Post # 1
Before moving in with my now Fiance and starting classes, I felt like I always had friends to call to meet up with or invite over to watch a movie, etc. Now, between wedding stuff and school, I feel like I don’t have time to go out as much with friends. When you say no too many times, people stop inviting (which is understandable). I guess I feel like I don’t have a lot of time that I’m not at work, studying or at class, or at the gym trying to get in better shape. Since I’m taking classes either online or after work at a community college, I feel like I can’t really meet people there. It’s not that I don’t like my friends and acquaintances; it’s just that I don’t go out and party as much as I used to. The fact that Fiance is a very quiet, not outgoing person does not help.
While it would be ideal to make friends with classmates or someone at my gym, I’m not sure it’s possible (I’m already laughing, picturing myself trying to pick up friends at a gym). Any advice for either making friends that have priorities outside of work and going out, or suggestions for chill things to invite current friends to do that won’t interfere with school work and weight loss efforts?
Apologies for rambling, but I just needed to vent while asking for advice. Thanks for listening 🙂
Post # 3
i understand completely. since i moved in with Fiance we’ve been pretty low key. i am training for a half marathon and trying to stay away from junk food, so i also feel your pain on that one. our trick has been to try social activities that involve exercise, like renting a kayak, hiking, or just going for a walk in a scenic place!
we’ve also hosted movie and board game nights… haah… does that make us sound really old? anyways, sometimes we get a veggie platter and other yummy things and just have people over.
instead of the gym for exercise, could you join a rec sports league of some sort? they have lots around here that 20 somethings do to be social!!
good luck 🙂
Post # 4
The board game night is a really good idea, especially since most of my friends love them.
I’m absolutely horrible at sports! I was part of a running group, but had to stop due to a foot injury that prevents me from running. I do have some friends that invite me to go biking, but they are super fast and I am, well, slow 🙂
Post # 5
jkoala, how about having a friend join you at the gym? Or, can you find time to meet with friends periodically for a cup of coffee, maybe between class and the gym?
How about a movie night with a DVD and some healthy snacks at your place? That will let you entertain at home without forcing Fiance to be too social (since you’ll be watching a movie much of the time)?
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
Oh man. We have so much trouble with this – both of us. The friends we do have are from high school or college and either live far away, or are just as busy as we are.
We go to school full time, we work full time, and when we’re not busy with that or house chores, we often don’t feel like doing a ton of socializing. We just wanna collapse in our sweats with a glass of wine and watch a movie.
Post # 7
I’ve struggled with this a lot this past year. I try to make time to send messages to friends often and call when I can. I’ve found it helps to set aside time occasionally for coffee or something like that to just catch up with friends. It’s hard, though, because friends do tend to back off and find other friends to spend time with if you say no too many times and sometimes it’s hard to repair that damage.
Post # 8
I’m experiencing the EXACT same thing, and it’s kind of bumming me out because I think it’s the reason a lot of my (I guess formerly?) dear friends from high school and college have not included me in their weddings! I live and work in NYC (and don’t have a car) and my high school friends live and work in NJ (takes at least an hour to get to from Brooklyn); my job is insanely demanding, esp in the current economic situation with layoffs and such so I work 10+ hours a day; and I’m trying to finish up grad school part time. I’ve never really been a phone person, and it’s really hard for me to find time even to take care of my own stuff like laundry and food shopping! And I’m so exhausted half the time I just want to go home and crash. My college friends that were in NYC have since moved away. I feel like I just don’t get invited to stuff anymore because everyone assumes I can’t come. It totally sucks and makes you feel friendless 🙁
And now that I’m starting to think about what my wedding might be like, I have no one to ask to be bridesmaids, or maid of honor!! It’s a tough situation because friendship requires effort and it’s hard to put in that effort when you lead a busy life! Unfortunately I don’t have much advice other than try to keep in touch with whomever feels important to you and hope they understand your situation. I’ve always believed that true friends will hang around and grow and change with you over time.
Post # 9
I feel the same way. Most of my friends live in other places and we do all get together quite often, but I don’t have any local girlfriends around to just call up and go for lunch and shopping. Luckily my mom is my true bestie and we do a lot of things together but I do miss that cameraderie of a girlfriend. I recently started a new job and was looking forward to making some new friends (at my last few jobs I have made great friends – two were even bridesmaids!) but I was so disappointed when I got there and the entire office was men other than a few older ladies. I’m beginning to think my husband and I won’t make any new friends until we have kids!
Post # 10
I hear you pain ladies. When my fiance and I moved in we moved HOURS away from all our college friends and home towns. We are starting over and its been difficult. Wedding planning, work, school, gym, and being a good mom to our dog is all I have time for.
We looked at our park district and found a ballroom dance class that we could take on Friday evenings. There was only one other couple in our age range and we never really hit it off, but I’ve seen several of the older ladies around the grocery stores and they have waved and said hi. If nothing else its nice not to feel like a total stranger in this town!