reveresed, I’d say the same about you.

    The whole “he makes more $ so because of that he gets to spend more $ on himself” wouldn’t fly with me. Neither would “I partied more in college while he worked harder so he deserves more $ for himself.” IMO if you’re in a marriage, you’re on a team. But this is also why my husband and I share finances and approach each other from an equitable perspective. For example, my haircut is always going to cost more, because I have longer hair and that’s the way it goes. And sure, we’d approve for the other to go on vacation solo if one person had more vacation time…we want each other to be happy.

    But I assume y’all intentionally set up your financial situation a certain way because that’s what you believe in. So values-wise, you and I might just come from different places.

    Post # 33
    748 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    Agree w/ a lot of people on the money and PTO part you are bothered by. In reverse, my husband had limited PTO this past year and I had more… I was peeved he used all of his PTO on a guys trip to Colorado and didn’t leave any for a good legit trip the two of us, but I quickly got over it because this was a trip he deserved to go on. He also compromised and took some unpaid days off to spend the two of us to do a trip or just have a day off together. I felt that was fair because I also used the rest of my PTO time for a girls trip and random days off just for myself.

    Unless he is doing it in an arrogant, “ha-ha” in your face kind of way, I would try not to dwell on it. Its normal to have twinges of jealousy about the trips, but try to keep them to yourself or vent to a friend or here on the bee, lol. I was extremely jealous my husband went to Colorado without me because I would’ve loved to have gone (I’ve never been and would’ve loved to do the activity they were doing as well) but I kept it to myself. At most I might have been like “Hope you’re having fun, wish I was there!” which was met with a “Yeah, wish you were here too babe” If my husband was more like “Yeah, I don’t care if you’re here or not this is MY trip” I’d have an issue with that.

    Likewise, like I said if he does these trips and uses his PTO for them and they don’t include you, that’d be an issue but since he reserves time for a trip for the two of you, I think that’s fine he still does his individual trips. I also echo a lot of PPs about international trips specifically. I want to go to Europe at some point and know DH has no interest in doing that and while I’d love for him to experience it with me, I respect he may not want to use his PTO for that, so we’ll find a mutually interested destination to take a trip to.

    Post # 34
    543 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t agree with spouses going away separately. There’s couples I know that do this and one does not like it, even if everyone else is none the wiser. People can do what they want but if one person has an issue why would it continue? I don’t have more fun with friends than I do with my husband. I’d rather be with him no matter what than go away. I didn’t even go to a bachelorette party for a wedding I was in because they were staying overnight a couple nights. No thanks, I want to be home with my spouse. But you see, I also made sure to be with someone that feels the same way as me. People who don’t mind this thing should be together, amongst other things. I used to be married to someone who didn’t give a care about going away or doing things without me. But they also didn’t love me, so that is another story. But I should not have been with him if we had such different views. Now the person I know who was so upset his girlfriend goes away with friends without him is I do not think very happy. They got quiet about their complaints but is never excited about it. No resolution was found. 

    Post # 36
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    It’s only weird to me if everyone else brought their significant other on trips and he leaves you at home. If it’s a “boys trip” then of course you can’t attend. It would also be problematic (but not “weird”) if his trips hamper your ability as a couple to travel together. 

    I dont get why you can’t go along on his cousins/ family trips (if you have the PTO) . They are now your family too. 

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