(Closed) Trouble making friends

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ugh no advice because we’re totally in the same boat!! FI’s friends from college are far less settled than us and spend most nights at the bar drinking, watching sports, and trying to hook up with randoms. 

Basically all of my friends here are single too. Some of them used to be couples but they’ve now split… and also spend every night at the bar drinking or staying out super late partying. I’m just soo not into it. 

We have 1 couple that we both love (my Maid/Matron of Honor and her bf)…. but they live a plane ride away so we see them like twice/year. We lament basically every week that we need to find some couples to hang out with and do boring couple stuff like go out to dinner, have game nights, etc. It is just soo hard for us to find people our age (25) who are somewhat settled and stable. 

If you figure it out… you let me know ok? 🙂

Post # 4
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I know the feeling, only my situation is right at home.  Most of my closest gf’s are still single and partying, and while I try to find the time and energy to go out with them, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t rather be home, chilling out some of the time.  OfficeGroom has a lot of friends who are married or in serious relationships so we do our couple thing with those set of friends.  I’ve made new friends (both single and in relationships) through extracurricular stuff.  Find something you enjoy doing with your Fiance and there’s a good chance you’ll meet other couples that way.  There’s also a site called “Meetup.com” where you can find groups with similar interests.  not sure if they have one in Tokyo, but it’s worth a try!

Post # 5
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Same here. I’m set to graduate college in two months and, well, let’s just say I know what it’s like. I crave “settled down” people to talk to sometimes! 

Post # 6
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

I can relate in a way.  My fi and I are the youngest in our neighborhood and none of our friends are “suburban” yet like us, so it can get a little lonely.  I don’t have a lot of advice but all I can say is that it won’t always be this way.  Eventually we’ll move into another neighborhood where hopefully we’ll find people who are at the same stage of their lives as we are.

Your friends will catch up to you, but it requires a little patience.  If you have the time, maybe you guys should enroll in some sort of class or club that explores Tokyo together?  That way you’re doing things that interest you as a couple and you increase your chances of finding a similar couple!

Good luck…I know it’s hard, but at least you know who you are and what you want!

Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was thinking the same thing after a discussion with some friends on Super Bowl Sunday.  The Mister and I are getting married in May and plan to start a family soon after that.  Our friends are all coupled up and are well aware of our family planning (the girls all shared our future plans). 

We received harsh comments about how we are so young (28 turning 29!) and “it’s just so weird”.   Since we got engaged, this has been a reoccuring conversation and it is hard to hear since they are our closest group of friends.  The Mister reminds me that we are in a different place and not to let the girls get to me. 

We are taking dance lessons for the wedding and there will be a few other young couples in our class so I hope we might increase our friend base.  Maybe you can look into dancing classes or cooking classes or something you are interested in doing together?

Post # 8
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I signed Fiance & I up for some couples groups on meetup.com for this very reason!  We haven’t really met any couples that we’ve totally clicked with yet (we’ve only been to about 3 or so events) but we’ve had a blast at the various activities and met some interesting people.  Def worth checking out!

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Things change when you get engaged. It’s no longer acceptable for either of you to live the ‘party’ lifestyle where you’re surrounded by singles wanting to mingle, if you know what I mean.

I went to visit my Bridesmaid or Best Man in Houston a few weeks ago and while we had a great time, it was a real eye-opener why engaged/married girls have a hard time hanging out with single girls. We went to a bar after she begged and begged me, of course got hit on by a bunch of guys who tried to come home with us! I felt so uncomfortable and realized I just cant’ go out with all singles anymore.

What I do is I schedule ‘girls dinner out’ nights with my single girlfriends and it’s always a work night. So we have our girl time, but it’s at a restaurant and no one is tempted to stay out late since we all have work the next day. I will also go shopping with them on weekends during the day, but decline invitations to go out at night. We have people over to our apartment for parties quite often which consists of couples and singles, but since we’re together and it’s at our place it’s totally fine.

Post # 11
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I feel the same way I moved away after graduation and when I came back it was hard to remember what I used to do in my hometown. My moh just got engaged but they hang out with his friends more and we just dont connect.

Post # 12
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t really have much advice either but just know you aren’t alone!  My husband and I moved over the summer and I still don’t have any friends (we hang out with some of his coworkers but they have been traveling a lot making that difficult).

Post # 13
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have this problem too. My Fiance and I have both moved around quite a bit. My close friends are all a decent drive away. We hang out with another couple sometimes – he works with the guy – but she’s in school and works nights, so we don’t see them much. We’re not huge partiers either. Most of my coworkers have kids so it’s hard to hang out with them. I’ve never thought of meetup.com…maybe we should try it too! We joke a lot about needing to find our “Deacon and Kelly” if anyone else watches King of Queens…

Post # 14
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are definitely not alone! I moved to Texas from California in 2008. I grew up in a super small town, was definitely out of my comfort zone and had the hardest time meeting new people. I got involved in the local community theater and made a bunch of friends through that! I don’t know if you’re into acting or anything along those lines, but that really helped me out a lot! And I met my FH here and became friends with his friends!! ;]

Hang in there! I know how tough it can be… but it’ll get better!

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