- 7 years ago
Sorry for being a coward and not posting under my regular name. I wanted to be as ‘private’ as possible about this. Not really for the hive, but for anyone who might know me and find me online.
Some background: DH and I have been married for 3 months, together for over 5 years. In that time, there has been one female relationship that Darling Husband has that drives me bonkers. DH is in a service industry and interacts with various people. One of this people is this girl (I’ll call her Jane).
The first time Jane became an issue was about a year into our relationship. I had met Jane (she was a waitress at a local bbq joint – Darling Husband actually took me there on our 2nd date, he would go there often with his work friends (Jane would hook them up with food and drinks). That’s how they became friends. One time (when I was with them) he hugged her goodbye. It was the type of hug that made my stomach turn – but, I wrote it off and didn’t really think much more into it.
It first blew up when she gave him a set of beer mugs for Christmas. Instead of telling me they were from him (it’s common for his customers to give him gifts), he said it was a customer. I ended up seeing a text on his phone from her asking him if he liked the glasses…. I confronted him about it and it turned into a huge fight about trust.
Fast forward to now. In the years since, their relationship has always made me super sensitive. He swears it’s work related and there’s nothing else going on.
I will say that if I believed something WAS going on, I wouldn’t have married him. I really truly do not believe anything is going on – even to this day – but their interaction bothers the heck out of me.
I’ve asked him to tell me when she comes in to see him or when she contacts him… but I’m the one who always has to ask.
Last night, I noticed a text from him to her, saying that he couldn’t make it. (It was his day off yesterday and she had come in to his work the day before – according to previous texts). Her text back was: ok, another time. I wasn’t sure if I was going to bring it up or not and decided to sleep on it. By today, it was still bugging me – and we met up for lunch and I brought it up.
To say it did not go well was an understatement.
I asked him when the last time he talked to her – and he completely lied about it. So, I fessed up at seeing the text from her – and he flipped out and got very angry.
To me, that is classic cheater behavior. But, again – I really truly don’t believe he’s cheating with her. I do believe they have hung out and he’s lied to me about it. But I don’t believe anything physical has gone on. I think his anger was due to the fact that I caught him lying to me about something he considers a non-issue. But, if anything – this makes it even more of an issue.
We both had to get back to work and he left without even saying sorry. It usually take him longer to process, but I feel even worse NOW than this morning….
Part of me is wishing I never said anything – and then the other part of me knows it was right for me to confront him.
The only think I’ve ever wanted in my marriage is honesty and transparency. But you can only want that- it’s not guaranteed.
So – here I sit at work, with my head spinning… not sure how to act when I get home.
Am I a fool? I sure feel like one.
And, not that it matters- but Jane is married herself. Again, I don’t think it’s anything more than a friendship – but maybe I’m so blinded to believe what I want to believe… I just don’t know. I would have never thought Darling Husband would lie to my face like that, so who knows what else is going on.