(Closed) trouble getting letter of permission to marry outside parish

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Would you be able to ask your new church how long before you are considered “too new” for a letter?  You’re wedding is still a little ways off, so you have some time.  Maybe after a couple of more months, the new church will write you the letter?  Have you talked to the priest who is marrying you about this?  Maybe he has some suggestion?

The Catholic Church sometimes makes things so hard.  🙁  I know…

 

Post # 4
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t have any advice but my fi and i are being married by a priest outside of the church with no mass.  I am not catholic but i am a baptized christian so it is permitted.  The rules for getting married in the church can be so wierd and frustrating!

Post # 5
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time! I work with different catholic churches pretty much daily as a funeral director and I will say, some are a bit more picky, unfriendly and difficult to get along with than others. I guess it’s because the priest knows me from work, but my parish did the paper work and sign us up as parishners on the same day!

Like others have said maybe say “i realise we’re new and you don’t give out letters to new people right away, but when could we expect to get one?” If that doesn’t work maybe you’ll have to join a new parish that’s more welcoming to new people!

Post # 7
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was told that you don’t need permission from the priest (unless you want him to marry you) but instead you have to write the bishop for permission.  Maybe try that?

Post # 8
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Jamiezilla:  I know that the bishop needs to give his approval for interfaith marriages inside the church.  I’m not sure if the bishop needs to approve all marriages, though?

Post # 9
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@coffeegal85:  Good point.. I might have just heard that about interfaith.  Though either way he might be able to overrule this “too new” BS.

Post # 10
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@coffeegal85:  I agree.  You still have months before the wedding.  Just continue attending service.  Make sure you stop and introduce yourselves and say hi to the priest after the mass each week.  I think after 3 months or so there shouldn’t be an issue but you can definitely ask again what would be a sufficient amount of time.  We had the same issue as in living in one location but marrying in another we didn’t “register” until 4 months before wedding and we got the letter about a month before the wedding.  It was slightly stressful at the end because we were dealing with so many people (had to deal with two other parishes for my DH’s other sacraments) but it got done.  I think you are way ahead of the game. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I would suggest that you talk to the RCIA director and get that person on your side. He/She works closely with the priest and will be able to “grease the wheels” for you, so to speak. Parish secretaries can be really ornery sometimes with engaged couples (they are just wary of couples who show up because they want to have their wedding in the church, but then disappear, never come to Mass or support the parish – that’s clearly not your situation, though – and the associate pastor was right to defer to the head pastor for that type of administrative thing.)

Usually the “new member” waiting period is something like 6 months, so you should be fine. Some parishes do have a longer period, but if you are going through RCIA with them, they will get to know you and know that you are taking this seriously, and that will work in your favor. Try to stay calm, be patient, and use the RCIA director as a resource.

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