- 6 years ago
Hello! I’m recently engaged, and will not be making my wedding party choices for a few more months, but just thinking about it stresses me out. This may be long, so thank you to those of you who read it…just shows how much this has been a dilemma for me. 🙂
First of all, not sure if this makes a difference, but it’s a same-sex wedding. So we’re both going to have a mixed gender party because we want the special people to stand with us regardless of gender, plus there’s not a groom’s side to put guys on. I grew up with a very close-knit group of friends, most of them lived in the same neighborhood as me as kids, and even as adults I have been roommates with many of them and am still very close to them. In addition to my friends, I have a brother, sister, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and stepsister. I made a list of all the people who are special to me and, logistics aside, I could envision being in my wedding party, and there’s a total of 9 friends and 5 siblings. (!!!!) I know I can’t have all 14 people standing up with me, of course. I realize that would get crowded, the head table would be huge, and we would all look like ants in our wedding pictures. So I like the idea of making some of them ushers or readers. But at the same time, too many readers get boring and out of hand too. All 14 of these people will be invited to all wedding festivities (rehearsal dinner, b’ette party). The rehearsal dinner is going to be low-key in a family friend’s backyard, so I’m not worried about having to pay for all of their dinners, and I understand that not all people will be able to make every event, so worrying about coordinating schedules isn’t a concern to me either. I’m also going to give everyone a color and have the girls pick out their own dresses, and the guys get their own suits.
My plan is to have my brother and sister as joint maid of honor/man of honor. I am very close with my sister in law and have known her since I was a child, so I want her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My brother in law did not come into my life until later, and although close with him, I am fine with him being an usher. My stepsister is also someone I am very close to, but again, we weren’t raised together and I am fine with her being a reader. That leaves my 9 friends. Of those 9, one can be a little flaky. I love her and she’s a good friend, but she’s notorious for cancelling plans last minute and giving people the cold shoulder when’s she’s upset instead of telling them why she’s upset. So I am okay with her being a reader. My main dilemma though–I was her Maid/Matron of Honor recently and I feel so guilty that I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and she may not even be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for me. Also, I can’t really picture not having any of the other 8 stand up with me. So that still leaves 11 people standing up front with me, which is bigger than I woud like. (Side note, my friends and I aren’t all one big group, so it’s not like she’d be the only one left out.)
So my main worries:
Would 11 look ridiculous?
Should I add in the other girl since I was her MOH? (After all, I’m already having a big party, what’s one more?)
If I do trim the bridal party down by a lot, I’ll still want to give people other roles. What are some good ideas besides readers or ushers? I don’t want something that may insult someone or feel like more of a chore than an honor.
I’m not too hung up on balance. My fiancee and I were each going to have our two honor attendants stand next to us, and the rest make a half circle around us behind the officiant, so there won’t be set “sides” and all of the wedding party will get a good view. Still, she’s only asking 6 people, so I feel like my number shouldn’t be much more than that. I don’t want to feel like I’m taking over. What are your thoughts on having equal or close to equal wedding parties?
Thank you to everyone in advance! 🙂